Auckland to Astonishing

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Surely one of the strangest ways to welcome people into the country? After unloading from the 737 at Auckland Airport, the first sign is not for Arrivals or Bagge Reclaim. No, its is a large poster of Richard Hammond selling mobiles phones. This surely has to sum New Zealand up. With a population of only 4 million and a land mass roughly the size of Britain, celebrity takes on a jaunty colloquial next door neighbour quality. It is very likely that if you went to school here, every other NZ personality from the telly or sports field is a friend of a friend or lives just down the road.

It is a country so small that its national news is more akin to Look East than to The News at 10. Certainly it feels more like home than Austalia ever could. Though the volcanic terrain is a far cry from the flat lands of the East of England...It was certainly refreshing to step onto a public bus only to be scowled at by everyone on board and practically mocked by the driver when I asked for a return ticket. "Return? Whats return? You go one way twice and thats it. There is no returning here."

One perk of staying with the natives is the intimate local knowledge like "Dont go down west bunch of westies in the west" and "see that house there, the one next door? Thats where Daniel Vettori lives" and "See those bars there, full of transvestites." It really shouldn't be a surprise that the population is only 4 million if over half the bars are gay bars and transvestite karaoke bars. Still each to their own and Auckland does have good places as well. One Tree Hill, seems to be home to a typical Colonial/Maori culture clash.

On top of this hill, over looking most of Auckland there stands a monument. Next to this monument there used to be a tree. Only it wasn't a native tree and it was planted on top of a hill where a Maori fort used to be. So in true Hone Heke style, some Maori activists took a chainsaw to it and chopped it down. Hone Heke being the most badass Maori War Cheif that the colonials ever came across.

He spent time in london where he was given loads of gifts by the King, on his way back to New Zealand he stopped off in Sydney and sold most of it. Only keeping the 300 muskets and a suit of armour. Now this guy was one of the cheifs who signed the Waitangi Treaty. This document, poorly translated or understood by the Maori, gave the British complete authority over the native population. When Hone Heke worked this out he and his tribe went apeshit. As a sign of their annoyance they chopped down the British Flag on Flagstaff hill overlooking the small town of Russel. The British rebuilt the flag pole and warned Heke not to try any more funny business, so he chopped it down again. Again the British replaced the flagpole and added 20 feet of iron to fortify the pole, they also left a battalion up on the hill in case Heke tried anymore funny stuff. Of course Heke returned and slipped past the guards and set fire to the flag pole, then he and his warriors went down into Russel and set fire to everything there as well.

Hone Heke and his tribes fought the British until they signed a peace treaty in 1846. Even today, disputed land claims are given hearing at the Waitangi Tribunal. But enough history, on with my trip.

The Kiwi Bus took us up to Paihia, stopping off at some kind of honey shop along the way. Paihia is a small town that overlooks the Bay of Islands, just down the road is the Waitangi Treaty House and museum and on hte opposite side of the bay is the even smaller town of Russel, the resting place for Whaling vessels where they could take on supplies alcohol and women. Once described as the Hell hole of the South Pacific it has lost much of its historical charm and character.

As with the rest of New Zealand there are the adrenaline trips intermingled with fishing and walking. For those with the dough, there's a helicopter tour of the islands. For everyone else there's the option of speed boats, sailing boats and kayaks. For the more land lubberish visitor, a nice 6km walk leads to a mediocre waterfall, well worth a visit if only for the exercise. Paihia is a quiet town until about 9 in the evening when the Karaoke starts in the backpackers bar, which is also the locals watering hole as well. At 4 dollars a pint during the 2 hour happy hour its not surprising.

A mention must be made here of the completely bizarre day trip to Cape Reinga, where the Tasman and the Pacific meet. The early morning sees about 6 of us waiting to be picked up by the coach. When it pulls up, we bring the average age down from about 60 to round 30 maybe. One of the first stops is a patch of rainforest where the ancient and mighty Kauri trees grow. Our driver, Murray, helpfully points them out "On the left here is a tree." Truly, they are impressive trees, but they don't really warrant 30 thousand pictures or a 20 minute stop, especially when the sun refuses to show itself and it feels about half a degree above freezing.

Of course the day could only get better, and it did. After sleeping on the coach while Murray talked "On the left here is another tree," we arrived at our breakfast stop, a nice little roadside cafe that sold cheese and steak pies. Truly mana from heaven when you're cold and hungry. Back on the road and back to sleep, it seemed as if only 5 minutes had passed when we pulled up at a harbour for lunch. Seriously it was only about 11 am at this point. Still a meal is a meal. Back on the road Murray gave a us a delightful insight into the state of the roads and we promptly fell asleep again. Again only 5 minutes passed and we got out, now this was much better. A nice coastal path up to a lighthouse. The place where the 2 great bodies of water meet. Couldn't really tell whereabouts they met (I was expecting giant breakers smashing into each other as the 2 seas fought for dominance). Alas it was as calm as the Buddha, though the views were stunning, something one has to get used to in New Zealand is the quantity of stunning views, utilising our 45 minute stop well we took our pictures and walked around and took more pictures.

Back on the bus and back to sleep the coach flew further north to some sand dunes. This is where the fun begins! Sand boarding is just like body boarding in the ocean only with sand instead of surf. Murray found us a nice steep dune with a shallow but sandy river at the bottom for added interest. We started tentatively applying the brakes and filling our underwear with sand before we reached the meandering torrent at the bottom. Now there are 2 ways of boarding onto the water from the dune, on the one side is a nice shallow sand ramp that if hit with enough speed the boarder will aquaplane quite impressively across the water to a well deserved round of applause. The other way is off the half meter edge of the dune into the water where the board stops traveling and I kept going. To everyones delight, my shorts and shirt were not only sodding wet but full of sand as well.

After the entertaining but positively dangerous boarding, Murray drove the coach downstream and out onto 90 mile beach. On he drove and on we slept, stopping once for photos and a good doss about in the sand. Our next stop was a Kauri tree shop. The story goes, ably told by Murray, that while digging out a swamp to make way for houses, they found hundreds of massive Kauri trees perfectly preserved in the ground. Dating back over 45 thousand years and all pointing north, the Kiwis thought it prudent to build a shop dedicated to selling items carved out of this wood. Every thing from chainsaw carved bears to 6 piece dining sets. All made out of this amazing wood. The piece de resistance in the shop was this staircase made from a hollowed out trunk, truly these trees must have been massively ginormous.

All too soon we were at another fish and chip shop and slumbering our way back to Paihia.

A couple of days passed unevenfully while waiting for the bus to take me to Whangarei, the northernmost city apparently. It is in Whangarei that I stayed for 2 nights to go diving out at the Poor Knights Islands.

While Whangarei itself is a bit of a dump, the only attraction is the Zion Lion Park where a keeper lost his life to a lion recently. If, however you head out of Whangarei to a place called Tutukaka one can book oneself on a dive boat to dive one of Jacque Cousteau's top 10 sites. This Frenchman was the grandpere of diving and as such his word is highly regarded. The Poor Knights are either named because as a silhouette they look like a knight whose been buried over ground, which was apparently the way knights with no money were buried. Or because in summer they resemble a delicacy called Poor Knights Pudding, it is said that Captain Cook was munching away on this meal and it occurred to him that the islands with the pink flora and the yellow rock resembled the jam topped piece of stale bread fried in eggs that he was consuming.

Either way, the Islands have been a marine park reserve for around 15 years now and the life under the water is pretty amazing, but it is the natural architecture and lighting that really takes your breath away and under water that can be pretty dangerous. A warm current apparently flows round past the island making it an ideal resting place for all kinds of tropical and sub tropical creatures. Wrasses, rays, sharks cleaning fish, sea weed, kelp, its all here in abundance.

They call it a warm current. Well, my suspicions were raised when our guide started donning a dry suit, complete with hood and gloves. Even the 7mm wetsuits that we were kitted out with weren't enough. At least they weren't enough for me. After the first dive I put a short wetsuit on underneath, which helped a bit, but it was still bloody freezing compared to the waters of the Barrier Reef where I had dived previously. The guys at Dive Tutukaka are amazingly knowledgeable when it comes to the islands and all the creatures of sea, land and air. During the surface interval they took us into the largest cave in the southern hemisphere and around to another cave where gaps in the ceiling cast beams of light down into the water. A stunning effect when the sun is out, we had to take their word for it. The second dive of the day was at the world famous top ten site known as Mao Mao Arch and it is truly astonishing. That is all I can really say about it, go dive it yourself if you don't believe me.

Well that just about wraps up the past 2 weeks of traveling. I'll let you all digest this helping before forcing another one you.

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Photos

Auckland City
Well, a bit of it, on a cloudy day not the mst impressive view. Oh but I've heard its lovely in Summer

The House of the Great Man Himself
Unfortunately he was too busy losing the ICC Twenty20.

Nooo
I know what you're thinking, I'm sorry thats not Hone Heke

FlagStaff Hill
the Birthplace of the Maori Rebellion.

Typical Kiwi Logic
Their naitonal bird is aslo shy and queer.

The Meeting Place
This lighthouse on Cape Reinga marks the meeting point of the Tasman and the Pacific. All rather impressive.

90 Mile Beach
Due to political correctness its now only about 64 miles

And thats another 90 miles
Many of us left feeling about 26 miles shortchanged.

The Poor Knights Island
Can you see the knight lying there all peaceful like?