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Published: December 5th 2005
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Auckland Again
Arriving back in Auckland after spending a few days in the far north. The Sky Tower looks rather pretty when you're not about to jump off it. New Zealand has it all... well nearly. It's got soaring snow-capped mountains, beautiful sandy beaches, green rolling hills, dramatic glaciers, sheep, smoking volcanoes, unique architecture, more sheep, deep fijords and sticky rainforests. And did I mention it has sheep?
It has enough rediculously convolluted methods to scare yourself silly by jumping from high things that you could turn yourself into in incontinent jibbering wreck for life within the space of an innocent week-long vacation. Its like a vast adventure playground for grown-ups.
What it doesnt have is very many people. There are about 4 million Kiwis - almost half the number of people who live in London alone. And there are about 60 million sheep.
When not eating sheep, a popular dish in NZ is something called "fush and chups". When you go to a fush and chup shop and receive your fush and chups, it is polite to thank the server with the phrase "sweet-as, bro", which equates to something like "thank you, my good man".
Anyway after meeting up with old uni mate Rick in Auckland we picked up a great cheap rental car (I wont tell you how we got a cheap deal -
Dolphins in the Bay of Islands
Came across 2 large pods of bottle-nosed dolphins on our day cruise around the Bay of Islands. The first had young in, so no swimming allowed, but we were lucky with the second and once in the very cold water with a mask and snorkel, looked down to see 6 dolphins glide by just a few feet below me. lets just say that Rick's... er... special networking abilities occasionally have their uses) and headed for a little tour of the Northland - the beautiful Bay of Islands, Cape Reinga at the northernmost tip and 90 mile beach. We picked up a couple of German hitch hikers and Rick made lots of sensitive jokes about not mentioning the war.
Then the tour continued the the Coromandel Peninsula to the amazing hot water beach where you if dig a hole in the right place, you intercept a hot spring hot enough to melt the very flesh from your bones. Then we took in the wonderful, if absolutely sickeningly smelly thermal sights around the Rotorua region. Having to breath the volcanic sulphur-laced air on the morning after having far too many beers is not a sensation that I cared for.
After flinging myself from the sky tower in Auckland I thought there would no need for any more silliness. Rick had been making noises about bungy jumps and skydive, but I felt too chicken for the former and had done the latter already. Then we reached Taupo and were offered a deal too good to miss - a combo called
It's a shame about Ray
We went for a jaunt along the 90 Mile Beach in NZ's Northland in our trusty rented car, carrying along two German hitch hikers who found this ray on the beach looking distinctly unwell. Despite it grunting whenever one of us touched it, we decidied the poor blighter needed help and eventually got him into the water deep enough for him to swim and not be washed up. Instead of swimming, he sank, and was promptly attacked by 4 small crabs who clearly had a big appetite. Nature can be cruel sometimes. 4-play (cue the predictably hilarious phone call to the booking office: "I've got two lads here who want to do foreplay with you"... yadda yadda yadda) which involved the dreaded bungy, a jet boat ride that I'd definitely wanted to do, a helicopter ride (long time ambition) AND a skydive. All in the space of about 4 hours. It was quite a ride I can tell you... I will never forget the feeling of plunging towards to earth attached to an inadequate looking rubber cord. My eyes widen and a get a hit of adrenaline just thinking about it.
The next day we spent walking the Tongiraro Crossing - allegedly the finest one day walk in NZ. It was one of a number of breathtaking treks we did, and there are far more that I wanted to do but we didnt have time. I plan to go back and do more - some of the hikes here pack in more scenic diversity into a few days than is possible anywhere else in the world, with the possible exception of South America (I think I'm going to have to go there again too). And the best thing is that unlike,
Waitomo Caves
Waitomo Caves are known for the amazing glow worms that inhabit them. Having traipsed far into the dark, we turned off our headlights and millions of tiny blue-white stars shone out on the rock above us. say, climbing Ben Nevis in Scotland - where you are invariably travelling in a procession of loud sandle-shod German tourists the whole time - there is usually no one else around at all for miles and miles. I love that feeling of remoteness. Often I would let Rick charge off in front (he's a definite completer-finisher to my monitor-evaluator if you know what I mean (if you dont, google "Belbin")) and totally emerse myself in the desolate but beautiful landscapes.
We stopped for a couple of nights in Wellington. The highlight was an amazing new museum called Te Papa - which means something along the lines of 'The Conservation' in Maori language. Other than that, Wellington was pretty small and quiet as were all of the cities in NZ. As had become our custom, Rick and I scoured the streets for some 'craic' and were surprised to actually find some. In an unforeseen and bizarre twist I ended up singing 'Sweet Child O' Mine' on kareoke in one of those... er... alternative types of bars of the kind that Rick likes to frequent. Another new experience for the diary.
Everyone reckons the South Island surpasses the North for
Oh deary me
I'm trying my hardest to smile for the camera but the commands are being overridden by the part of my brain which disapproves of jumping off of high things and all I can manage is a strange grimace. scenery, and whilst it is probably true, I wouldnt have missed the north for anything. It was worth it for the volcanic wonders alone - sitting on top of a volcano and eating my sandwiches with a disconcertingly warm bum and smoke rising from pores in the rock all around me was really quite surreal.
In the south, we spent a few days in the Abel Tasman National Park, trekking and sea kayaking (I'd like to tell you how good it was, but this constant praise is getting a bit tedious). We spent Guy Fawkes night at a firework display near Nelson. The display was so so, but I found it really interesting that they Kiwis celebrate Guy Fawkes night when I had always considered it to be an inherently British thing - English even... Mr. Cook hadnt even 'discovered' New Zealand in those days.
Continuing down the west coast and around the southlands we ice-climbed on a glacier, took on the 3D maze at Wanaka, cruised Milford Sound, sheered some sheep and walked the famous Kepler Track.
We finished up in Christchurch where we met with my old work pal Martin. He has recently come to
live here and now has nothing to moan about, which is most unlike him I can tell you. And I can see why he's contented: its a nice city in a beautiful country; a country that is politically small and remote enough that the middle east and all of the other troubles of the modern world seem far far away. Its a country where people can still afford to buy houses, the roads are not choked with traffic and the media occasionally prints positive things about the country instead of the cynical, manipulative, life-sucking excuse for news we have bringing us all down at home. Better still, the government is down to earth enough here to legalise prostitution and ban smoking in all public places, and other such no-brainer policies.
So do I want to emigrate and live in this perfect, pure paradise? If I could transplant my entire family and some selected friends, then maybe. But then the chaos and corruption of the world back home has a certain seductive vibrance (that 'craic' word that I like comes to mind again...) that is lacking a bit here, and I think I would miss that.
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A-hole
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loser
Shut up! you only put that you ate guinea pigs just to piss me off, I know you didn't! I want to go sky diving woooo! sounds freakin amazing. Talked to Lynz online this morning and she was having contractions, but they were an hour apart at that point. E-mail her and wish her luck!!!! I am so nervous. I miss you and it was good chatting for TWO hours yesterday!!!! COme home soon so I have someone to take the piss out of. I miss having that sadistic pleasure of making you feel like shit! Love you Ash xxxx aka WHATEVER