English Gits no match for Aussie Powerhouse

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Sounds like a potential Herald Sun headline usually associated to the sporting rivalry these two nations contest. This however hit a little closer to home.

The other night, a rather large and certainly very daring intruder broke into our house and tried to make away with Pete’s laptop. Only trouble is he forgot to negotiate the four boys.

Pete startled him; Azz restrained him; Jonesy stood on him; and Grovesy smashed the absolute shite out of him.

Before long this git was bleeding from several orifices and hopelessly pinned to the ground underneath all of them. When the police finally arrived to take him away they said that this elusive criminal was wanted on 7 accounts of theft and 2 accounts of assault. Nice work boys.

The next morning the boys, all heroes in my eyes, had to provide a blow by blow account of the event as I was not there to share in their glory. Fortunately, I had been checking out some sites of Leeds and missed all the action... well that action at least.


He are a few exerts from how the boys saw what happened...

Mark Jones, ever the articulate genius, wrote:

The Great Laptop Robbery

... Being disturbed mid-slumber isn’t a rare event at Langdale Gardens, our pride and place for the next six months. On most occasions you can bet your house on the culprit being either, 1/ Dave playing a 4:00am drunken game of hide ‘n’ seek with whomever wants to join him (which is usually nobody!) 2/ Grovesy loudly and loyally hanging on for every pearl of cricketing wisdom that emanates from that now infamous ‘Boonie’ doll that only spins his spiel at highly inappropriate times, or 3/ Azz putting 5:00am pressure on his bed posts, the floorboards, the walls lining his bed and his housemates’ eardrums by cavorting with whichever random Canadian he chooses to invite into his boudoir.

But this night was unlike any other.

I woke to sounds of bodies flying into walls, laptops crashing to the floor and Grovesy falling down the stairs, again! Outside my bedroom door, three of my housemates were in a tight tangle with a morbidly large, and severely drunken English stranger whose place in our residence I had to question. From the blood and gloves on Groves’ hands, the shocked and seething look on Pete’s face and the body tackle Azz was laying, I assumed the correct notion that we did not want this man in our house any longer....



Paul Groves, thrower of the haymayer that floored the intruder, wrote:

Suspect 1 meets Mr.Fisty

... At about 12.10am I awoke to a noise. I swear it was someone saying ‘stay down’ and ‘just don’t move’. I jumped out of bed and instinctively locked my door thinking it may have been Dave coming home looking to do as he does, wake us up. I then heard Pete outside his room screaming and I mean screaming ‘Boys, someones in the house. Quick hurry he’s got my laptop. Hurry.’ I then went to open my door but cause I had locked it I couldn’t open it first go. Second attempt and the boy was in action.

Now, I really would struggle to punch my way out of a paper bag let alone confront a robber but I think it was the adrenaline that got me. Everything went so quickly but I will try to tell it as best as possible. I went to the top of the stairs which is just outside my room and saw Pete in a struggle with Suspect 1(that’s what the cops call him and I think it sounds quite good). I have a good feeling that when trying to get down the stairs, I slipped and went crashing into the struggle that was proceeding.

Look I have never ever thrown a serious punch aimed at really hurting someone. I have now. This bloke was about my height and was a very big man. Actually really fat to be brutely honest and he absolutely stank of alcohol. I could see he big bald fat head in the light from outside and then BANG. So it was hooroo Suspect 1. Nice meeting you brother!

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Photos

Police
The only photo the boys were able to capture

Comments

[Gumby]

Blow-by-blow account
Bloody sensational work DJ on the web-site. The tough bit is whether you can keep up this sort of intensity for the remainder of the trip? Great looking abode and never seems like a dull moment. Look what life is finally like when your out of Golf Links. My only criticism is: where are the photos of the bloodied fat git??

[Kymbo and Alysia]

what about me???
how come i don;t get an e-mail, and my girlfriend does, i am your team mate after all, although she has just reminded me that she is The Sectretary. by the way, good job fella's, pound those pommy bastrads.