At the carnaval in Salvador da Bahia

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Faking an Upset Stomach

It was the day after the carnival ended in Salvador da Bahia. I was staying at Geraldo's place, sharing a room with Robert Brown from Auckland, New Zealand.

Geraldo is a Brazilian with Jewish origins. His wife is of Italian extraction, as many Brazilians are, especially in Sao Paulo. His wife is very interested in India and has named their daughter 'Kirana', after the Sanskrit word 'kiran' which means the 'ray, usually of the Sun'. Geraldo lived and studied in Texas for two years and so spoke good English. His impressions of the US is that Americans feel that the US is the centre of the Universe.

Salvador is the first place where I had participated in the Carnaval. I don't know how it works in Rio de Janeiro or New Orleans or Venice but here in Salvador, it is music and rhythm and dance along with genuine people participation. The music and the rhythms dominate your senses all through the week. There is also the kaleidoscope of backgrounds, races, colors, origins, all beating to the same samba rhythm. It is also a festival for the young where young men and women submit themeselves to their raw sexual urges, prompted by the energy of the rhythms.

Salvador is also the capital of Afro-Brazilian culture. I was talking to Geraldo about the mix of the races in Bahia and how well the 'white' and black races have integrated here in Brazil. Geraldo, however, downplayed it.

He said, "Perhaps, considering the US, we are much better integrated. But race is still a problem here as well. On the one hand, the black men and women here like to attract German and Northern European men and women and marry them. They use their skills in dancing towards this end. The blacks here don't prefer us, the Brazilian whites. On the other hand, when I was in college, I wanted to date a black girl here but there was much resistance from her family as well as her community because I am white. So, you see, it is much the same as everywhere else".

I was to leave for Sao Paulo by the evening bus that day, at 9 pm. It is a 36 hour journey and it left me just one day in Sao Paulo to catch my flight back to San Francisco. It was the last day my ticket was valid and so it was very important for me to leave for Sao Paulo on that day.
As I packed up to leave Geraldo's, he suggested that I leave my bags in the room and spend the day in town and collect the bag later in the evening before I leave for the bus station. I thanked him for the courtesy, left my bags in the room and went into town.

I returned at 7 pm to Geraldo's pousada to collect my backpack. But my room was locked and there was no one in the house. I looked around to see whether my backpack was kept somewhere in the house for me to collect it. There was no sign of my pack. After a while, I saw a girl, who I took to be the maid in the house, and asked her about Geraldo. She said that the entire family had gone to the airport to send off a relative and won't be back till 10 pm. I knew that I had to do something if I wanted to leave for Sao Paulo that evening. I tried various other keys given to me by the maid, but none of them would open my room. The Argentines staying next door tried to help me but to no avail. Someone suggested that I break the window open but I couldn't bring myself to do it. In the end, it was already 9 pm and Gearaldo was still not back. I gave up on my bus to Sao Paulo.

Geraldo returned at 10 pm and was deeply embarassed and apologetic by what he had done. I didn't say much as it was a genuine mistake and of course, we all make mistakes. He called my bus company - called Sao Geraldo - and asked as to whether I could still use my ticket for the bus the next day. He was told that if I produced a doctor's certificate that I was unable to travel, then they would let me use the same ticket the next day.

Geraldo swung into action calling a cousin of his, who was a doctor, to get her to give me a medical certificate. But she turned out to be a specialist in some odd discipline and said that I should go to the local hospital to get a certificate for my 'stomach upset'. It was 11 pm and Geraldo drove me to the local government hospital. He said to me, " Raghu, I am going to say that you are having stomach pains as a result of some food here. Though you speak some Portuguese, I don't want you to say a word. I will do all the talking and you are not supposed to understand any Portuguese. Got that?". I nodded in agreement.

The hospital looked in pretty good condition for a government facility in a third world nation. The staff also was kind and courteous and hardly bureaucratic. I had no medical insurance and Geraldo managed to get them to attend to me on his insurance. Soon, a tall, young, bearded doctor came over to attend to me. It turned out that he was a medical student and was an intern there. Along with him, was a pretty young woman doctor, who also happened to be an intern.

Geraldo started quickly making up the story for me. He told the doctor that I was a tourist from India for the carnaval and that I am a vegetarian and seemed to have contacted some stomach illness due to the food here in Salvador. He also said that all I needed was a certificate of illness so that I could catch my 'flight' to San Francisco the next morning. The doctor asked Geraldo about my symptoms and as Geraldo was rattling off in Portuguese, I turned my gaze and attention to the lovely lady intern as it looked as though she was paying quite some attention to me. I smiled at her and started to engage her in converstaion in bad Portuguese. Meanwhile, the other intern turned his attention to me and asked me something in Portuguese. Geraldo jumped in and said that I speak no Portuguese at all. The intern asked me, "Well, do you speak English?". I said yes and then he proceeded to ask me about my symptoms in well-spoken English.

I saw that Gearldo was suddenly tensing up. I found myself in a fix as I had not paid any attention to Geraldo when he talked to the doctor about my symptoms. Now, I was worried that I might say things which simply contradicted him. I chose the only way out and became vague and indicated some pain in some parts around my lower abdomen. The doctor looked somewhat concerned and then went into another room. Geraldo took the opportunity to discipline me saying, "Look. You must pay attention here. Don't show such an obvious, healthy interest in that girl. You are supposed to be sick and in pain".

The doctor returned a few minutes later and asked me to lie down. As he pressed my abdomen and asked me if I feel any pain, I felt the need to say that I felt some pain at random so that I could back up Geraldo's story. After the examination. the doctor looked more concerned and said that I should get my urine and blood tested immediately. Geraldo realised that it was getting a bit out of hand. He insisted that all I needed was a certificate and that I will take care of myself when I get back to the US. I backed him up as well. But the young doctor turned to me and said, "You see, your health is more important than catching the train or a flight. We in Brazil have the same kind of problems as you do in India. Our food can be contaminated and we have to make sure that you don't have any serious problem. So, please go through with the tests and then we will see."

Geraldo and I made our way out of the room. Once we were clear of the hospital staff, Geraldo said , "This may get more complicated than I thought. We can't go through with all this stuff now. Let us quietly leave the hospital and we will try some other doctor".
As we tried to leave the hospital, the security staff at the exit asked us for our papers. Geraldo handed over what the doctor had given us. The security man said that we cannot leave the premises as the doctor's signature 'clearing us' is not to be found and asked us to go back and get it. We realised that we had to go through with the blood and urine tests.

At the laboratory, Geraldo spun the story with the girls at the lab that I am an Indian tourist and that I must catch my flight early morning and requested them to get my samples tested ahead of all the others. The girls were so kind and cheerful and they assured me that they will do it all 30 minutes. Again, I was very impressed as to how efficient, humane and cheerful are the staff in government hospitals in Brazil. Though the young doctor talked about Brazil's problems to me in the same light as India's, I could see that Brazil functions more like a first-world nation than a third-world nation.
I could hardly expect such courtesy, smile and efficiency in a government hospital in India.

The girls were as good as their word. My results were received in 30 minutes. I was confident that everything will be alright as I knew that there was nothing wrong with me. So, I felt comfortable to try and chat with the young lady intern in Portuguese. Geraldo pulled me away to the other doctor. The young doctor looked over my results and nodded his head in satisfaction. He said to me, "Everything looks very good. Actually you are in good health. I was worried that you may be suffering from the beginnings of appendicitis, going by your symptoms. But you are fine. You can travel tomorrow".

"So, can you give him a certificate?" asked Geraldo.

The doctor looked taken aback and said, "Well, I am only an intern here. I am not allowed to write out any certificate."

Everything seemed to be back to square one again. Geraldo threw up his hands and beseeched him to give a certificate. The doctor sympathised with me but was afraid to go beyond his brief. Finally, after Geraldo's pleading, he wrote a certificate which said something like I was tested and found to be okay. We took the certificate and bid good bye to both the nice young interns and drove back to Geraldo's house.

It was 1 am as we got home and I went to bed immediately so that I could catch a bus soon in the morning. I woke up by 7 am and found that Geraldo had already left for work. I supposed that he didn't want to deal with my problems any more. His wife fixed me some breakfast and I was at the bus station by 9 am. I went to the Sao Geraldo Bus company's office and showed my ticket and explained in Portuguese as to why I couldn't make the journey the previous night. The girl at the ticket window listened with a smile and then asked me as to what I want to do now. I said that I wanted to use the same ticket to travel today by the next available bus. She looked at her display screen and said that I can travel by the evening bus at 9 pm. I was relieved and happy and gave her the doctor's certificate.

She looked over it and asked "What is this?".

I said "This is the doctor's certificate showing why I couldn't travel yesterday. I was told that I need this to use the same ticket"

She laughed and said "Well, you don't need any such thing. You have a ticket. We have a seat. So, you go!"

I thought that was a fitting end to the whole saga.

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