Here's a little story that must be told

---

I'm in Puno right now and just got back from a beautiful trip on Lake Titicaca. But that is for my next entry. For now it's....

Story time kiddies!!!

If you travel in Peru, you must know that many Peruvians are hustlers are some kind. I think they listen to a lot of Jay-Z.

So there I was, on an overnight bus from Nazca to Arequipa. I, along with everyone else on the bus, was awakened at 7 in the morning by a young man neatly dressed in a dress shirt and slacks. What was so important that you had to wake as all up? I thought. He then launched into a 30 minute plus presentation on the importance of good health. OK, I though, Cruz del Sur (the bus company) wants to give its passengers some health education, something which I noticed had been lacking in people I had talked to. Oh how wrong I was! The only thing he succeeded in was making most passengers even more ignorant about their health. He first talked for 10 minutes about parasites and made us paranoid about consuming any type of food or drink. After done with the parasites spiel, he wanted to sell us some wipes and told us ¨There is no price on your health, trust me.¨ Yea right. Like I'm going to pay $10 for some ¨medicated¨ wipes.

But he wasn't done...

He then talked about a facial cream, selling for 35 soles ($11) in stores but he would part with a bottle of it for only 19 soles ($6). Awww...what a nice guy. Yet not. His main acheivement was making everyone paranoid that we couldn't touch anything without using wipes. I still live in fear to this day. Who knows what kind of plague awaits me on the keys I'm typing on right now?

People actually bought some of his wipes and creams, and as he passed my seat I noticed he had a laminated photo ID with the title of ¨difusor de la medicina natural¨ (promoter of natural medicine). Hmmm. Needless to say, I had thought this guy was a passenger on the bus the whole time, but all of a sudden the bus stopped and the guy got off, in the middle of nowhere, probably to wait for the next passing bus. I couldn't believe it. This guy was literally standing on the side of the highway, waiting for his next victims.

After he left, another guy got up, and said he worked for the bus company. He passed out flyers advertising discounts on bus tickets. I thought, OK, this guy's just promoting his employer. But yet again, I was wrong. Out of nowhere he began to talk about his ill sister, who didn't have enough money for her meals. So he was trying to scrap a few soles together to buy her one. It still didn't make any sense though. This guy was working for a reputable bus company and probably made enough money to buy her plenty of meals. Who knows...

This past Sunday I was on a bus to the town of Puno, right on Lake Titicaca (I know, it sounds funny to me too). Before the bus even leaves Arequipa, there was another hustler. What a surprise. He gave out candy, asking for money. As the bus was pulling away towards Puno, yet another hustler, I mean gentleman, stood up. This was becoming routine. Again with his fancy little laminated photo ID, he talked about the dangers of fat and keeping the stomach clean, highly ironic considering he was, shall we say, quite ¨big-boned¨ himself. He also warned us of the dangers of sleeping with your mouth open because deadly parasites could enter your system. Hmmmmmm. This particular hustler, sorry, gentleman, stepped up his game from the last guy by showing us a series of pictures of disfigured faces and even a pig, whom he considered evil incarnate. When he showed a picture of hemorrhoids on a sex organ, it was too much. Not even the wailing guitar of Jimi Hendrix coming from my headphones could drown out his thundering prose, so I gave in and let him finish his babbling. He finished by offering us a tea to drink once a month that would completely clean out our systems. Oh happy happy joy joy! I was glad when he finally decided to sit down and leave us in peace, but the 3 hour TV movie (yes, 3 hours!) ¨Mysterious Island¨starring Patrick Stewart and based on a Jules Verne novel, only made things worse. Bored, I decided to watch, but the terrible acting and the killer creatures were probably the worst animation I'd ever seen. Yaawwn.

Like I said before, I really do think Peruvians listen to a lot of Jay-Z.

In the words of Jay Hova aka H to the Izzo himself: ¨I´m a hustler homey, you a customer crony.¨

Indeed.

---

Comments

[Sam]

i was just in the ER...
and this guy came in with horrible parasites, and he starts telling me and the doc about how he just got back from central america, and how if he had JUST bought a few 'magical medical wipes' everything woulda been fine.... ;) Sounds like you're rocking out, definately keep the posts coming, because we all keep reading them! Stay safe, B.

[jacqueline]

_
I'm a hustla baby, i just want you to know.. Your travels sound excellent, Berrrrrrrrrrnie. I trust you are enjoying yourself! bates is cold. be happy that when you go outside in a t-shirt, you arent going to die. that's all. no wait i lied. i'm a bit disappointed we didnt get to drink some yuenglings. maybe when you get back eventually. peace, jacqueline