Love Song.......?

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I've touched on this before with Johnny Reid, but every love song I listen to is now about me and my time in, with, and here in Scotland. There are times in your life when the radio makes sense. This isn't necessarily one of those times, but I've been lucky enough to get a ton of new songs on my Zune....I found one on random the other day that has stuck in my head and playlist. At first I thought it was about people/a person, but I've decided now that it's about me and being here.

I nearly came home in January and it was a tough decision to make....but I stayed. It sorta haunts me every day, cause I miss my brothers and mum and dad more than I can convey by typing. I know I won't see them until at least Christmas, and it's MY choice. I talked to James last night and it was all I could do not to cry on the phone to him...it felt like I was in his living room, and the thought of being there was too much.... Talk about a willing double-edged sword, eh? Everything I hear has turned into a song about me being here. Happy or sad. It's the same as being in love with someone. Good and bad. Every day is a compromise. And if I've learned one thing about maself, it's that I'm never ever, EVER happy with anything........


When you lower me down
So deep that I
I can't get out

When you're lost, lost and alone
Yes you'd think it was the last place
You'd come back for more

If you don't want me to leave
Then don't push me away
Rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade
But I'm going nowhere

I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
You can't push me too far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

When there's no, no storm
Then how can I feel the calm
If there's nothing, nothing,
Nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me
Back to you

So I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
Cause you don't wanna love me

So I'm gonna stay
You can't push me too far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

If you asked me to leave
And I walked away
We'd still be alone
And we'd still be afraid
I'm going nowhere
I'm going nowhere

Cause I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
All the tears that I've cried
I can leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

Could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me



.......life is a love song, but not everyone realizes it. Not everything is about another physical person...sometimes it's all just your place in the world and how you're handling it. What's your mistress? Do you even know? Do you wax poetical about loneliness? Drunkeness? .......don't we all?

......I'm battling every day. It's hard here. But it was hard in Canada as well. Just a different hard. But I don't want to give up, I don't want to "break up" with being here. If there's one thing in my life that I can try to commit to, it's being here. I've wanted this for so many years.....there's not many things I can say that I stuck to or saw through, but dammit this is going to be one of them. I've left too many great people behind to be here alone to pass it all up and come home with ma tail between ma legs. When I think about what I've given up in order to have significantly less.....well, it keeps me awake at night. But I know that it's the right thing. How does that work?

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Comments

[Gill]

Stick to it :)
Schazz, no matter where you go in life, your friends will always be there with you. The key is to do what you love, and be where you feel you belong. Your friends and family get to still share in your adventure by reading your blog, seeing your photos, and chatting to you either online or on the phone. I'm sure that, like me, they are all excited to hear about your travels, and I'm sure that when you decide to come back to visit, there will be a line-up waiting to receive you. Keep at it, and know that this journey is what you have been looking to for years.