Consolidate Thyself!

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Here's a great idea, kids! Let's take Grandma's ashes to her final resting place in Wichita, then pop over to Tennessee and see your sister's new house, and then us gals'll pile into the car and head on down to Savannah! Whaddya say?

It was a whirlwind, but it was, all-in-all, really kind of fun. Except.

Well, except for the showdown at DFW over "consolidating" our carry-on items. One, the Grandma herself, was actually about as consolidated as any of us could ever hope to be; seein' as how she was in a box carried in a vintage PanAm bag. (The vehicle of choice, in this family, for transporting a relative to their final destination. In the physical world, anyway.) No other airport gave us this kind of hassle, and that includes San Diego, Wichita, and Nashville. Maybe not the "big deal" as airports go, although San Diego is pretty busy and not exactly a sleepy little village any more.

"You must consolidate!" Screamed the over-caffinated American Airlines gatekeeper. "We'll be fined by the FAA! Consolidate! You have too many items! We will be fined!"

"Bull." Said my mother. No doubt beginning to feeling her Southern oats, a bit.

For my part, I simply pointed out, perhaps a bit too loudly, that if Grandma had been a bag of sandwiches, there would be no problem because, according to AA's own website, food items purchased after security, like coats or umbrellas, did NOT COUNT as a carry-on item. Besides, I wouldn't tell the FAA, if she wouldn't.

The indignant ticket-taker called for her supervisor. He played "good cop" to her bad, and let us pass, slightly ruffled, but undaunted and clearly entertaining to our fellow passengers. By the way, if any of them happen to read this, they can thank me, personally, for the smug self-satisfaction they felt on the ride to Wichita. Just post your gratitude here.

We saw the Supervisor again, on the way through DFW to Nashville, and he was very polite, remembered us, and again apologized, stating that he talked to "her" and explained that she might needed to listen to the story, before throwing a hissy, Texas-style. We were flying First Class and there was plenty of room. Something she could have checked and should have known, because we were the first to board. That might have been our mistake -- -- not blending in enough with other passengers.

Of course, American had the final word on the last flight segment of this adventure. Our departure gate changed three (count' em, three!) times before we actually boarded a plane allegedly heading roughly toward the West. These weren't "close together" gates, either, but on opposite ends of AA's legendary Terminal "C" at massive DFW.

I suppose we could have checked our carry-ons, but we were young and daring when we began our journey, and gamely played the "pack light" game, taking only correctly sized carry-on luggage and a tote bag/purse, each. The PanAm bag was apparently just too much for the frazzled airline employee. At least, that day, it seems.

TSA, in San Diego, was very respectful and polite when they asked for our documentation and for us to remove the box from the carrier and allow them to x-ray it. But, airport security and airline gate personnel are not the same. San Diego had no problem with us at all.

I noted on our return through DFW, that many, many passengers were passed through the boarding pass checkers carrying what seemed to be more than two carry-on items. But, by that leg of this particular trip, I may not have been able to count accurately.

I have, however, learned my lesson. If someone I know passes away between now and September when I leave for Europe, I will just have to turn down their request to go with me. I will regret it, but I will just have to.

More to come.

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