Dinh & Peter's Travel Tips

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(First in a Series)

Tip No. 1: When emptying the waste water from the sink of a campavan, ensure the drain hose is washed thoroughly with clean water and hang it up to drain for at least 3 minutes. If not, the resulting smell when the remaining waste water spill from the hose will render your campavan a moving sewage dump. The smell will be so bad that driving behind a sheep truck for 50 kms will be a relief.

Tip No. 2: Do not park in a No Parking Zone in Queenstown. There will not be any sign to designate it as a no parking zone or any warning that your car will be towed. There will, in fact, be other cars parked there, leading you to believe that it is a perfectly legitimate parking space.

Do. Not. Be. Misled.

Those other cars have the super-secret, invisible, I-am-a-Kiwi-and-not-a-gullible-tourist parking permit. You do not.

As a result, you will be forced to wander Queenstown looking for the police station and when you finally find it, it will be closed at 3 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon. You will then have to call the police station in Dunedin, which is 500 kms or so away. The operator who finally picks up the phone will not know where your car is and will not know how you can get it out of the impound lot. (You are not worried that your car has been stolen because it is a piece of shit that has almost 300,000 kms on it but was really cheap to rent.)

Two or more hours later, you will finally find your car.

It will be the ONLY car in the impound lot. Because everyone else has a parking permit (see above). You will pay $172 NZ to the Kiwi who finally frees your car and he will tell you only 1 other car has been towed and impounded in the last 2 months.

Tip No. 3: The best and only bargain in NZ is a 50 cent McDonald's soft serve cone. Have at least one a day so you don't feel as if you're always getting hosed in NZ (see Tip No. 2).

Tip No. 4: If you are having or planning to have a mid-life crisis, do it in NZ. The Kiwi men here are HOT. For example, our kayaking guide at Abel Tasman looks like Sawyer from Lost.
Peter: The Rachel Hunter types are all in Auckland, a big family she has too!! Pity the genes weren't dispered further afield..

Tip No. 5: When in Haast, NZ, don't stop unless you have your double-wide and chewin' tobaccy. I reckon.

Tip No. 6: Do not wear flip-flops on a 4 hour hike. Do not believe the Kiwi who tells you that she has done that same trail barefoot. She may have, but you cannot. Sandflies are bastards.

Tip No. 7: When a blonde woman runs into the internet cafe to tell you that there is a fire in the building, ignore her. Must. Finish. Blog. Entry.

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Comments

[Charles "The Commish" Hirsch]

Sewer Hose
Peter, you should have talked to me more about basic RV maintenance instead of gambling or drinking beer in Las Vegas. Empty the black tank first then dump the grey. Follow this by hosing it down. Call me if yu have questions on electrical systems. I can tell you how to get taken for $1000 US with a bad inverter unit. All my Best, Charles