Sand in my Pants

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With Cusco behind us our trip was quickly coming to an end. We thought of heading off to the second deepest canyon in the world outside of Arequipa but after the thought of lugging packs down switchbacks of a canyon twice as deep as the Grand Canyon, the beach trumped the hiking. We headed Northwest after a one night stay in a dive hotel in Arequipa to the small beach town of Chala. Our guidebook recommended jet skis and horseback riding at one of the fancier hotels up the way. One phone call shut that idea down pretty quick as all they had were kayaks. Kayaks? Please, unless these kayaks had throttles, we weren't interested.

One more stone's throw up the coast landed us in Huacachina. Huacachina is an oasis (seriously, giant sand dunes in every direction and just a small puddle of water surrounded by palm trees) 5km outside of Ica, one of Peru's regions for producing wine and Pisco (it's national drink). I think a gringo may actually be the mayor of this tiny town that resembles more of a mirage than a municipality. We arrived in the afternoon on Sunday and the immediate dunes and the water were packed with locals beating the heat. We parked it at a cheap hostel for the night. After a sunset stroll and some grub we went to bed in preparation for a full day of beer drinking and pool side relaxing before heading out on a sand buggy to try sandboarding on the dunes. Once in our room I had to assume the double duty of fanning Jess with a notebook and stomping around the bathroom to keep the cockroaches at bay while she brushed her teeth. Who does she think she is anyway? The heat was stifling and the sweat beading on my forehead and constant drone of mosquitoes searching for exposed skin kept me miserably awake. I had a quick lapse in and out of sleep before the window shutters began to lightly beat against the wall and the earth began to rumble. It was only a few seconds but we very quickly realized it was a small earthquake, most likely an aftershock of the one that devastated Chile the morning before. Concepcion is 1,500 miles away from where we were but the initial quake shook buildings as far as Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Almost as brief as the quake the night before was the decision process to switch to a nicer hotel for a final nights of the trip. We signed up for the sunset buggy ride and headed sown the street to Hotel Suiza where we promptly were checked in and shown to our posh room (fan included) and balcony view of the lagoon. Bags were dropped and swimsuits were sported as we made our way down to the pool. For the first night we were the only inhabitants of the hotel so we had the pool all to ourselves. Exotic birds in fancy cages whistled as I strutted my stuff and we caught some rays (which instantly transformed me into a lobster). The middle of the day slowly slipped by and it became time to head down to the old hostel to meet our group for the big ride.

Our driver's name was Jesus (naturally this settled our nerves...) and the other couple were from France and both named Alex (and Alix). It must be so weird to date someone with the same name... Anyhow, we hit it off with both our driver and this couple and put the massive yellow machine into gear and headed out towards the hills. Our buggy was shaped like a mole as it had a roll cage that came to a point like a snout in front. Once the tires touched the sand Jesus gave it the gas and the engine roared to life and we were off. The enormous tires grabbed the sand and sent us barreling along at speeds of up to 50 mph. The grins were ear to ear but the fear was very present as I thought we would roll at any second as we made wide turns at high speeds. Instantly it was as if we were in the Sahara as the oasis slipped out of view.

Jesus gunned the engine and we rapidly tore upwards and then a quick turn would pitch us back down the steep dune. After a half hour of driving with wild abandon, we stopped at some small dunes to get comfortable with the sandboards. These were basically just fancy pieces of plywood with a smooth bottom and velcro straps for your feet. Many people try to use these like actual snowboards but we found lying flat on your stomach and bombing the hills head first was much more appealing and pumped the adrenaline. We then graduated to a bigger hill that Jess braved first. After the rush of our first big hill it was time for the big boys. 400 ft of shredding at high speeds. Once someone left the peak you could only barely make out there ant-sized body with flailing arms at the bottom, hooting and hollering. The sun was setting and our bodies were aching from laughing and from the constant adrenaline buzz. Jesus put the pedal to the metal and we headed back for a celebration beer for making back alive. After having been so fueled with energy it was definitely worth extending our stay for one more night and some more pool time. Although a very popular destination on the tourist trail, Huacachina provided a perfect setting for wrapping up a monumental trip.

That brings us to the time where we get to thank all of you for putting up with all of our stories and for all of your constant support and encouragement. We could not have come down here if it weren't for all of you. And now for the moment you have all been waiting for: Mike and Jess' Top 10 Travel Observations and Tips.

10) While camping, it is best to consume all boiling hot liquids outside of the tent. Disregarding this policy only results in scalded skin and soggy sleeping bags. Tent time should be reserved for sleeping and shadow puppets.

9) Children are cute but don't let them fool you. They are savages. Show them no mercy in confrontations. They must be tried as adults. Every man, woman and child for himself.

8) The veggie option loosely translates to ham surprise. We have found out that not many people consider ham to constitute meat. When ordering a sandwich with pimiento y queso you get a sandwich with peppers, cheese, and ham. What part of pimiento and queso says jamon? Turns out ham is as regular as tomato sauce.

7) Standing in line for a stall in a Bolivian women's restroom closely resembles betting on the horse races. There isn't just one general line but individual lines behind each stall. It doesn't matter how long you have been waiting for a stall, if you picked the wrong line, you must watch others reach the glory while your line creeps along. You must carefully size up your line companions before placing your bet, the elderly and those with small children are risky bets.

6) Just when you think you have bought the perfect, unique souvenir, think again. Every other traveler bought that scarf and although they don't wear it as well as you, they wear it anyway...all the time. Don't sport any garment that was bought on your trip until you are back home and are sure no one else will be wearing it.

5) You are not the only person soul searching when traveling far from home. It is no chance of fate that you are reading The Alchemist. Your copy has passed through the hands of 80%!o(MISSING)f the travelers in South America. (By the way The Alchemist is an inspiring read).

4) Expect breakdowns in communication. Wording is key. When ordering the house pizza but half of it without ham, twenty minutes later you find a tray with half of a pizza without ham placed in front of you.

3) Don't accuse a Bolivian police Sergeant of stealing from you unless you are absolutely positive he has.

2) Upgrading to a "better" room at a hostel may provide you with hot water but it will not rid you of cockroaches, bed bugs, feral cats or earthquakes.

1) Turns out that while you are traveling, not only does your family and friends miss you but they equally despise you.

We have now arrived home, safe and sound, and are glad to be back. We look forward to seeing you all soon. Thanks again. With love,
Mike and Jess

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Comments

[ryan]

it is weird dating someone with the same name
yo. great top ten. i myself observed the very same thing. i am so glad you are back and i can't wait to see an album compilation of your trip. i think it is a great idea to intersperse the blogs with the pics so they correspond. peace out, jobless siblings. :) love you ryan

[Swift, KT]

Love the top ten!! And the blog in general...
So glad that you guys made it back safe and had such an awesome trip!! However, I wholeheartedly agree with #1 and therefore cannot speak to you until I am on my own trip!! Haha!