crazy woman and waitimo caves

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Ilona: we start walking down the boring road again with heavy bags and geeky walkingsticks. even though we discovered that walking is absolutly shit, its still way better then being around unfriendly bitter Bryce.
Richard is the brave one hwo dares holding his thumb up in order to catch a lift, im trying to look cool and not bothered,
car by car is speeding by on the little road, it feels like strolling down the auto bahn. and then it happends. a silver grey ford is stopping, we run towards the car and try to squeeze all gear and sticks and hats in. well in the car there is a brazilian woman closer to her 40, she introduced herself as Roberta and then we heard the tires screaming as she drove off with fresh meat for her web. i felt richards cold hand squeezing mine, i squeezed back!

We just had the time to tell her our names before she shouted out like a tourettes patient - DO YOU WANT TO STAY IN MY HOUSE!!
i silence appeared, we dont know what to say, its so weird, we dont want to be rude, so we say - yes...?
brilliant she says, i am a crazy woman and i do crazy stuff and i am so free and i have travelled everywhere,
- ok we say,
what about you guys, where are you from?
well im from swed..........
Roberta interrupt- I KNOW WHERE THAT IS BECAUSE I HAVE TRAVELLED IM SO WILD I SPEAK ABOUT SEX WITHOUT SHAME I KNOW EVERYTHING BECAUSE IM FROM BRAZIL BLA BLA BLA....
Us- right???!!!

we drive in on a driveway in TE Awamutu, Roberta opens her house and points to a bedroom as she refers to as ours??!! creepy!
then she says she has to go back to work, -see you in a couple of hours, my husband might be back before me, if he does , and if he is angry about you being here, tell him to fuck off, bye bye
We- yes but.. yes but?
and off she was!

i promise that me and Richard didnt even dare speak to eachother, we thought there might be hidden microphones and cameras everywhere, slowly Richard took his secret agent hat on and started raving the medical cabinet for signs of insanity. we sat in silence for a couple of hours waiting for our new master to come home,

she walked in the door and called us, we summoned in the kitchen, she was laughing and talking like she knew us, and then her husband walked in, he looked as uncomfortable as we were!
i think he was an al right guy, just a bit shy and pushed down by powerwoman,
Richard managed to have a good conversation with Calvin, i was stuck with Roberta, she talked about how god has been speaking to her, telling her to be extra kind to backpackers.
its impossible to describe her, she is an notorious liar and needs to be in the spotlight, she even forgot her own lies so she was talking against herself all the time.

we had a bbq that night on their expense, it was nice with some meat after a weeks noodle diet.
they insisted we should stay an extra night, because they would give us a lift the next day to Waitomo caves then pick us up in the afternoon and then drive us to Taumarunui the day after, (were we are gonna kayak), so if we let them help us we would save 100$, so we said ok!

RICHARD>>>>>
the looney dropped us off at the caves, that was after we had our bags taken off us by her and then she gave us a small rucksack just to carry what we needed....our plan was after waitmo caves, to simply dissapear and stay the night at one of the backpackers and get a bus down to taumarnui the next day, this plan was now no good.
Jesus christ what do we have to do to escape this situation? we thought to ourselves. Just as Ilona emptied her bag, a full tub of sun screen fell out and poured all over the brand new dungeon carpet....whoops, if it was anyone else in the world we would have told them, but not this psycho south american........no-way.....

any way we enjoyed the caves and the pictures speak for themselves!!!! well apart from the fact that a Japanese girl almost cracked her skull in two when she jumped into the water from a ledge half arsed, and then forgot to clip in her safety lines 35m above an abseil cave entrance. afterwards we got a 30 minute ride back to the booking centre and ordered some pizza, which in NZ is shite, unless, Jamie and Kerry Young cooks it in the flying bread machine.
Then we realised that Ilona had left her flipping Hiking boots in the van!!! Now here is the dilemma, the guy was out in the van guiding, and did not finish until 7pm, we where getting picked up by the looneys at 5.30pm......
after a lot of running around and a lot of fuel burning by our guides we got the boots back, thank god, Funny thing is Ilona is always on my case for not being tidy or organised enough, "practice what you preach young lady, practice what you preach!"
OK freedom time over and our looney driven chariot awaited us, we got back to the dungoen, but not before she called calvin to make sure he had picked up her prey.
We quickly showered, and we headed out to Hamilton for food, as we where eating they told us they where not dropping us off at our next destination, we where on our own, (this was the whole reason why we had stayed one more night) so we had travelled back up north to go south again!!!
She always had to be centre of attention but she was running out of shocking things to say, and to be honest we have seen it all before. Hamilton was a bustling vibrant place and we regret not spending the night there, it looks like a very good area, but our hostess from hell wanted to leave.
We ordered and ate our tiny sushi, obviously madame "ive done it all" ordered the biggest plate of all.
On the way back she clearly stated that "i am not a racist" then seconds later screamed out of the window "you f##king mauri! get the f#ck out of my way"

The next day we got up early and caught the bus to our next adventure, 5 days kayaking on the whanguni river, our journey south continues!!!!

our next destination was Tauramanui village, to camp for 2 nights and prepare for the kayaking.......

looking back we cannot write enough about how strange this woman was, from now on we will use the busses, it was a funny experience looking back but not at the time, its hard to sleep with one eye open and one hand on a knife under your pillow.....................
backpackers beware when hitching a lift, if this woman stops do not get in her car.........

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Photos

our hostess
she had the biggest plate, still she was cranky that it wasnt enough.

art in the dungeon
i was sure she was going to run into the room with this on and a big knife

hamilton
there must be an escape route around here somewhere

sushi dinner
with the adams family

ha ha,
me and richard shared that plate! STARVING!!

hamilton
we liked hamilton, very charmy city,

moon in hamilton
any minute now the adams family will change into wolves!!

Breakfast before caving
in Waitomo caves

Comments

[mam]

austrialian toilet spider

[Richie Carr]

Loving them wellies Rich... you look phooking mint in them..!! hahaha... but that aside, them caves are stunning...! looks like you are both having a great time now that you escaped the crazy woman in one piece..!!