Staying Out of Trouble

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So while there are some things that are on the must do list while we are in Europe, it is probably not a bad idea to have a must not do list also. While someof these may be tempting, in the interests of our own non-incarceration and the continuing friendly relationship between NZ and Europe, they are best avoided. So here are 16 things we shall avoid doing on our trip:



1. London Loudly play the Sex Pistols’ version of “God Save the Queen” while observing the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace. (I actually quite want to do this …)



2. Rome Have a wee in the Trevi Fountain.



3. Vatican City Stand on a platform and run a “condom scramble”.



4. Venice Burst into a rousing version of “Deutschland Uber Alles” on VE Day.



5. Zurich Ask if anyone knows where they display the booty stolen by the Nazis off the Jewish prisoners of concentration camps.



6. Munich Ask a local why the beer tastes like weasel piss.



7. Dresden Pretend to be a plane dropping shitloads of bombs.



8. Berlin Dress up in an SS uniform and/or do the Nazi salute and pose in front of the Brandenburg Gate. (People apparently do this).



9. Amsterdam A bit like Rome (and Venice for that matter) – Pee in a canal.



10. Copenhagen Put a fake moustache on the Little Mermaid statue.



11. Helsinki Mention how well the Swedish ice hockey team are playing at the moment (and you think the rivalry in rugby between NZ and Australia is fierce!)



12. Tallinn Wear or say anything that might vaguely suggest you are pro-USSR, pro-Russia, pro-Putin etc.



13. Krakow Organise a “Chicken Dance” flash mob at Auschwitz.



14. Istanbul Go to a restaurant and at dessert time, ask for some of that delicious Greek baklava.



15. Athens Ask why so many of the buildings are in such disrepair.



16. Budapest Ask a Hungarian if they are hungry.



All of those should keep us safe from local prisons and ensure black eyes are kept to a minimum. Numbers 1, 3, and 6 sure are tempting though…

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