Kia Ora to New Zealands South Island

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As the plane started its decent the Southern Alps were set below in their snow topped majesty. It really is a beautiful sight as you come in to land and I have to say after the longest 3 hours flight of my life. I was happy to be back on terra firma. I’m not saying it was a horrible trip, though the movie (16 Blocks) was a bit suspect - it just seemed to take a lot longer than 3 hours.

We got off the plane and headed through Arrivals. I’m sure whether New Zealand is short of people but I have to say it is the only country in the world I have been to that has a big poster in Arrivals encouraging people to look into the possibility of residency! Hang on, let us get through the door. We took a speedy shuttle bus into town and our accommodation, marvelled at the mountains from our 21st floor room and then spent the evening looking for somewhere to eat. Everything in Christchurch seemed shut but I guess it was Sunday!

The next morning we headed for the tourist info and checked out our options for seeing the South Island. None of the tours did exactly what we wanted to do so we compromised and messed about with some schedules until we found what suited best. We booked on to the Magic Bus. Now I’m always a bit wary of these tour buses, but as it was winter they had knocked quite a bit off their prices so were genuinely the cheapest way to go. They were also quite flexible with what we wanted to do though the guy in the tourist info we were trying to book through seemed hell bent on making things even more complicated. He seemed to have a very good idea what we should be doing and wasn’t going to let our plans ruin it. He seemed especially keen that we didn’t spend any time in Nelson - not that it was a place we wanted to particularly go but it was on virtually every itinerary. Still after much arm twisting we managed to get what we wanted and headed out to see Christchurch. Our first stop was the Cathedral itself. Christchurch the city is named after the college in Oxford - it was an attempt to export what it is to be English to the other side of the world. And I have to say I have never been anywhere that feels so like England - except of course that despite it being cold it wasn’t raining. They cling to their English roots here and there are many reminders about the old country. The Cathedral is an impressive building though not very big as cathedrals go. We ventured inside and saw there was a fee to go up the tower, one for a guide book, one for taking pictures, one for walking in certain parts of the cathedral - basically there is a fee for everything. Goodness knows how much it would cost to sneeze there. We were immediately cornered by one of the many volunteers that roam and were asked if we intended taking pictures. Before I could answer he handed me photo licence. “No charge” he said, “we just ask you make a contribution to the upkeep before you leave.” Right no charge hey. The fee for going up the tower wasn’t much so we headed up there to see the rest of the city. Christchurch isn’t very high rise (well it is an English city and only poor people live in high rise in England) but neither is the Cathedral so I have to say the view isn’t that inspiring. The mountainous backdrop was there of course but not as impressive as from our hotel.

We spent the rest of the day wandering around the city, looking at the statues in the parks and wandering along the river Avon - never miss a chance to point towards England.

The next day was the start of our tour and the first stop was Kaikoura. This small town on the east coast is the centre of the whale watching - mostly spotting Sperm Whales that stay in the bay. We caught a boat out ran by the local Maori tribe to bring much needed employment to the area. We were greeted with the traditional Maori greeting “Kia Ora” (and you just thought it was too orangey for crows). The boat was fast and the commentary excellent with computer graphics demonstrating the various marine life we might see and their relations to one another. It was not long before the cry went up that a whale had been spotted. We drew up closer and saw the huge creature sitting on the surface taking in a few breaths of air through his blow hole. It was a magnificent sight made all the better when he finally dived (heads up given by our helpful crew “Hey guys here comes the money shot!” and his mighty tail came up and out of the water before plunging into the depths. The commentary continued until another was spotted and we were treated to the sight of another whale taking some air in. On most tours apparently two sightings are about as much as you can expect but it wasn’t long until we came across another one. The captain was using some sort of weird looking listening device, though the woman commentating insisted that he was actually listening for silence - eh! Whilst we were waiting for another whale we saw lots of other sea life and birds including a couple of albatross which were huge in themselves. Finally we saw a fourth whale though we were told it was actually the same whale from earlier and that he was particularly interested in humans for some reason. We managed a few more photos before he was off and it was time for us to head home. Not too soon for our resident sailor Lins who was feeling a little worse for wear again.

Day two of the tour and our first break from the official schedule. Whilst the Magic Bus went up to Picton to take people to the ferry for the North Island we stopped in Blenheim, the heart of New Zealand wine country. We had picked up a couple of free tickets for a tour of the Montana winery which we couldn’t resist. It actually took us a couple of goes to find lodgings in Blenheim as they all seemed full but we eventually found some and then looked at how we could get to the Montana Winery. “You could hire some bikes” our host suggested. Excellent idea, so it wasn’t long before we were riding along the roads of New Zealand. It is ages since I have ridden a bike but you don’t forget - it’s like riding.. erm yes, anyway we got there no trouble. The tour was excellent and we went right into the production areas - no worries about health and safety here. It is a major commercial winery owned by a major global brand which disappointed our fellow tourees a little as they clearly liked to think of their wine being made in little casks by a family that have lived there for generations. After the tour there was the obligatory tastings though they did say we would be able to try just four wines. That kind of got a bit messy when someone pointed out they were allergic to red wine so were given another white instead - that we all tried and then another and a couple of others as well. By the end of it the bikes looked a bit more of a challenge then they did earlier but hey we were a lot more game now. What can I say we got home and even managed to stop in on the supermarket on the way.

Back at the hostel - just as our host had assured us the rest of the guests were back from work. They all clearly worked in the vineyards, hand pruning the vines at this time of year. They were busily comparing notes of how many rows of vines they had completed that day. The average seemed to be about one and a bit. I have never seen such a bunch of thoroughly miserable looking people in all my life. But then if I had spent the day in the freezing cold pruning bushes and had only managed to walk from one end of the field to the other, instead of being in the winery trying all the wine, I think I would be miserable too.

The next day we were back on the Magic Bus and after a quick trip to Picton to pick people up we were on our way to Nelson. This driver gave a similar commentary as the guy the day before and the trip passed well enough. We eventually made it to Nelson and as our guy in the info centre had told us there wasn’t much to see. I can tell you that the geographic centre of New Zealand is just outside Nelson and that it used to be New Zealand’s biggest city and was its first, though in reality it isn’t actually big enough to qualify as a city. Apparently the paperwork for Nelson to be granted status as a township was sent to the Queen in England, and somehow or other when it came back had mysteriously been upgraded to city. The best story though was that of the tower on the town hall. The Nelson City Council had decreed that no building in Nelson should be built above a certain height - well this is Little England and you would only get poor people moving in. They then commissioned a new town hall and the design called for a tower higher than the official maximum but they are the council so they could ignore their own rules right. Well no, that’s just not cricket is it, so the residents took out an injunction against the council for breaking their own rules and insisted that the clock tower be shortened. As construction had already started all the council could do was stop building when they reached the prescribed maximum and now the clock sits on a strange half tower - looking a bit unfinished. A thoroughly English story I think. The hostel we stayed at was also a bit strange. It seemed normal enough but then we noticed the little rat runs and ladders running up the walls. There were little cubby holes to chill out in and watch TV though you couldn’t change the channel. In the living room the ceiling seemed a bit low and there was a ladder running up through a trap door. Upstairs was the internet room that had a clearance of about 4 feet so you had to crawl everywhere. You did end up feeling like you were staying in a hamster cage.

Day four and we were on our way down the west coast. We had caught up with our original Magic Bus so had the same bus driver from day one. This turned out to be a stroke of luck for us though as we had left our umbrella on the bus and the driver had kept it for us. As we headed down the West Coast we were taken to see some of the beautiful coastal scenery (apparently much nicer that the Great Ocean Road but I think the driver might have been biased) and told stories of the West Coasters who believe themselves to be a race apart. One example of this is their attitude to rules imposed by outsiders - like the government. At the beginning of the 20th century it had been decided by the government that drinking was undesirable in society and though they weren’t going to be puritanical and ban alcohol they instituted licensing laws that required all pubs and bars to be closed by 6pm. The working men can then go home and look after their family like good Christians should. This led to the rise of the practice of the rush - where bars would fill every glass, jar, lid, bucket - pretty much anything that would hold liquid and have them ready on the bar for the working men to run in at 5 when work finished and down as much as possible before the 6pm close down. They could then go home drunk out of their mind and beat their family in a drunken rage against the fact that the pubs were shut. The government soon realised that this wasn’t working and moved the closing time to 9pm which seemed to improve things - except in the West Coast as they had a completely different take on the rules. The rules said that the pubs should be locked and so they were - with everyone in them who could then drink until as late as they liked. The government had managed to institute the lock-in. Occasionally a new policeman would be posted to the West Coast and eager to impress would descend on a pub and arrest everyone in it. Usually after the laughing had died down the new bobby’s inspector would stand up from his pint and tell him to go do some real police work. In exasperation the government sent some licence inspectors to the west coast charged with enforcing the law. Legend has it they were never heard of again and the government decided to leave it alone.

The scenery was excellent and we stopped to see some of the most interesting sights including a ghost tree. We stopped for a while at Punakaiki to see the famous Pancake Rocks formulated by the erosion of soft layers which used to be in between the hard layers that are present today. There were also some good rock formations that looked like people and had inspired Maori myths. I especially liked the man with a fish on his head.

Back on the bus we were on the way to Greymouth or the G-Spot as it is known for its high birth rate. As we arrived the bus driver pointed out that the fact he had made it proves he can find the G-Spot. The girls didn’t look all that impressed. Greymouth is also famous for the Monteith brewery who - guess what - do a brewery tour with tastings - well why not? Before the tour we were given a safety talk - there’s lots of cold things, lots of acid and lots of noxious gases so don’t touch anything you aren’t handed. Anyway safety bit over - on with the tour! The tour starts from first principles with everyone trying the raw ingredients, malt barley (toasted to different levels) and hops. The woman warned us not to try the hops as they were really very bitter but hey, what was the point in coming all this way and not trying every new experience? Well if you get the chance I’d pass it up. At first they don’t taste of much but as they get to the back of your throat the bitterness is really powerful and I had to queue up with the other experimenters (read idiots) to wash my mouth out. We then went into the brewing area and saw the different stages of production. The beer is brewed in open-top containers and we were taken up to see inside. It is unbelievable that it is not a restricted area - even if you accidentally dropped something in then the whole batch is ruined, not to mention the risk of sabotage. But still we were taken to see it anyway - their rules I guess. We then saw the bottling plant and moved swiftly on to the tastings. It was really good to get to try the whole range - despite all mine having a distinct hoppy overture. We both liked the Monteiths Golden the best. After we had tried them all we were allowed to pull our own as many as we liked. Well I wasn’t driving and it turns out that you never forget how to pull a pint - or drink them. After the tour we were ferried back to one of the local pubs for an eat as much as you like BBQ and super pints of Monteiths. Basically for being on the tour you are given an oversized glass but only pay for a pint. We were challenged to go for the record number of sausages eaten by a single person set by a member of the Barmy Army during the rugby cup tour of 36 sausages but I thought better of it. It would have meant less beer!

We went back to our hostel, Neptune’s which in this case was a sea themed hostel with cuddly soft toys on the bed and sea themed duvets. It also had a bath with free bubble bath which Lins had to take advantage of. The final oddity of the place was that they handed out hot water bottles to everyone. I don’t think I will ever get over this but despite New Zealand being colder than the UK in winter, central heating is not standard. In fact in all the hostels we stayed in none had central heating - though they usually had an oil heater in the room, on a timer so you woke in the middle of the night freezing your butt off. So once again Lins was over the moon to get a hot water bottle as well as the standard heater.

The next day we left the Magic Bus and headed on our own further down the coast to Fox Glacier. We woke early as the Atomic bus was picking us up from in town rather than at the hostel. We had noticed that an Atomic bus was parked outside the hostel but they had not offered to pick us up there so assumed it must be going somewhere else. As we started to drag our bags across the drive our host stopped us and asked where we were going. “To catch the Atomic Bus from the I-site” I said. “Why?” she said, “It’s parked right here” which was seemingly self evident. She went into the office and grabbed the pick up schedule. “I’ll write it on in pen. You go back in the warm and I’ll grab you when the driver is here.” Excellent. When we hadn’t heard anything by the time our pick up time had arrived we ventured back outside. The driver had turned up and seemed to setting up the bus and luggage trailer. “Could you give me a hand?” she asked. I wandered over and asked what needed doing. “We need to hitch up this trailer to the bus”. Fine, so I helped her pick up the tow bar and started to moving it towards the bus parked in front of it. “Not that one, that one over there.” So we dragged the trailer all the way across the drive to another bus. She started fiddling with the hitching mechanism until it became obvious she hadn’t done it before so I hitched it up for her. “Right we can be off!”

The trip down to Fox was uneventful but the scenery became more and more mountainous and dramatic. We arrived in Fox and checked into our hostel. We asked them about getting to the glacier and Lake Matherson, the two big attractions in the area. They called a man with a little van (which smelled like the inside of an Austin Maxi - Lins) who is known as bit of a local expert who took us the lake first. The walk around the lake is pleasant but the views are amazing. The lake has a type of algae in the water that makes it especially reflective. The mountains, including New Zealand’s biggest - Mount Cook - are perfectly reflected in the perfectly still water. Well at least they would have been if there wasn’t two amorous ducks on the pond insisting on making ripples on the water along with their duck loving. We waited with a couple of other tourists for them to stop to get a good picture. Eventually we were the only ones left and I was determined to get a good picture. Suddenly a couple of stones went crashing towards the ducks and they were gone - can’t imagine where they came from. With all our pictures taken we headed back to the lake café for some lunch to hide from the duck protection police and waited for our man with a van to pick us up. He then took us up to the glacier terminal itself. Fox Glacier is one of the few glaciers that is advancing rather than retreating. Our man with the van (sorry I have forgotten his name) told us how much it has advanced and retreated over the years and how the locals are amazed how quickly it is moving recently. Well quickly for a glacier anyway. We walked up to the glacier head and watched the amazing blue ice as it - well sat there. It is apparently moving at 100’s of meters a year, which is really fast but it is hard to imagine it while you stand there. It is also really cold there and eventually we realised we really wanted to get warm. We walked back but unfortunately our man was late so we were really cold by the time he got to us. We went back to our hostel and warmed up. Later on we decided that since there were no supermarkets in Fox we should treat ourselves to dinner out. It was 8pm and knowing how restaurants tend to be closed by ten we got going. It turns out that restaurants in Fox Glacier close at 8pm in the winter and we couldn’t find anywhere that would feed us. I really can’t believe it as they don’t actually open until 6:30pm so only serve for an hour and a half! We went home hungry and waited until breakfast the next day.

We awoke early again to catch a bus back up the coast to another glacier, Franz Joseph. It had started to rain so we ran to the bus and prayed that the weather would lift. By the time we got to Franz Joseph it was worse. Since it was only 8am we couldn’t check-in to our hostel but we dumped our bags and went hunting for breakfast. None of the café’s were open yet which seemed odd since most people were already heading to the glacier. It turns out that at the only café that opens in the mornings there was an electrical fault and none of the cookers would work. We sheltered out of the rain and considered our options. As we did the café opened and said they could fry eggs and bacon but they couldn’t do sausages because the deep fat fryer still wouldn’t work. I still don’t follow that logic but we went for bacon and eggs and then went back to the hostel to wait for the rain to clear. We checked in at about 10 as the owners had worked double quick so we could get going. It was still raining - in fact it was so bad you couldn’t even seen the end of the drive from the hostel never mind the mountains. We ventured out to go to the supermarket to get some food but it was still too bad to do anything. We mulled around the hostel - played some Monopoly, did some laundry and watched some TV. At about 6pm we gave up any ideas of seeing anything in Franz Joseph when the very wet people who had been booked on a glacier hike and went despite the weather came back. They looked cold, wet and miserable. Almost as if nature was laughing at them the moment they came in the skies cleared and a vibrant rainbow extended across the sky. Unfortunately there was not enough light to do anything so we had an early night so that we could catch our bus back to Greymouth in order to catch our train on the scenic railway back to Christchurch.

We arrived in Greymouth about three hours before our train left. We checked-in and they amazingly checked our bags into a luggage area just like on an aeroplane. We had a last look around Greymouth and then headed to catch our train. The weather was still very overcast though the rain was coming in short showers now. The train showed up and had huge windows in order to give people the maximum view of the mountains. The Tranz Alpine Express is actually one of the top 5 train journeys in the world. We settled down in our seats and heard the guard come on with the usual safety info. He then started to give some history of the train and the journey. It turns out that the guard gives a commentary all along the route pointing out interesting things along the way. They also told us about the camera car in the middle of the train. This was an open air carriage which gave you a an opportunity to get the best photos. I went out there as soon as I could and oh boy was it cold! We were travelling up into the Southern Alps, in winter, travelling at about 100 miles an hour! The wind was just icy but the views were amazing. We wound our way through the west coast hills until we got to Arthur’s Pass - the highest point of the trip. From there on in the weather substantially improved and the pictures became even more amazing. All the time we were getting bits of commentary - mostly a bit tongue in cheek and clearly not read off the card. He pointed out a pipeline and claimed it was a beer line tapped into the homes of Westcoasters to supply their beer needs. He also pointed out the last Austin Motors sales garage in the universe and this time he wasn’t joking as we passed a service station that clearly had a row of Austin’s for sale! But it is the scenery that takes your attention. The mountains are just so majestic against the blue sky and it was a bit disappointing when we finally arrived in Christchurch.

We had one more day before our flight to the North Island so we decided to make up for missing the Antarctic Centre and head up there. The centre itself is fascinating, taking you through the history and politics of the Antarctic region. Around 70% of all flights to Antarctica go from Christchurch - something they are very proud off. As part of our ticket we got an audio tour which was narrated by Sir Edmund Hillary, but no offence to the guy’s achievements but his voice is really irritating and I have to admit to being reminded of Grandpa Simpson rambling on. The two best parts of the show though were the simulated Antarctic storm. They give you a jacket and basically put you in a freezer and simulate the conditions in an arctic storm. That’s cold, if you were wondering! The other highlight is a ride in Hagglund - the vehicles they use in Antarctica. It is like a little tank without the guns. It can go up steep inclines, around steep circles and even floats in water! My favourite Antarctic fact though has to be that the Antarctic is not only the coldest continent but also the driest desert in the world - it is drier that the Sahara!

Next day it was time already to head to the airport for our flight up to Auckland and the North Island.

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Photos

Christchurch Cathedral
A little piece of England

Sperm Whale
There she blows

Montana Winery
Or Brancott if you live in the US. Very good Sav Blanc

Lins on bike
Riding under the influence?

Nelson Town Hall
You will obey your own rules

Rock formations
Can you see the man with a fish on his head?

Rock formations 2
Does this help?

Beer
Hmmm mouldy!

Beer 2
Checking out the barrels

Beer 3
And the final product

Lake Matherson
I have not faked this shot!

Fox Glacier
No polar bears or foxs - tut!

Tranz Scenic 1
The view from the view cold camera platform