Crossing the Israel border

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My Facebook entry was this. “Drew Is entering Israel tomorrow and has his fingers crossed that he gets searched by some hot female Israeli guard. If it has to be done both naked than so be it..."


I woke up at 630 from Amman Jordan to cross the King Hussein Bridge/Allenby Bridge. The few buses to the border leave early in the morning so at 7 I left. This border is key to keeping the passport. See to have an Israeli stamp means it restricts you in future travels (unless you get a new passport.) And at this border there is a weird thing where. Jordan says that its West Bank so that’s technically not leaving their territory so they stamp a piece of paper, not your passport. The process takes a while but not all bad after making sure they don’t stamp your passport.

A bus than takes you across the bridge - my ipod was playing the Beatles song “We can Work it Out” which I thought was appropriate. At the Israel side we were greeted by this hot Israeli girl in aviator sunnies. She looks at your passport than looks at you. All this is done whilst you are saying to yourself. ‘Oh my god you are hot!’ Your bags are than scanned and taken to the other side of the border post. I would not see them till dinner time (okay elderly dinner time.)

I crossed with this British guy who was in a different line to me. When it was his turn it was a change of shift and his girl (who was nice it seemed) was changed to a complete bitch who enjoyed her brief status of power. He entered in a few hours before me but got his passport stamped.

Me on the other hand got a really nice girl who took a liking to yours truly. I fronted the desk and said a friendly “Shalom” of which I had a slight girlish giggle in response. She went through the regular questions like why am I here? Where have I travelled and why was I there?

Iran is always an interesting one. Even with backpackers it gets a response. “Iran! How was that?” Whilst in Israel it’s mostly “What Iran? Why are you going there? There’s nothing there?” My girl than said “So How long were you there for?” “3 weeks, 21 days” The shock “3 weeks travelling Iran?” She still had the smile on her face and said “okay. We’ll be with you shortly.” I then asked to not get my passport stamped and she said “Okay!” and smiled.

It was already 2pm by this stage. I lined up for a while and knew it was only the beginning. See in the past 4 months I had been to Iran, Syria and Lebanon. If I had Yemen in there, which almost happened, I would have had the quanella.
I went through possible fantasies of what could lie ahead for me with some other guys in waiting. I knew it was going to be a long wait. I was prepared and brought some lunch. Canned Corn and canned tuna - Mediterranean style! So that occupied a good 10 minutes.

Waiting with me were a lot of white tourists. See if you have either of the above mentioned in your passport you are going to have to wait. So with plenty of time it was back to the hypothetical’s. Here’s just one... or two:
See I have a contact from the inside. Shy Lee a girl I met in Ecuador in JP3. She gave me her number to give at the border in case there were any problems. So I was thinking can you just imagine that they call Shy Lee and she says hey can you do a practical joke for me and mentions my facebook entry. And than my fantasy comes true… Thankyou Shy Lee!!
Another one was - shit the women are hot here what happens if you just say you are coming here just for the women. “Don’t you dare cock block me… That’s the only reason why I am here. Purely for sex.” So yeah the time passes quickly at times.

Oooh yeah even better was this one seat perfectly aligned to a red box, head height, once you are seated. (It didn’t happen all the time maybe once every couple of hours.) The first one was a classic. It was silent apart from a few soldiers calling out Arabic names. Metres from me “SLAM” the sound of cranium hitting tin. The poor bastard jolting forward, confusion follows, than a walk off. Everyone looks at each other in a silent happy. I break the silence, “Yes! Yes! That is what you need in situations like this.”

So I get called up and taken to the interrogation room. Inside another tourist is sitting down. We share eyebrows of recognition. I walk past, turn left and pass two girls giggling. I’m thinking man two girls shit but I knew the fantasy was just that - a fantasy. Confirmed when a man came in. Bald and short in stature I greet him.

“Shalom” Surprised he replies “Ahh you know Hebrew?” “No” “Arabic?” “No, Shalom and Kyen (yes)… that’s all” So he goes through the same questions - Where I’m staying? Do I know anyone in Israel? I mention Shy lee and give him her number. He asked me where have I been so I rake off a few countries of no interest to him. Until Iran - scribble - the sound of pen hitting paper. Than Syria, Lebanon, scribble, scribble.

That was resolved for now and we went onto West Bank. “You have travelled to all these countries you must being going to West Bank if you have an interest in these places. I reply:
“I have travelled to all these Arab countries and heard that Tel Aviv’s nightlife is really good. After those countries I really need that.”
“And West Bank?”
“Look, I don’t give a shit about all this. If I want to find out about what is happening here I can watch it on the news. It’s on every bloody day. Plus I am sick of it. It’s ruining my Tuesday night Documentaries. When something happens here that’s it its all about here for the next month. I don’t care. I’m going to Tel Aviv for some nightlife meet up with my friends. You have the number. After that I am going to Jerusalem because well, you have to go to Jerusalem. Than I am going back to Tel Aviv for some more nightlife than I am going. I will be here for 10-12 days.”

He than went back to whether in Syria and Iran did someone give me a message or package to give to someone. I say “No…” He pauses to try and make me feel uncomfortable. (Come on I’m a debt collector now. Silence is not uncomfortable.) “…No” He than says “But there is a reward in doing something like that”
“Well even if someone did. I wouldn’t do it.”
“Really? There is money to make from doing this.”
I pause, I gaze, I shake my head and say “… I don’t need the money.”
“So you are coming here for some nightlife in Tel Aviv see Jerusalem and coming back for some more Tel Aviv nightlife?”
“That’s right!”
And that was it. I waited for over an hour again and I was on my way. A hot blonde soldier walks over and hands me my passport, unstamped. A perfect outcome (apart from the threesome with 2 hot Israeli soldiers with Aviator sunnies.) It was then a torturous process to get to Tel Aviv via Jerusalem. Actually it was not that tough just that after 6-7 hours at the Israeli border and 13 hours to get from A to B I was sooo tired.

I met up with Shy Lee and my other friend Chen (pronounced like you are about to spit out a huge golly at the ‘ch’ part. Go back and try it again… That’s it you’ve got it) who took me to a bar where it was a party with mostly hot girls. Why is the world so difficult?

The process is a long and boring affair. The idea for this place is to either not visit the countries like Iran, not visit Israel at all or go through what I did. And the second option was really close. Sitting there and after all the bureaucratic crap from Central Asia and Middle East part of the world I could have easily pulled the pin. If I didn’t promise my friends I’d visit I could have turned my back. I’m glad I didn’t though Israel does provide a different experience. It does enable the brain to relax for a while and get an honest price even if it’s more expensive.

The length of the wait does provide a negative beginning to any Israel trip. This is why so many travellers who come with preconceptions about Israel don’t give it a chance. Instead come to side with Palestine. I was seriously questioning on whether that would be part of my trip a question that was never fully answered until my last day.

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I ran into the guy in the interrogation room who ‘eyebrows reconditioned’ me. Him and his mate mentioned to the interigator that in Lebanon they got arrested by Hezbollah. They said that because when they entered Jordan the Jordanians knew they were arrested by them. They were about 2 more hours than me. Probably lucky I didn’t mention about my Mullah incidents in Iran. I have to say the Interrogation was pretty disappointing. And it wasn’t just the no ladies interaction in an interrogation room - But the poor line of questioning.

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Photos

Our last meal together in somewhere??
don't know the name

Backgammon anyone?
Jerusalem

Dome of the Rock
Jerusalem

Something exiting was happening here
Except the guy on the right. What's his problem? haha

Comments

[Bill]

The Israeli girls
did you get any action from the Israeli girls? Thats one of the big reasons Im going to Israel. Those who say they don't care about the girls there is like saying they read Playboy for the Articles!!!