Hydrophobia

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Growing up, I was incredibly afraid of water. Mum and dad tried their very best to get me to go to swimming classes but after a nasty experience watching a swimming teacher push my sister into the pool, the fear just grew into this monstrous phobia that I couldn't seem to shake. I was so scared of water that I even bit my dad's cheek once, when we tried to get me into the water (sorry dad, I still feel really bad about that). Eventually I got over the full out phobia but I still was on edge every time I was near or in water. So you can imagine my family's shock upon hearing that I was now spending my weekends in the ocean with a surfboard. Thats right! SURFING! I recently got into surfing and it has been the most incredible thing I've ever tried. It is so tough and so challenging and really tests your limits both physically and mentally but I have never felt so raw and so connected to nature. I'm still very very new to it and only just starting out but I can tell that I've already gotten bit by that surf bug that my surfer friends warned me about because every weekend, I'm always making plans to head back to the sea. No matter how discouraged I get when a wave smashes me down or crumbles on my head, something in me just won't let me give up. I haven't been this determined to work at something (especially something that one can argue I have little control over…those waves are massive!) in a really long time. The first few times I was really hard on myself for not being as good as I wanted to be. My boyfriend, Oli (who I will talk about in another post), was so nice the whole time and reminded me that I can't put so much pressure on myself - particularly because I'm so new to the ocean and before I learn to surf, I need to first learn to read the ocean and understand the energy within it. Hearing it from him was good, considering that his comfort in the ocean comes from growing up on a bay and he is still scared sometimes. He sees how determined I am to get better at it and we've decided we will keep working at it while I still have the opportunity to (really sad that Toronto isn't near any coastlines!) A few weekends ago, the stoke I got when I finally got on that board and rode a wave was pure joy. I have never felt that scared and comfortable at the same time. When I'm in the ocean, I feel so calm and so vulnerable. I feel like I'm so small but I can do so many big things if I keep pushing myself. I'm happy to say that even getting out there and in the ocean after living in fear of water makes me very very proud of myself.

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