You Know You´re Destined for Disaster When...

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You Know You´re Destined for Disaster When...
As a first-time traveler you:

* Pack an American flag bandana, a hat with an American flag stating: ¨America: established 1776,¨ and a shirt with a waving American flag accompanied by a bald eagle that reads, ¨Proud to be an American.¨

* Manage to acquire hand-delivered alcohol to your plane seat, and, thus, alcohol intake on flight without paying $6 a shot.

* Have to be convinced by your traveling comrade not to consume an entire liter of Vodka on the first flight leading to your Mexico City layover. Your reasoning: if there´s alcohol in front of me, I will drink it until it´s gone.

* Enlist the assistance of a flight attendant in placing your essentially-empty liter in the overhead compartment. He informs you you´re really not supposed to drink on the flight.

* Wordlessly and immediately guzzle the remaining five gulps of Vodka when your friend notifies you that you don´t have to hold back because of her modest consumption.

* Pass out during the layover´s remainder and do not recollect anything during the 4 hours between sitting at a table and boarding the connecting flight to Lima. Activities during those four hours include skipping and singing loudly about your love for America.

* Go through immigration having drunkenly written the wrong passport number. Upon being asked how many days intending to stay in Peru, you reply, ¨I don´t know anything you just said.¨He writes ¨790 days.¨You´re actually staying 9 days.

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