New Zealand Part 27 - Christchurch

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Bye bye Elton, bye bye New Zealand 😞

(Warning long entry)

Now we didn’t do too much in Christchurch for a couple of reasons: 1) we were busy trying to sell Elton, 2) we weren’t convinced with the “tourist” must do’s we’d read about after being roped in by them before and 3) what little we did see only involved eating or drinking. So our first stop in Christchurch was the camp site I had chosen in New Brighton, close to where our friends Lindsay and Neil had lived. The first thing we noted on our drive through Christchurch was how big it was. It felt like we drove for ages to get from one side of the city to the other. I’m not sure if it was bigger than Auckland but we certainly preferred it already. I think we were so tired and over exposed to beautiful scenery and tiny towns it was nice to see something large and busy (and a McDonalds).

The camp site was nice enough and situated on a sandy peninsula (not that we ever saw the beach for the time we were there), and it was even quite sunny when we arrived. The couple that owned the place were from Kent or Essex from the accent and spent most of their time it would seem in their pj’s as every time I went to ask something that’s what they were in!! Anyway after sorting out our sunny spot we headed to the home of Pat and Pete to show them Elton in more detail. We were starting to get excited as Nath was positive they were really interested and for now seemed to be the only people willing to pay what we wanted. We met their son whose name we forget so we will call him Bob. Bob was a bit more of a “lad” and talked the talk, but I guess I’d want to check out something for my parents too if they were old and vulnerable. I mean with Nath and I looking like proper travellers now, with the dirty clothes, greasy hair and our sweet aroma I’m not surprised he was there to check on us!!

Whilst the lads looked over the van I sat with Pat and had a cuppa, inhaled a good few years worth of secondary smoke and chatted about their retirement and our adventures in Elton. I made sure I was very careful about what I said, not that Elton isn’t a bargain and a great van but I didn’t want to blow it so close to us needing to leave the country. The boys were back quite quickly and the son was impressed, he just wanted his mate a mechanic to look over our boy the next morning (wow these guys are being thorough) so we agreed to meet them in the morning before we headed off for our dolphin swim at Akaroa. But it would seem they were really keen still and as long as this “friend” didn’t say there were other issues then we should be looking at Elton’s new owners - how sad.

So bright and early the next morning we headed to the garage with Bob for Elton’s physical. It was a lovely sunny day and whilst Nath made sure they weren’t doing anything dodgy I rang my friend Lindsay in the UK to find out how they sorted their money when they lived here, as up until this point we hadn’t even given it a thought!! Needless to say she was a little surprised to hear from me just before her bed time but it was great catching up and knowing that we would know what the other was on about, now Nath and I felt like we’d seen New Zealand inside out. The scary thing was when I mentioned what road we were on, Lindsay asked if I was opposite the big yellow building, and I was!!! What a memory (spookily good!). After our chat Nath informed me that Bob and his mate had taken Elton for a “quick run about” to just check how he ran. For god’s sake we were running out of time to get to our swim with the dolphins we had booked and they had said it should only be 20 mins this was now over and hour. Anyway we put our faith in them and that Elton would do us proud (secretly hoping his little issue back in Ashburton wouldn’t come back as it was a hot day, but not daring to say it to each other so as not to tempt fate). They took a long time and Nath was joking about how they were probably parked up sniffing my underwear and licking the spoons or something in the back of the van!!! Eventually they returned all of our earthly possessions (we’re getting so laid back with letting people just drive off with our stuff) and expecting Bob to then hand us a deposit so we could take Elton off the auction site, but no…he just said all was fine so he would keep an eye on the bidding and if he won he’d be in touch…what the f**k!!! after all that he wasn’t even gonna give us a yes!!! We would now have to wait for the auction to finish and hope that if they didn’t bid and they were blowing smoke up our arse that we would still have time to sell Elton at the backpacker market!! So now running late and without a buyer still we stormed off to Akaroa for our swim with the dolphins, at least they wouldn’t screw us over!!

Just before we drove off we stopped briefly for another lady to look at Elton, again an older lady who wanted a van for the weekends and an ex pat. She loved Elton too but again would be using the auction site which ended that day so nervous and excited we drove to Akaroa. We knew it was about 90km but figured we had plenty of time; however we didn’t realise that the drive was all up and down hill. Poor Elton did his best but we were definitely going to be late now. It was however a really nice drive through more countryside that looked like home but again better weather. Pete and his son had said the weather was due to change today with a big storm coming but, we didn’t see how this lovely sunny day was suddenly going to turn. We got to Akaroa about 10 mins late and I, as always, was starting to get stressed, especially when once in town we didn’t know where to go or where to park. As we were figuring this out the company called to make sure we were coming, which just added fuel to my already raging fire, so whilst Nath tried to find somewhere to park I ran for as long as I could to book us in. But without the tickets money or swimming gear I could neither settle our account nor get ready - doh!!!

After a lot of huffing and puffing on my part we were dressed in our wet suits and on the boat. We had been told the waters were crystal blue and yes they were nice but we had seen nicer. We also know the trip to Kaikoura to swim with dolphins was a better one, but it was miles away, more expensive but mainly I didn’t want to go back to that grey hole of a place. Anyway back on the boat it was a nice ride out and I didn’t feel sick at all which was great, considering the waves were quite large when we got out of the bay. We found the dolphins really quickly which was quiet surprising as the guys on board had said that they couldn’t guarantee it. So that was it we stopped in the middle of the ocean waves and were told to get into the water and just wait for them to come over. Everyone was a little nervous to be first in so I made sure I took the plunge first so that I didn’t wimp out form seeing their faces when they hit the freezing water……but they were right it was bloody freezing but I was in now so did my best to keep afloat amongst the huge waves. Nath was still trying to take some photos but the large swell meant it was… there she is…..there she is……there she is.

Within a few moments the skipper started giving directions as to where the dolphins were around us, which was hard to follow as I was busy trying to keep my head above the waves rather than understand his international arm waving directions. I was a little nervous about just floating around in the open ocean but figured if David Attenborough had taught me anything it was that if you are floating in the sea looking like a seal lunch for a hungry shark, keep to the middle of the group so the shark picks off the weaker edge floating seals!! Eventually Nath joined us in the water with his foam noodle to help him float and we all bobbed about in the water shrieking down our snorkel masks and splashing around a bit to make ourselves look more interesting to the dolphins (more interesting to the sharks I say!!). It was really weird to be so far out at sea and watch the cliffs disappear from sight as a huge wave comes towards you. Anyway back to the dolphins…..they did pass us quite a few times, about 7 of them in total, although the same 3 could have been doing laps without us knowing. They were tiny black and white dolphins, like dolphins crossed with penguin, but they must have been homosexual ones as they spent more time whizzing round the men in our group than anyone else (which I was most peeved about as I was doing my best dolphin impression down my snorkel tube and clicking the rocks together that they gave us). The rock clicking seemed to work when Nath was using them!!

After about an hour in the water I was beginning to feel a bit tired so got back in the boat and shortly afterwards everyone else came back too. The ride back was less than fun though as I started to feel very sea sick and rather than just dealing with it like I had done before at kaikoura when we went whale watching, I started to hyperventilate like I did when I was up in the small plane over mount cook!! So feeling sick and dizzy was a really bad combination!! It wasn’t long however before we got back to the port and I could start to feel better again and funnily enough ready to eat pretty much straight away!!

The port area or town of Akaroa was an old French settlement so all the roads were “rue’s” and there was a French flag flying but other than that there were no onions or excessive body hair to be seen! (Nath said the toilets were surprisingly clean as well) It was a pretty little town quite small with only a handful of restaurants and tourist shops and on a bright sunny afternoon it felt like a good idea to stay here and chill for the rest of the day. After searching around for a lovely looking restaurant to fill me with some sugar after my adrenaline rush on the boat, we managed to find one reasonably priced place (god you’d think we were in Paris itself at some of these prices!!) and enjoyed some local fish (Blue cod apparently - didn’t know it came in other colours) and chips whilst looking out into the marina. I still wasn’t convinced that the weather was meant to turn all black and scary like Pete had said, it was a glorious afternoon and if it wasn’t for the thought of Elton’s impending auction deadline making our stomachs turn over we would have happily stayed at a site near by and enjoyed the evening relaxed.

However as much as we wanted to enjoy the evening, we just couldn’t focus on anything else. I mean if we didn’t sell Elton this time, we were really running out of days to even take him to the backpacker market and were beginning to think we would have to resort to our friend’s ideas of sending him back to the north island to await a buyer in the future. Of course worse come to the worse that was a good idea and we didn’t necessarily need the cash back straight away but it would just make everything a little more tense for the next few months. So after managing to find an internet connection we sat with batted (and battered after the fish supper) breath as we hoped for a bidding war between the few people that had seen him recently and loved him (who wouldn’t you’ve seen the photos!! Not bad for a 22 year old). Our stomachs were turning summersaults as we waited to find out if Elton would bring in more than we expected or leave us stranded 6+k down in NZ. We logged on to find the bidding frenzy hadn’t exactly happened, we were only on 5.5k and Pat and Pete hadn’t even put a bid in yet!! Its ok we thought even if the bid didn’t bring in what we wanted we were still sure Pat and Pete would be watching and putting a last minute bid in, (I mean they were so interested and had gone to such effort to get Elton checked over). The time came when the bidding ended and we refreshed the page and held our breath……….nothing!!! No more bids, and the highest bid being less than we were offered the first time we put him up for auction, we were gutted.

That made our decision for us, instead of enjoying a successful sale with a glass of (over priced wine) and enjoying the sunset over Akaroa, we had to drive back to New Brighton, and prepare ourselves for selling him at the market the next day ruining our last few days in Christchurch!! The drive back was a quiet one as Nath and I went over in our own heads how to solve this problem or at least accept the outcome as more positive than it was looking currently. We were worried that Pat’s son had told her if no one else bid the amount we wanted then they should go in with an offer just above the 5.5 as they knew we needed to sell - I mean that’s how we would play it, every man for himself and all that. So we started discussing scenarios where we would stay firm and pretend it didn’t matter that they were offering far less we wouldn’t take less than the 6.5 we had suggested to them before!! Of course all this was pie in the sky considering they hadn’t even called let alone to put an under par offer in.

Suddenly when we thought all was lost our saviours appeared like a bright light to save the day, well not that bright more the dim glow you get from a mobile phone screen!!! A text came trough saying, they were still interested and could we arrange when we would drop Elton off (From Pat of course!!) …..no mention of price though but we were ecstatic. A huge weight was lifted form our shoulders; we could now enjoy the rest of our final days in Christchurch without worrying about selling Elton and how to pass him on to the next owners. Even though our mood had now lifted, it seemed the weather was now in a mood as it went black and very windy on the rest of the way back, just as Pete had suggested! but we didn’t care that we were being blown all over the road, we were in our element celebrating over selling Elton and just hoping that it was on the understanding that the price was still 6.5 not 5.5 as the bidding would have reflected. We needed to text Pat back to confirm but as sods law would have had it, there was no signal on the way back until we literally got to Christchurch. I felt bad as it meant Pat was sat at home wondering if she had got Elton or not but then figured hey they made us drive the longest bloody half hour from Akaroa wondering if they were interested so she could wait a little longer!! It was only then that our joy turned to sorrow as we both realised that in all the pressure and excitement of selling Elton, we would soon have to say goodbye. What a sobering moment for both of us, we had both come to loved this van despite the breaking down etc (which wasn’t really his fault, nasty Merits bastards) we had had the best time and really really didn’t want to sell him after all. Anyway we finally called Pat back and told her the van was theirs and agreed on a price of 6.6, which she was more than happy to pay - phew!!! And so we pulled into the New Brighton camp site we’d been at before to relax in the high winds and rain that had followed us home.

The next day we decided to have a relaxing tour round Christchurch as we had been in the area for a couple of days now and hadn’t actually ventured in yet. It was still rainy and cold from the night before but we figured we’d be indoors most of the time so it wouldn’t matter. We headed in on the local bus and arrived in the town centre a little unsure of what to see. Again with most of the tourist towns there were adverts for all sorts of places to see but they all read similar to many of the other attractions we had already turned down or visited. And having been stung a few times by the false descriptions of places we weren’t sure we were really going to bother. We grabbed a load of leaflets form the tourist info place and took them to MacDonald’s for lunch (yes ok so we hadn’t left the camp site that early and it was now lunch time but hey we were relaxing now after a busy few days.). After looking through them we decided we were right and that there didn’t seem like much to do, not that we wanted to pay for anyway. The weather was also still crap and had now turned from cold to bitterly cold. I mean freezing; maybe we have been away from the UK for too long, or not having a winter for 12 months has left us a little sensitive to the cold, but we wished we had gloves and scarfs on. This together with being cheap arses meant we were really struggling with what to do, so in the end we did what we always do….. A self guided walking tour (free) looked around the cathedral (free) then finished with a warm cuppa!!!! Well aren’t we getting old now, that’s hardly 18-30’s is it!! We then went around nearly every dam currency exchange place trying to get the most for our NZ dollar. This is when we noticed something about men that work in banks - they are tiny!! One guy was chatting with Nath and then went to get him some information and jumped down off his stool and disappeared under the desk. It’s all I could do to not fall of the seat I was on with laughter!!

In fairness, the walk around Christchurch was fun, just like being at home again as with the autumn setting in and Christchurch being very English looking it was like being at home for the autumn we had missed, with leaves turning colour and conkers on the floor - yes conkers!! We walked along the Avon river but decided it was too cold to go for a punt but enjoyed watching the men in their little boater hats and stripy jackets apparently just like we have back in blighty - never seen it myself. By the late afternoon the weather was improving and actually a little sunny so we ventured to the one place I had seen on the tourist map that I wanted to go to - the Xmas shop!! We walked for what seemed like hours to the far side of town only to find the shop was closed. Oh well it was a bit of exercise at least.

We got the bus back to the camp site, after Nath spent some quality time perving at some young girls legs - busted! (they were pretty nice actually) and spent a sad evening preparing our last meal in Elton and packing up our belongings. It’s amazing how much more stuff we seemed to have accumulated after only a few months. We spent the time reminiscing about the fun we had had, the places we’d seen, the animals we’d met, including our unwanted guests (spider and mousey!!) and probably spent far too much time stroking bits of Elton in a loving way! I lay there that night not wanting to sleep not only because I wanted to enjoy the last night in Elton but also because it was bloody freezing again! The next morning was even sadder, we made our goodbye video and went over our decision to sell him convincing ourselves we’d be leaving him with the right people, it was like we were rehoming our favourite pet or something. Before heading to Pats house we dropped our stuff off at our hostel which was a prison (I’ll tell you more about it later). As we arrived at Pats house Elton gave a little rev of the engine on approaching his new bedroom; a nice long drive way for those sunny days and a garage for when the weather turned. I bet he was actually quite glad to get rid of us, as we’d made the poor old guy cover every inch of the country, which I’m sure at his age, he’d seen many times before. We agreed that he was probably glad to go to someone that would look after him as an investment, rather than some skanky travellers that wouldn’t talk to him or care as much as we did……or perhaps he was just a metal van and didn’t give a shit either way!!! Anyway we did the deal said our final goodbye and then Pat gave us a lift back to hostel.

So on our last few days we decided to go into town again and give it another go as the weather was better, and do some of the town walks (yes again they were free!) to see the rest of town. We also had a large amount of money on us to somehow take to Australia so needed to go to the currency exchange to see what dough we would have to take with us. We managed to find a place that offered some debit type card that would allow us to hand over the cash now and then just withdraw cash from any cash point when we wanted it. The bank teller was a slightly odd lady, who even suggested how we could fool the system if we wanted our money back quickly (should have spotted it then really). We were both thinking how great it was that this was all free but also wondering how this sort of scheme made them any money. Hey who were we to argue - turns out we were right, as the teller showed us our final receipt minus the fee for setting up the card (65 dollars) - WHAT!!!!........ We then had a “discussion” about how she never mentioned that, oh I did I always have to say it, well you didn’t tell us, oh maybe you didn’t head me coz I always say it…..WELL YOU BLOODY DIDNT! She didn’t quite follow how we would rather carry the cash with us than lose 65 dollars of it for the pleasure of a little less to carry!! Anyway whinge over………

After spending the rest of the day walking round the city, which was full of loads of interesting info, none of which I can really recall but we have photos luckily. I was getting to the point where I was going to murder someone because I was so bloody hungry. Nath being clever did what he needed for an easy life and found us somewhere to eat very quickly. We found a little Chinese place down a dark alley; with quite a few “locals” in it (can I say that?). Now going on our previous theory of back street restaurants, if they are still going this far away from all the main high street places then they must be good. Our theory was dully rewarded and we had a great meal before heading back to our amazing hostel. Now we figured this was an excellent choice of hostel. Even though it was a little out of town we had never stayed in a prison (well except those months Nath had to do for indecent exposure and assaulting a chicken - he wasn’t doing both at the same time I must point out!) and it was not a gimmick, it was a real life ex prison! Our room was an old cell (as were all the others) the lower floor had tables to eat on just like in Porridge (Fletcher!) and you even had a fake number plate and height board you could have your photo taken up against. We loved every minute of it and it was a welcome distraction from not sleeping in Elton anymore. Unfortunately we had an early start the next day as we were going on the train through the centre of NZ along what’s called Arthur’s Pass.

So next morning far too early we boarded our train to Arthur’s Pass. A tip west from Christchurch through the middle of the south island and the Southern Alps. The train line goes all the way across the island to Greymouth but as we had already been there on our travels down the West coast we were going to stop and get off about two thirds the way across - at Arthur’s Pass village itself. The journey goes through some stunning scenery but after 4 months of stunning scenery we both felt a little unimpressed even though we knew the views were amazing. Because I was not that bothered by the view I spent most of the travel time typing up more blogs whilst Nath went to the viewing carriage in hope of a better view and some good photos. Unfortunately for Nath the train crew had made an announcement about the viewing carriage seconds before he got there so it was a little cramped to say the least! Luckily it had no windows so a lot of people only stayed for a short time before the cold drove them back in side and Nath could get a better view - a rock hard photographer he is becoming now making the sacrifice for that all important shot!!.

When we arrived at the village of Arthur’s Pass we disembarked with dozens of “oldies” (it was like being on a saga holiday) and headed for the tourist information. As we disembarked I was aware of a number of people putting winter clothing on which I thought was a bit weird but the thought passed me by. This same thought then came slamming into my head again with the realisation that once off the heated train it was f-ing freezing!! We hadn’t bothered to bring coats or scarves as it had been lovely and warm in Christchurch yesterday and I think because it was early we hadn’t thought about the fact that Arthur’s pass is about four hours away from Christchurch and a lot higher up. Since realising we had forgotten our warm clothes we decided we would head to the tourist information centre to warm up and get an idea of where we were gonna go. It was a small place and soon became apparent that there wasn’t a great deal to do when you only have sandals and shorts on (stupid people we are!!!). there was however a couple of short easier walks we figured we would do to occupy ourselves for the 4 hours we had to wait until the train made its way back from Greymouth to collect us.

So off we went to view yet another waterfall, this time called the Devils Punchbowl. Really not sure why it was called this, it wasn’t black or bowl shaped or had any fruit in it. It was an ok site I guess, bit of a walk up which if anything helped us feel a bit warmer, for me it mainly made me hungry. So we descended back to the beginning of the walk and started to eat our pack lunch (the one thing we did remember to bring!) of sandwiches and cracker KP dip. I had done really well since leaving the West coast at not being lunch for the sand flies but now they had returned with a vengeance so my sunshine lunch turned into another mad rush to get indoors to finish eating in peace. So “unfortunately” the only place to get away from the flies was in the local pub so “we had to” go in and purchase something at least to be polite and were able to finish our lunch in peace. This pub was called the Wobbly Kea and although it had no wobbly kea pet inside that would sit on your shoulder, eat your leftovers and learn the cute swear words you thought would be funny; the pub over the road did in fact have one. A real life Kea, finally, in all our travels I had finally seen my first cheeky Kea with only hours to go before we left NZ for good. yippy!!.

The funny little well big actually, bird was also uncannily a wobbly one - he only had one foot and a stub on the other side, which made him a little uneven to say the least. (maybe this was the Kia the pub we were in was named after?) Again the tourists were feeding him even though there were signs to say not to!! After taking as long as we could over our drinks before we started to get funny looks we left the pub in search of something else to do in the last hour of our time at Arthur’s Pass (we really should have given more thought to this part of the tour!!). I’d read in my rough guide that the church in town had a surprise inside, so we gingerly open up the door imaging that there would be some nasty surprise or nothing at all (given my book is 7 years old) but in fact when we looked we could see why it had mention. Where you would normally see huge stain glass windows, was actually a clear one with a waterfall flowing behind the church, that you wouldn’t have known was there. So at least the locals had something to look at if they were ever bored in church!!!

With the time dragging a little and our extremities getting cold again, we went back to information centre and watched some video on the making of Arthur’s Pass which had been a treacherous journey to say the least. Finally it was time for our train to arrive and not a moment too soon as I was really cold now and a little bored. I was looking forward to a nice quiet warm journey back of which in the end I only go half as on bored was a large group of rowdy…….old ladies!!! No this time I’m not gonna complain about the youngsters being drunk and stupid, it was a group of purple hair older ladies from the US over excited about making it onto the train without breaking a hip I guess - never mind. It seemed a lot quicker to get back to Christchurch and all I could think about was how much we needed to sort stuff out this evening before leaving the country. We had arranged for a bus to collect us, but struggled to find it when we arrived as there were hundreds of buses it seemed waiting to collect passengers and none of them were labelled. In the end we found our bus and bar him almost forgetting we were in the bus and taking us back to his home, we were back in plenty of time to sort out our stuff.

We’d had this great plan to get everything packed and food made out of our left overs (beef steak, pasta, salad and beans mmmmmmmmmmmmm) and still get to bed early enough to get a good few hours sleep before we had to be up at 2am for our flight to Melbourne. As usual no matter how much we tried we still didn’t get to bed till about 10:30 so what with the nervous sleep you always have before a flight with the worry of “did I set the alarm” even though you checked it 30 seconds ago, we both managed about 4 hours in total. I think we both laid there that night remembering all our millions of memories form our time in New Zealand, and just like we’d been unable to focus on leaving Elton until we actually sold him, we’d also been so busy doing the final visits to places that it hadn’t really occurred to us that we would be leaving NZ for good. What a sad thought, we’d had such fun, some trying times and met some lovely people it had all made the experience amazing. I guess we know that as much as we’d like to return here I don’t think we’ll have either the time or the money now, so it really was goodbye (sob).

As the hour or 4am came round it was sooo hard to get up and so dark that it felt wrong. This did how ever make the flight nice and easy as we both managed to sleep for a short time. We even got served breakfast which we weren’t expecting (we’d already paid for some breakfast in the airport) and I awoke half way through the flight to see the cabin lit with pinky orange light form sunrise. Before we knew it we were already in Melbourne and all I could think about was, I hope there aren’t any spiders in the toilets!!!

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Photos

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Its really hard to photo moving dolphins from a moving boat!!!

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How deep is it here???

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Mandy blowing a kicking tune into the water

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Well if a frog turns into a princess what does a dolphin turn into???

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Yes Naths legs really are that long!

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Invisable dogs prohibited

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Our view from where we had dinner - lush

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Do I have anything in my teeth?

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Random man on jetty

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Bloody freezing day in Christchurch so we hid and had a cuppa

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A proper oak tree just like home!

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Conkers!! Nath missing home

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If I'd been playing we'd have been there till it got dark (even withmy last piece on the board as I never give up!!!)

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Some big old vase thingy

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Turns out the Christmas shop was closed :(

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Oh look we're back home already!!

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I dont want you to go

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Our last night in Elton and it was COLD!!!!

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This is where we end up after selling Elton - gulp

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Jailed for whinging all the time!!