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Published: August 10th 2007
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eggsactly what is going on here?
the laws of physics change slightly at the equator.... So, I was back in Ecuador, and in some ways it was a big relief. I could understand people again, and they could understand ME! The accents had been so difficult in Venezuela. Unfortunately, having left the security of an overland tour, I was subjected once again to B.S.A. (Backpack Separation Anxiety. This is when you are on a public bus and you have to stow your backpack in the compartment underneath. You try to seat yourself by a window and crane your neck at every stop to make sure no-one is taking your backpack off)
I stayed with my Ecuadorian family for a few days and enjoyed their incredible hospitality once again. If you are reading this Giselle, Stefania and Luis-Fernando, thank you again! Incidentally, the family has had dozens of foreign students living with them over the years and Giselle can tell someone´s nationality by the way they eat. The English are easy. Most of the time we use our fork upside down (ie prongs facing down), and use the knife to push things onto it. Why oh why do we do this? This is how I was taught as a child, and it is how most of
us are taught. We are taught it is polite to do this. But when you think about it, it is ludicrous. The fork is surely designed as a shovel, so why do we turn it upside down and make life difficult for ourselves? Peas always fall off, as do most small pieces of food, unless secured first by larger pieces of food further down the tine. (Tine is the technical term for the prong of a fork. I don´t see the need to get technical with cutlery, but if there´s a proper word I should use it). The Americans, however, have the most distinctive eating style of all. I hope I don´t offend any American readers here, but please watch Americans when they eat. It is more ludicrious than the English way. It goes as follows.
1. Hold knife and fork in the opposite way to the English Manner - Fork in left hand, knife in right (picture it)
2. Cut enough food for one mouthful
3. Transfer the knife to the table, resting against the plate.
4. Transfer the fork to the right hand.
5. Consume a forkful
6. Swap fork back to left hand, pick up knife
fake tan safety warning
This was actually mud from a riverbed. Good for your skin apparently. (if you like yellow skin that is) with right and continue!
Anyway, I digress. One day back in Quito and I had my first argument in Spanish, which I was quite pleased with! A taxi driver was charing me $2 for a fare which I knew was only $1. It´s only 50 pence difference, but it´s the principle. I accused him of charging me a gringo price and told him I wasn´t a tourist. We settled on $1.25. Good practice of Spanish
Over the next few weeks in Quito I made a few more observations worthy of note.....
MORE OBSERVATIONS ON ECUADOR
1. Some cash machines have convex rear-view mirrors, to see any dodgy characters behind you. Some of the newer ones also have speakers so you can hear the banks newest, exciting and thrilling offers. You get a cute little jungle followed by "did you know that if you opened up a new flex-saver account today...blah blah blah" Can you imagine how annoying that would be? If I was still programming for HSBC, I´d add an option on the screen: "Press To Shut The F*** Up"
2. Cutlery in restaurants arrives in cute straw baskets like a rowing boat. (SHAPED like
Free Range
Click and enlarge. What do you see? These guinea pigs were running wild and free at a lodge I stayed at. a rowing boat, not the SIZE of a rowing boat.. Not only is that ridiculous, but the table would collapse)
3. Bread rolls for breakfast are served in a basket (NOT shaped like a rowing boat) with butter and lovely fresh jam. BUT, they never give you a plate! The bread is always of the super-crispy type, and cutting it open and eating it leaves a battlefield of crumbs in a huge radius. If four of you are eating together, it looks like an explosion in a bread factory
4. As well as being a national dish, guinea pigs are used as a form of medicine. A truly versatile rodent. I learnt this from a student nurse called Brandy from Champagne (Champagne is a small town in the USA. I suspect she also had a sister called Martini). She was working in an Ecuadorian hospital with a local who had trained in New York. He practiced Western/Modern medicine, but also combined it with indigenous medicines and shamanic techniques. The use of the guinea pig is as follows. The patient undresses to expose the affected area and the guinea pig is rubbed over the patients body. Our furry friend
uses of cats of Ecuador
None. They are neither eaten nor used in medicine. They just sit on walls and look cool is meant to absorb the sickness of ailment from the patient. Sometimes the patient is very ill and the doctors don´t have a diagnosis. The guinea pig is then rubbed liberally all over the body, and if the patient is seriously ill, the guinea pig has been known to die. They then do an AUTOPSY on the guinea pig to determine the illness!
5. Ecuadorians have an incredible capacity for holding their "wee". A six-hour bus journey might only have one toilet stop. But you´d better be quick because the bus won´t wait long! I have seen passengers left behind. Some buses have a toilet on board, but these are "only for women" ??
6. You´ll never go hungry on a bus ride. Every time a bus stops, or even slows down, people leap on board with baskets and bags of produce. Fruit, corn pancakes, bags of nuts, hot corn-on-the-cob, dried meat etc.... They walk down the bus and then leap off at the next stop
7. The line of the equator runs through Ecuador. On the actual line itself, the laws of physics are slightly altered. You can balance an egg on a nail with ease. When you try to walk along the line itself with your eyes closed, you cannot walk in a straight line! Step two metres away and it´s no problem. In another demonstration, a sink of water was placed on the Equator line. The water drained straight down! Putting it to the left or the right of the line by a meter caused it to drain clockwise or anticlockwise. Cool or what?
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gypsy
non-member comment
OHMIGOD
I eat like an american...what a total fuckard I am! ps I don't believe that egg thing...will immediately go to the nearest part of the equator with a nail and egg.