Home is where the Heart is

---

It’s impossible for me to compare my experiences in Sweden to anything else I’ve ever felt in my life, because to do so would be presenting a non-truthful perspective. For me this trip was a homecoming: As I went through the security checkpoint at Dulles International my mother said, “Now you’ll see if this is what you really want to do. Now you’ll know if you really want to move”. And when I was looking back at tram stop at Frölunda Torg I was already certain of where I want to be, and of where I belong.

There have been many milestones in my life, but I don’t think any can measure up to my going to Sweden - it was a trip of many firsts for me. The first time I went abroad alone, bought something huge by my own efforts, had the guts to tell anyone who said I couldn’t do it to fuck off, and I’ll probably cause the Apocalypse by going back at the end of March. But of all firsts, the most important to note is that it was the first time in my life I felt like I was at home. I’ve always believed that “home is where the heart is”, and it can never be grounded by a physical location. Prior to now I’ve just been coasting along in my life, connecting with people but never feeling like I truly fit anywhere. I’m normally very uncomfortable or awkward with people, and trying to be someone I’m not so I can blend in and co-exist. But when I was in Osaka earlier this year I met people that I could relate and connect to; no one knew who I was there at first, and I could just take down any expectation of how I should act and just be myself for once. All of these people are friends, all of them are family, but only two I can call my most cherished brothers. This is why I went to Sweden, and it is why I will be going back. I do not regret the things I have done in my life before now, and I didn’t want to regret not taking this opportunity either.

The plan ever since I left Japan was to move to Sweden in January and work from June until that point. But things change, and just like things so can plans change as well. It’s extremely hard to be without the people you care about for long, and for me I was just starting to understand what family can feel like when I had to leave Japan. So as days turned to weeks, weeks into months, I really began to miss them more and more until a point came where I took a chance. I wanted to see my brothers, and I had the money for a ticket: so I booked my flight to Göteborg. And it was the best three weeks of my entire life. But the most interesting and thought provoking part about it all was that it might have never happened if we all didn’t want to study Japanese, and we didn’t go to Kansai Gaidai. Thinking about the story and the details is almost really romantic sounding; but it’s real. All of this is real, and I couldn’t be happier that it is.

I started my trip to Göteborg in the best possible way - by gaijin smashing customs. On the way over I had two norikaerus, and my connection from Amsterdam to Copenhagen wasn’t quite running on schedule.. not to mention that when I arrived in Copenhagen I only had twenty-five minutes between flights. I did end up making that flight, though, but the same couldn’t be said for my baggage. When I arrived at Landvetter my first few moments were spent in a state that can only be described as “Wait, what?”. For starters.. I couldn’t find customs. Well, I did find customs but my expectation was something similar to what I had to go through in Japan (which can be likened to having every ounce of your being interrogated, and then sent to hell in a handbasket just for fun), but my baggage wasn’t there so I assumed that it and passport control must be someplace else. I take a moment to look around, see a sign for “Non-Swedish Nationals wanting to declare..”, and then a door labeled “exit to baggage claim”. Success! Completely ignoring everything else that was going on around me I took the golden opportunity and leave what actually was customs.. and went into Arrivals. Those first few moments I walked around looking into every doorway I could find to see if customs was hiding somewhere; and when I stopped for just a moment I saw Vince and David walking around on the upper level of the terminal. So what do I do? Stop and wait, of course! Who needs bags and clothes when you’re impatiently bouncing in your spot to see your brothers? At that point clothes and bags were the last thing on my mind, and excitement led us into the valiant search to find my bags. They were still in Copenhagen we learned, and since I’d have to wait for them to be delivered I got a lovely parting gift from the Landvetter Airport just incase something might have happened.

And so my adventure began, as did a new chapter of my life. It would be impossible for me to describe everything that happened while I was there, and even more so to pick favorite things about the trip. But I can say whole-heartedly that meeting new people and experiencing what having an older brother was like were the best things, and those things will last a lifetime. I have new friends, new memories, a new dashing husband and darling wife, and a new beginning chapter in my life. I always pictured myself moving to Japan someday, and being a JET teacher or something similar to that. Now, though, I kinda like the sound of opening and izakaya and bakery in Stockholm or somewhere in Sweden, with trips to Japan ever so often instead.

Still now as I think of things to describe there is just too much to say! I learned how to kick ass and conquer in television games (though only as Gaara, Itachi and Shino), and that it really is possible to play tv games for twelve hours without realizing it (the day Little Big Planet arrived Vince and I playing it nonstop from morning until evening.. it was seriously so much fun!). I fell in love with Swedish pizza and the non-American sandwich, and learned to love something more than eating kyabetsu dake. And with these thoughts in mind I know I will really miss sitting down to breakfast and dinner to watch movies.. and these as well as other sibling time things are really what I am going to miss more than anything else.

The weekends were by far the best I’ve had since Japan without comparison. The first weekend was Vincent’s birthday and the most amazing Halloween party I’ve ever been to. Friday was spent drinking, playing television games, meeting new people and seeing the two I came to rejoin. Our balcony conversations were by far the best - but those were through the weeks as well and include replacing the word “awesome” with tree in my vocabulary, teaching me how to sing “head, shoulders, knees and toes” in Swedish, cancelling rabbits and other things, “Oh, you have such pretty eyes--” “SHARINGAN!”, “is he gay?”, and Viktor’s stories of surprise sex in jail using mustard. Saturday we had a small sewing party to finish up Chris’s costume before the main event that evening, where the guys cosplayed Naruto Shippuden as Itachi, Sasuke, and Gaara. Björn stopped by as well and made his contribution to the Halloween party by being an unwilling Asuma-sensei: we gave him a smoke, Vincent’s leaf village headband, and you seriously wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. I went as Sora.. really regretting not bringing along the Naruto costume or making a Hinata costume now, but I definitely will in the near coming future. Out of everyone at the party their costumes were by far the best - Vince and Chris even had red contacts to do the Sharingan eyes. On the way home we ended up sleeping past our stop on the tram, but the walk back to the apartment was seriously a lot of fun just talking and laughing after a night of drinking and merrymaking.

The second weekend started with what brought the ultimate Apocalypse for my mother when I returned to America - And I’m damn glad for it! When I left Japan I promised that I would grow my hair out long, and that Vincent and I would go get haircuts together when I got to Sweden. So that Friday we made an appointment and the deed was done! Using a picture of Aoi (or Uruha.. can’t remember right now) from a Japanese rock band called “The Gazette” we styled it, bleached out two patches and put in purple coloring - I love it, my mother hates it, and all was right with the world. But the most important part of the second weekend was our mini Kansai Gaidai reunion at Miki’s apartment. Jukka can over from Finland and Fred came from Jönköping, and I met Sophia and Emilie for the very first time. That evening was filling with lots of black gold (seven bottles in total if I remember right? And Tina.. we drank yours, I’ll make it up to you :P) and discovering a bright blue leg exercise thingy in Miki’s fridge the next morning.. and we woke up to more salmiakki for breakfast as well. Saturday evening was the last little bit of salmiakki as well as drinking games, Viktor breaking the world and dyeing Jukka’s hair neon smurf blue. It really was revisiting “the good old days” in a new place, which made me finally realize that I don’t need Japan to be happy.. just the people who were there. Happiness is a journey, not a destination for sure.

And in other news - I finally did my kokuhaku, and I’ll let you know how that turned out when I myself am certain. :P

In my last week I went to Oslo, Norway on Wednesday to visit David for a few days, and had free time both Thursday and Friday to explore the city on my own. In Oslo itself my favorite thing was this one large park just off what I call “the main street” (since.. it probably wasn’t, but it was the biggest street I knew about!). But the park was defined by a pair of large iron gates, and beyond that a stretch of pavement lined with a pond and several statues of people in different positions and poses, some old and some young, some male and some female. After this is what would be a rose garden in the summer and spring months though some of the blossoms were still intact on the bushes and were covered over with a very thin layer of frost - It was one of the most beautiful things I have seen in a long time. I’ve always been very fond of flowers and flower art such as Ikebana or the creations you see in florist boutiques, but the natural is always better; and this section of the park was magnificent just as it was, so I can only begin to image what it is like when the flowers are in full bloom. Beyond the gardens though was a staircase, and on this staircase were statues of two or more people holding onto each other. Each face was different and unique, portraying a varied emotion and telling a story only for your own mind to create. Each left you feeling something new whether it was remorse, anger, happiness, hope, sadness, and so on. But all of these elements led into one giant pillar made of some white stone, and carved all the way around it were human figures. The park, the statues, everything about it left a very profound impact on me, and I can only begin to imagine what it’s like when the weather is warmer; so we’re planning to make a trip to Oslo for my birthday.. I’m so excited to see what it looks like!

So in my final weekend we took Friday night to go out clubbing and to an after party, which was a great experience; my only experience with clubs were the two I went to in Osaka called Pure and Sam and Dave’s, so it was a pleasant and well awaited surprise to see the club culture in Göteborg. On the bus ride back from Norway David and I had drinks and made a bet on what time we’d get back to Central Station - the loser had to drink whatever the winner wanted them to. And after losing by a long shot my night “began” with a vodka Tabasco shot.. and God, it was so delicious; I might have found something to finally replace rum cokes with after all. As determined as I was to stay up all night I eventually crashed on Hugo’s couch, slept a bit before we went home and slept there for a few hours more. That night I also tried cigarettes for the very first time - after the amount of alcohol I consumed I somehow determined that just because I took allergy medication earlier that day that I wasn’t allergic to nicotine anymore.. And that was the worst lie I could have ever told myself. I might love the smell of cigarette smoke, but cigarettes do not like me at all. Saturday night I was determined to not drink and did so with amazing success. I wanted to be able to remember my last night with everyone since I do have the uncanny habit of forgetting things when I drink, including a big part of my last night in Japan. And the night was absolutely wonderful, other than we were all still really tired from the night before.. It was sad as well, since I had to tell Viktor and Björn farewell and I knew that for now it would be my last Saturday in Sweden. But saying “See you later” this time wasn’t nearly as hard as in Japan since I know I’m going back.

While I was in Sweden I was asked to name three things I didn’t like about the country, and I couldn’t name a single one. From my first trip on the tram and through the city I just felt so comfortable and at home with everything. I spent a great deal of time at Brunnsparken just shopping and looking around, but Göteborg is very different from what I am used to in America. To me and in my opinion, Göteborg is made of so many colors that it can’t be anything other than beautiful: there are trees and parks, different shapes and sizes of buildings, everything looked alive and vibrant. One of my first days there we went out to an overlook near Vincent’s gym, and from that spot you had a really clear view of the city itself. That day in particular it was very foggy but it added so much more to the atmosphere and feel of the city: some of the tops of the buildings were hidden, and some buildings you couldn’t see the bases the fog was so dense and thick. It felt so surreal when you took it in, and reminded me a lot of when I could look out over Kyoto from Kiyomizudera and just take in as far as the eye could see.

The entire trip felt like months and not just a few weeks, which is something I consider very good. Having to leave was really hard for me, though; I’m trying hard to not be sad about it however. I cried a lot, yes; and I’m sure I will cry several more times before I go back to Sweden just because I miss my family and my new hometown. But this is another milestone for me, and it takes me that much closer to the time when I can move to Göteborg and try to find work. Once December comes around I’ll be applying to university there to finish my undergraduate degree, and so that I can learn Swedish beyond what the educational system allows for in America. March isn’t very far away when you look at things realistically, and if I could survive the June to November wait after Japan then I damn well can survive the next four months. Good things come to those who wait; I am stronger than before, more certain of where my next journey will take me, and never been happier with where my life is going. To my friends and family, I love you all from the bottom of my heart. In this coming holiday season I wish you great blessings and the best of times; until we meet again in the springtime.

Tack <3

---

Photos

Gothenburg I
View of Gothenburg from an overlook near Vincent's gym

Aniki
And he never knew I was taking this picture.. until now :P

The nap before
Not even the morning after and we were all almost asleep

Surfer dude
Vincent stole my hat :P

New family picture
Last morning in Gothenburg

Out on the town
Outside a pub in Gothenburg as we decided where we'd go that evening

Asuma-sensei?
Björn playing the role of both Asuma and a keyblade warrior

Double Trouble
Kansai Gaidai's pair of mischief makers back at their former antics

Comments

[anonymous]

"the day Little Big Planet arrived Vince and I playing it nonstop from morning until evening.. it was seriously so much fun!)" Yes, yes a million times, yes! Little Big Planet for the win! :3 Also! You're hair is getting so long! I remember, way back in my brain somewhere, when you first got it cut short...ah craziness! Miss you <3

[Nephie]

Yah, that last comment was me =X My bad.

[vince]

woah. dont know where to start. as always, amazingly written. really brought tears to my eyes. and you remember everything so well! i wish i could remember stuff like that. good thing i have you! ^^ damn... we really had so much fun... come back soon! ^^ and what did your mom say about your hair? :P