"No Problem” is 3rd World for Problem

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“No Problem” is 3rd World for Problem


The days of Nha Trang slide by. With its size and hustle n' bustle I wouldn’t usually have spent 7 days there, especially given the limited amount I have left, but with my lottery ticket winnings, I kind of became "comfortable."

I continued to hang out with Ho, and his family. Dinner, drinks, whatever it may be, I was always treated as a guest of theirs. I was lucky at times to convince Ho that I could at least pay the tip, but in typical Ho fashion these occurrences were rare. Tipping here, as most places isn’t expected, so when you do tip you’re a god ; 29 year old million in their eyes.

I ran into a couple of Canadian guys I had met in Saigon. They were staying at the same hotel, in both cities, and with my health returning, we went out a few times for some drinks. After retiring early one evening, their 4AM drinking had brought on the idea of tattoos the following day. They were even kind of enough to leave me a note with the time and location, in a drunken scribble.

I met up with them the following evening. They were first timers to the tattoo gun, and the signs were obvious with the giant drinks they nursed. As they got drunker and drunker, the tattoo talk grew. They even managed to pull two random ( and young) English girls in for little ink. I told them that I had to swing back to the hotel and would meet them at the Tattoo place/Bar in a hour, when they had planned to be inked.

I show up an hour later, and they are all just sitting there, paying for the drinks. I ask them who is first, and I am told - Basically - they all wimped out at the last minute. Maybe it was the 6 inch pool of dried blood on the floor, or just the booze. Regardless, I felt cheated.

The next day I met up with Ho and Company for breakfast/Coffee. Sean Connery (who’s name is actually Helmut) offered to give me a tour of the town and the surrounding country side. So we hoped on his motorbike and whisked away thru Nha Trang. Helmut, is in his mid fifties, but resembles a much younger man. He grew up on the eastern side of Germany, under communist rule, so needless to say a very insightful person on many levels. He can also bust a mean move on the dance floor to Jay Z. The guy is cool, what can I say - I mean, he looks like Sean Connery.

It was nice to ride with him, and see a bit more of Nha Trang and its surrounding areas; The rice fields, the shacks, and the small local restaurants. At one point we are driving across this tiny wooden bridge, that was about 30 years old, and maybe 500 meters long. As the boards that we drove over bobbed up and down, I asked Helmut if this was safe, with the weight and all.

Helmut - “no problem its supports 500 kilos”

Me - “500 Kilos? When? When it was built or NOW?”

He assured me it was fine and we safely reached the other end, and because he was Germany I did trust his technical expertise. If he had given me musical suggestions, it would’ve been a different story. (Germany techno anyone?)

No Problem. I cant tell you how many times I have heard this, and its usually NEVER reassuring. Some examples.

*As we weave in and out with the lane less freeways of Cairo in a 1971 Puget, I ask my driver about the missing seat belt I should be wearing. “No Problem.”

*I’m in a taxi that has circled the same block for the third time, in that “I am lost” sort of stroll. Excuse me, do you have any idea where you are going. “No Problem”

*Motorbike drivers that are curious about you, and want to have a conversation. The only problem is that they are weaving in and out of thousands of other potentially dangerous moving objects. “Please, just drive and we can talk later.” - “Ahhhh, No problem, me drive, me talk. No Problem.”

*Driving off road in a SUV, with an old Russian RPG that pre dates the Cold War, three feet behind me. “Is it a problem with this bomb in the back of the SUV?” You guessed it, of course it was “No Problem.”

I had another No Problem moment the other day when I took a bus from Nha Trang to Mui Ne, a small beach town in the south.

It was also a bit of Murphy’s Law. Fuck Murphy, and Fuck his Law.

So the bus pulled into my stop, Mui Ne. I get off the bus, and am “greeted” by motorbike drivers looking to “help you out” with a hotel. This is common, as most hotels will pay a commission to the driver in return for the business. Sometimes it’s a tame scene, sometimes its an all out battle. Regardless, after a 5 hours bus ride that provided many “No Problems,” it isn’t the first thing you want in your face when you step off a bus. So I go to open the luggage compartment to retrieve my backpack, and it wont open.

The next thirty minutes were spent with various Vietnamese men, kick, hitting, and tugging on the door, until the hardware came out to eventually dismantle it. While I’m sitting there (and the other passengers looking on), this guy keeps pushing hotels on me. I tell him, bag first, Hotel second. Of course its, “No Problem, you get bag.”

Mui Ne has been a nice change to Nha Trang, as much as I enjoyed my time there. This is a very quite version of Nha Trang, with no real city center, just a road that runs with motorbikes, and a buses.

The one thing I was looking forward to in Mui Ne was the world famous sand dunes, in both the Red and White flavors.

I arranged a jeep for early this AM, earlier then the usual run, because I wanted to be there at dark for a good time lapse. So I had 4 AM wake up call, and of course Murphy and his Law made the driver late. As we drove to the dunes, I sulked as the sun began to peak over the hills, seeing my perfect time lapse lost. I usually don’t wake up at 4 am for many things, and if I do, I want to make sure that it was worth it. Needless to say, I spent the drive out sulking in his old Vietnam war era jeep. At the end I told myself to get over it, and enjoy what you have, time lapse or not. As it turned out the cloud cover didn’t create the best sunrise, however it was still amazing. I was able to snap a bunch a picture, in a sand dune that was better then anything I’d seen in Egypt. I would’ve never thought that Vietnam, would be my premiere Sand Dune site. A local kid and his rentable sand sled followed me out for to sand dunes, hoping that I’d become a rentee. I did, and it was a blast; sliding down a sand slope, that’s been carved by wind only. At this point, I was over the missed time lapse.

From there we continued on to a few other Dunes (the red ones), which were very crowded. I was able to get my “sand Dune moment” - although, I thought it would’ve come in Egypt. Ironic, no?

Tomorrow I’m off to Saigon for my final days in Vietnam. I plan to see Ho and his family in Saigon, as well as Ho’s Fianceeé (as of a few days ago). It should be a good time, and look forward to seeing the city, sans illness.

-Dylan

PS. I will be posting a bunch of pictures tomorrow, for those that have been able to get into the gallery.

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Comments

[Marinos]

WOW! Not having to pay for a tip when you're eating dinner with a Ho, even when you're getting Helmut on a motorbike like Cam'ron or something... Nam is AMAZING!!!! My man Hoang and his sister Chi are very happy that you are having a good time in their home country! Recuerdos los zapatos Jordan por favor.