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We departed early the next morning from the Poo pub, waving a tearful goodbye to the inspirational 'Uncle Les', and moved off to our next port of call, Franz Josef, to hike a glacier.
We stopped only once along the way to visit one of the bizarrest museums I have ever been to. The elderly museum owner was one of those unique and rare breeds of men, who dedicate their lives to offending as many people as possible. He had taken it to a whole new level by transforming his house into a museum, so as to invite people in, from all walks of life, merely to insult them whilst sporting an indecent pair of hotpants, as if he'd reached a stage whereby he could think of no other insults to make in life, so he thought he'd expose himself on a daily basis too. I wont drag on too long about him, but the basic scenario of events that progressed from our arrival involved him sending a boy in to 'feed' a wild pig, only to see the poor bloke bitten himself (naturally this was dismissed as the boys own fault), and then getting into a fight with
One boy. One pig.
It was bound to end in tears.one of the girls on the bus for ordering, god forbid, a latte.
Anywho, the glacier. Well, the first thing that struck me, as it will you, about the glacier, is that it was somewhat brown. Not icy and white and mystical as one would expect, but we were there to climb it dammit, and thats what we did. Having befriended the lovely Jo, Mary and Becky we cheerily set off, and following the instructions of our amusing guide Ryan, we did pretty well I think. Pretty much everyone fell over at least once, but we were on ice. It became gradually more impressive the higher you climbed as you were walking through walls of blue ice on either side and we felt well accomplished by the time we'd finished. So much so that me, James and Jo saw fit to get under a waterfall. Freezing though. James wants me to tell you he was very hard on the glacier, and barely wore his coat at all. For some reason we all took off our waterproof jackets getting in the waterfall 'so they wouldnt get wet', I still dont see the reasoning, but I followed the crowd.
That
night we met up with our guide, Ryan, and went out for a few drinks. In fact James got himself into a pole dancing competition with Ryan. It was incredibly stylish I can assure you, and me, Jen and Mary snook home early to fill James' bed with balloons to confuse him when he came in drunk, it being his birthday the following day. I woke up to see him cleverly picking all the balloons out of his bed, and was initially impressed by his sobriety, until he tried to get into bed and stepped on one anyway. My apologies to the two Dutch girls in our room, who woke up to a loud bang and sharp cursing. Now, our bus was due to leave at something like 7.30 the next morning, and neither of us had an alarm on us, so we somehow woke at 7.20 and managed to pack our entire belongings and dress ourselves in ten minutes, only for the bus to be delayed another 40 minutes. Twas a bit of a panic. James was swept off to go throw himself out of a plane over Fox glacier - nice way to start a birthday, so I
shall pass you onto the boy...
What can i say if you have a birthday coming up and want something interesting to do, jump out of a plane, its awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. I really cant explain it better but I'll try. So we arrived at fox glazier, at a hut with a plane next to it. There were four of us jumping; me, Rob, Angela and Becky. So off Becky and Rob went and me and angela sat at the bottom, waiting and waiting. It was good as it gave my head a wee bit of time to recover. Anyway, i was acting cool even though i didnt feel it because angela was terrified. Still back the others came full of it and me and Angela were shoved in our jump suits. At this point I became worried as, after being strapped into one harness, the boss came over and asked me to put another one on cause he wanted to test it as it was new. Gulp. Still we were bundelled in the plane and Trev, my instructor, told me not to worry as it was actually his birthday too so death would be a really bad
idea. This relaxed me a bit. Anyway, for those of you who have read previous blogs, Trev, like Gus, Claires jump instructor, had eyes as blue as the sky and when you looked into... wait, what am i saying. The views on the way up were spectacular; you had the town of Fox and the Pacific Ocean on one side and Mount Cook on the other, and below there was Fox glacier. Absolutly amazing, I really cant do it justice. Then it was one, two, three, and out we went. 45 seconds of freefall spinning and whirling and a gentle float to the ground later i had completed both the best birthday party I have ever had and the best experience of my life. This left me with only one further goal for the day. Can you guess what it is? I'll give you a clue. Well ill tell you actually, it was beer.
Hey, Claire again. We arrived in Wanaka that night, and went out for James' birthday. I was the last person standing I'll have you know. Turned around and it was just me, our driver Justin, his mate Kane, and the barstaff. So we had some
drinks. It was terrible. Somehow, I cant think how, I managed to miss the bed trying to turn in that night, and landed myself with a massive bruise down my back. But the early mornings are relentless round here, so we were awake bright and early to go to 'Puzzling World' the next day. I wasnt feeling the best ever, but Puzzling World was brilliant fun. It was one of those places where rooms are on slants and there's loads of game type things to trick your eyes/mind. I was in one of those states whereby I left just plain confused.
On we drove to Queenstown. Lots of pretty scenery and windy roads (James is informing me of this, I was passed out across two seats, oblivious to the world), and we stopped to let some people bungy. By the time we arrived at the hostel I was a mess and just hid in bed downing paracetamols. Everyone else was somewhat better off and went out for the night. I'll let James talk...
Well actually before we went out for the night myself and a few chums went up in the gondalas in queenstown to get a nice
panoramic view and it was nice. They all then did a bungy put i was in mental preparation for the night to come ohm. So anyway off we went out into Queenstown and low and behold who should turn up Ryan our Glazier guide who had such a good time drinking with us in Franz he came down to continue the fun. Anyway for some reason i was made unofficial leader of the group and reveled in my power afetr several drinks in altitude as well as pool and a kiwi bus dance which i organised i eventually managed to get everyone moving to the world bar where we drank tea. Well teapots full of cocktails having sunk many and on top of this several jaegar bombs i proceeded to my usual insane self and went on a rampage of asking everyone to marry me as well as dancing like an idiot and forcing people to stayout and drink more all the time still trying to fix people up and shouting 'do it now!'. Still i belive by the end of the night i was still very much loved by most if not all. Indeed some of the people i
asked to marry me were quite upset when they found out id asked several others as well. Anything further i rember saying to people is proberbly too graphic for this blog but if you ask privatly i may tell you. Anyway world bar closed and away everyone went home except me and Jen. We decided it was a good idea to go to tardis with Kane and Justin our driver. All i remember of this was there was some awsome music from this point on claire is better off explaining what happened to me.
Well, despite the lovely boys in our room trying their best, initially, not to wake me, they... did, and I was wide awake for James' amusing but unfortunate return. He came in quietly enough, then ran for the toilet where he was sick for a while. Some ten minutes later, my mind returned to James, and I couldnt help but wonder why he'd been quite so quiet for so long, so I gradually urged myself from the warmth of my bed to check on him, only to reach the locked bathroom door to hear a calm quiet snoring from inside. I banged. And shouted. And
woke up the other James in our room to ask him what to do, for if James fell off the toilet and cracked his head open, and I'd had the chance to save him, but didnt, his mother would not be best pleased with me. The other James proved little help to my plight, and told me he'd be okay, and with little else to do, I just left him there, but by the time I woke up in the morning he was back in bed claiming he'd never even been in the toilet. He has gradually come to accept that he did fall asleep on the floor. The next day James set off bizarrely early to find a minibus for me him and 6 others to go to Milford Sound for the day. I was impressed. But didnt really move much myself for a while.
I went out that night to try make up for my lack of appearance the night before, James, understandably headed home early, and I made it as far as Subway with two of the guys from our room. We should talk more about them. Between me, James and the three other boys, Tom,
This season's Dodds
He looks like Dodds, but gingerer, and he may well be stalking us... Tom and James, we formed Team Tank. And we spent the next few days in the pleasure of their company, drinking and collecting numerous hats.
The following day we drove to Milford Sound. It was quite the road trip, setting off at 6.30, we eventually made it there, took some pictures of the landscape, met up with our coach driver who'd brought some folk down himself that day, played on swing bridges, went for a waterfall walk and had a little picnic out there. James nearly crashed us, forgetting that to drive, he would require the engine to be turned on (its been a while since he last drove and apparently it was an automatic). It was a very pleasant day indeed. And then, back in Queenstown, we finished it in style with teapot carnage at the world bar. You'll see the picture explains better than I can. james wants to explain '42's' to you ...
Feeling re-energised i was all up for another big night out especially as some of our bus friends were leaving the next day, so on the spur of the moment i created a new drinking games called 42's. You play like this:
in turns yoou decide if you want people to drink with hands or no hands, and then whether to drink on 1, 2, 3 or 47. Very simple but hilarious if someone playing, in this case Steve from Ireland, cant do shots without using his hands and nearly choked to death on his shot glass everytime. Theres nothing like dodging shot glasses and cocktail whilst trying to play a harmless game such as 42's.
The following day was Canyon Swing day for me and The Nevis bungy for James. A Canyon Swing involves jumping off a ledge in as inventive way as possible, free-falling for 60 metres and then the rope catches and you swing across the canyon. Its scary biscuits when you're at the top, but as long as you jump quickly everythings okay. For my first jump, I rather uninventively went 'forwards', but for the second I did 'flips' - self explanatory, you jump, you flip and see how it goes. I very much doubt mine was graceful but it was really good fun, and the canyon was really pretty at the bottom, with a bright blue river running through it. A very good day indeed/ And
Look. He can fly
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No its a dwarf. I would also like to give praise to a lovely girl called Mary in the picture there. That girl is fearless. She went off first time strapped to a chair. Here's James.
Well as those of you who have read the previous blogs will know, this was my second bungy jump yet my previous experience would count for nothing. Off me and Happy (Tom from Team Tank) went feeling brave. 45 minutes later we arrived and I was feeling apprehensive. Once again as i put my harness on the instructor said that will do, then another made me change it to try out a new one. So off we went to the suspended cable car in the middle of the gorge, in a wire cage which allowed you to see how far you were about to drop. At this point someone else jumped and as they reached the bottom let out an ear wrenching shriek of terror. Now i was a little worried. Slowly one by one those before me jumped then Happy went but came back alive luckily, then it was my turn. Bold as brass i got up to the edge and yelled "No fear, only beer"
and leapt. I wish. In fact I freaked out and had to be convinced to the edge by the jumping man guy. After a minute or two of convincing me i wouldnt die, I leapt. All i can say is wow what a rush, 134 meters of freefall followed by a bounce. First you feel sheer terror, then elation and as you fall the second time you take in the scenery and my god was it beautiful, especially so as I realised I was still alive. Unfortunately unlike everyone else my tag, which you pull to become the upright again, got stuck and I was pulled back up feet first, hoisted up like a flopping fish, a cool looking flopping fish, but a fish nonetheless. As i reached the top i was received with an abundance of cheers or ringing in my ears, Im unsure which. Still it was an experience, anyone who comes to New Zealand should force themselves to do it. Im shutting up now cause i havent got anything else to say, here's claire again.
Well the remaining nights with Team Tank were much the same, plenty of drinking and lots of fun. We all went
Road trip
Mary, Rob, Jen, Me, Sophie off to see Spiderman 3 together. Bit of a let down, it was pretty unrealistic and badly scripted, you end up hating Spiderman for being such a wet blanket, and empathising with the villains trying to kill him, which surely isnt the aim of the film. I think by the time Team Tank left Queenstown, we'd both got a bit of a crush on each of them. James has declared he loves Happy. As do I. Im in love with them all. After there departure, we went out for our other friends leaving night, I met a very hairy man. You'll see him. Our eyes met in a bar, me wearing my silly hat, him being obviously a bit of a character. He smirked to himself in a 'pah, she thinks she's crazy' kind of way, and I raised my eyebrow cockily as if to answer- 'I'm going to be the next you, standing in a bar, with people thinking 'she's crazy' just from one look.' The night started with me saying to James 'I've never tried a jaegerbomb before, and ended with me and James with glowsticks sticking out of our nostrils and ears, wildly dancing the night away.
Good times though. Good times. After all our friends had eventually left us, we've spent the remaining days wandering around lakes and gardens and such. We've made it to Christchurch, but we're not allowed out cos we spent way too much in the days of Team Tank, so we're living like paupers til the day we leave for Australia, in search of the perfect Camper Van. Ta ta from New Zealand. xxx
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