Noosa

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OK, Noosa isn’t for everyone – but it tries to be. There are luxurious homes, exclusive resorts and expensive restaurants for the rich. And there are backpacker lodges, caravan parks and cheap cafes for the poor. Although to be fair, and to paraphrase Joe Hockey: “The poor don’t go on holiday very much!”



You actually don’t need a lot of money to stay in Noosa and have a pretty good time. Accommodation can be had for under $50 a night and then after that everything of any note is free! The beaches, the National Park, the markets and the weather!!



On the negative side, Noosa has become the Land of the Leafblower. Every morning without fail, from about 7 o’clock, the army of amateur alarm clocks start their intrusive blowing and it seems to go on all day. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a leaf blower operating at some point around here right now.



I also must admit food is expensive here, even in the cheapest supermarket or farmers’ market. But there are plenty of cheap buses to get you around to all these markets and plenty of festivals and events to keep you amused. Last week was the Noosa Food and Wine Festival and tomorrow is the Extreme Sports Carnival.



Since my last visit, Hastings Street seems to have taken on a life of its own. It has turned into a cross between Rodeo Drive and the Champs-Elysees, or at least a poor relation to those two iconic boulevardes. It’s hard to believe that anyone would actually come to Noosa to shop but I suppose if you’re here and you have a few thousand to spare and a few hours in which to spend it, then shopping on Hastings is probably a fairly painless way to part with your cash.



I, on the other hand, am happy just to laze on the beach or wander aimlessly around the National Park spending no money but spending rich and rewarding time in the company of my second favourite lady, Mother Nature!



Or you could go to Scam Central for a rich and rewarding laugh at the wondrous products and services on sale. I am referring, of course, to Eumundi Market! There you can fall under the spell of the lovely Sand (that’s her name) while she massages your feet and using Reflexology, tells you all the things that are wrong with your body and your lifestyle.



Perhaps your energy levels are down and you need energised water to help you through the day. This magic water looks like ordinary water, tastes like ordinary water and feels like ordinary water but if you think it is only ordinary water you are sorely mistaken. This incredible water contains H3O2 instead of just plain old H2O. The guy trying to sell me the water didn’t know how they get the extra oxygen and hydrogen in there but he proudly told me that it is made right there in Eumundi.



Or perhaps your problem is negative energy!! Unbeknown to most of us, our homes can be full of negative energy and there is only one way to get rid of this problem. And that is to light a positive-energy smudge stick and wave it around your house in a kind of modern smoking ceremony. You will be amazed at how the negative energy disappears and you feel refreshed. “Just like getting out of the shower” so the man said.



There may be another way, however, especially if you purchase a dream catcher. This magical device can improve the chi energy in your home. How it does it, though, I have no idea.



Eumundi Market is a National Treasure and a huge tourist attraction. A magnet for the gullible. I can walk round this market all day and peer into the stalls and tents with admiration and intrigue because people actually do buy stuff there, even though you would think that intelligent and rational adults would turn their backs on the shonky and the tat. But, no, they flock there in their thousands and walk away with bags stuffed with trinkets, treasures and toys.



But the real treasure here is the sand, arranged very conveniently into beautiful beaches and coves that seem to fit perfectly between the rocks and headlands which jut out of the forested foreshore. This bountiful sand also attracts waves of all shapes and sizes that magically appear from the surrounding sea and caress it and lick it all over and then retreat as though rejected by the very sand they love. Very sad!



Sometimes, of course, the rocks don’t act correctly and pile up on the sand and dislocate its serenity. But the sand is very patient and doesn’t seem to mind this intrusion. It just sits there waiting for the next ice age – or similar.



The sand also attracts other works of nature that are as beautiful and awesome as the cliffs and boulders scattered all around. These creatures lounge around on some sort of circular material and display to the passing hordes their delicately tanned and taught skin covered barely by a bikini or two. Ah, isn’t nature wonderful!



I feel I should mention the Noosa surf – or lack thereof. In the weeks since I arrived there has hardly been a ripple on the surface of the ocean. No board riders and very few swimmers have ventured out. In fact it is a bit like swimming in the Mediterranean – only a lot cleaner. This state of affairs is definitely un-Australian and I will not stand for it any longer.



Noosa has to be the Roundabout Capital of the world. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against roundabouts. In fact I much prefer them to traffic lights. Noosa has very few traffic lights but it has more than its fair share of roundabouts. I counted 42 in total. From the Bruce Highway to Hastings Street you need to circumnavigate up to 16 roundabouts. That is far too many, by anyone’s standards. And unlike traffic lights, it is very easy to take what you think is the correct exit from a roundabout and end up going completely the wrong way. Trust me, I know!



But I digress! Noosa is here for one thing and one thing only. And that is solely for our pleasure. Our pleasure to enjoy her sublime scenery and wonderful weather and all of this costs us absolutely nothing except perhaps a little bit of our soul. Not bad I would say, wouldn’t you?

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