The End (One Year Later!)

---

It's hard to believe that almost exactly one year ago I left for Japan...
Since it's just around the time of my one year anniversary of departing, I have definitely been thinking more and more about my experience that semester at Kansai Gaidai.

And do you know what I realized? That I never wrote anything to conclude my trip!

I guess I just got really busy towards the end of the semester, having to pack everything up and get ready to go back home. It was a very stressfult time too, and I had so many different thoughts and emotions going through my head that I just forgot about my poor little travel blog! I thought I would finish it when I got home, but as soon as I was back I was busy spending time with my family and friends who I had missed so much. So once again, my travel blog was neglected. But I think now is the right time to finally conclude my story because I've had plenty of time to reflect back on all of my experiences and had time to realize just how much my time in Japan meant to me...

I have to admit that before I left for Japan I was not very happy with the way things in my life were going. As you may know, I had never lived away from home. I had never had the experience of being on my own, even though that's what I wanted more than anything. I had dreams that were so much bigger than anything Maryville could offer, and all I wanted was to get away. I needed a change. I was also having a difficult time with my parents and our relationship was really starting to suffer as a result. I did have wonderful friends, some of whom I had known since middle school, but I felt like no matter what I did, people always had a certain image of me that I had to maintain. I guess that's how it is when you live in a small town. So I thought of Japan as an opportunity to kind of "start over."

Obviously I had a lot of hopes and expectations attached to my trip when I left, and I definitely got everything I had wanted and more...

I tell everyone that Japan was the best experience of my life thus far, and I truly do believe that. It gave me the opportunity to grow as a person. Being on my own, meeting new people, and traveling to all these exotic places made feel like I was alive for the first time. Granted, I did go through a period of depression after being there for a month (which I hear is normal when adjusting to a new culture), but I came out of it with a new perspective and attitude that carried through the rest of my days in Japan. I can't describe in words how Japan changed me, but I know deep inside that when I came back to Maryville I was a completely different person. As I was waiting to board my plane back to the U.S. I wrote in my journal:

"Well, I’m finally on my way home! Just sitting at the airport until it’s time to board the plane. Then it’s sayonara Japan! I’m not as sad as I thought I would be. I feel like I made the most out of Japan and have gotten a lot out of this experience. And I always knew it wouldn’t go on forever. All good things have to come to an end eventually. So I like to look at it as a starting point in my life. I have learned so much from being on my own, and I’ve grown up a lot these past 4 months. I am so very lucky that I had this opportunity, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Things in my life just weren’t going right. My relationship with my parents kept getting worse and I ultimately cut off all contact from my brother for the past year. I just felt trapped in Maryville and disappointed with life in general, like I couldn’t be free and that I was missing out on something. I felt like I wasn’t really living. I was just existing and going through the motions of everyday life. But now I’ve found what it really means to 'live.'

For the first time in my life, I really feel alive and like I’m doing something meaningful. I feel like I have a better sense of who I am as a person and am more determined to get what I want in life. I don’t know exactly how to describe how I have changed. But I guess you could say that I just grew up in general while I was in Japan. Being on my own, making my own decisions, living in big cities, and having to decide what is right and wrong has really shaped me into a much more mature person. I don’t know when I would have gotten such an opportunity to develop myself as a person if it weren’t for my semester abroad. It really has been a life changing experience, and I will be forever thankful to Japan for all the things it has taught me. No matter where I go, this country will always have a special place in my heart. Just thinking about those beautiful days in Kyoto, walking among all the sakura and snacking on sweets, or going shopping among the big buildings in Osaka and getting lost on the trains and subway, makes me happy.

So I’m not sad as I am leaving this country. Yes, it is bittersweet, as Ian called it. Because while I have loved living in Japan and experiencing the culture, I think it is time for me to leave. I have gotten so much from this experience that now I am ready to take all the things I’ve learned and incorporate them into my life back home---my new life. "

I think that pretty much sums up how I felt when I left Japan. The one thing I didn't realize at that time, however, was how much I would miss it...

It still amazes me how vivid my memories of Japan are, even one year later. Sometimes I'll be listening to the radio and a song will come on that reminds me of Japan (cause you know, I listened to music the whole time I was there while I was doing everything). They bring back memories of riding my bike to school in the morning, or of the long bus ride I would take to work every week. I love to just close my eyes (as long as I'm not driving, of course!) and remember everything about those amazing moments. And sometimes I can remember everything so vividly that I almost feel like I am there again, and for a moment I experience that same feeling of complete freedom and adventure that I had in Japan. That's how I know I will never forget my time in Japan.

I also love going back and reading through my blog entries and personal journal, and looking at pictures from all the wonderful places I visited in Japan. It makes me smile every time 😊 The memories that I have from Japan are some of the best of my life, and I hope that one day I will have the chance to come back and visit my favorite places, and also explore new places!

One of the best parts about being home, though, is that I get to spend time with all the people I care about. My relationship with my parents is better now than it has ever been, and I've started rebuilding my relationship with my brother and his wife...oh, and now I'm an aunt! They had a little girl in October and she's absolutely adorable. Spending time with my family now is a wonderful experience and I know that I will always have their love and support no matter what.

And now I'm living on campus for my senior year of college with 2 of my best friends, Tara and Rachel! And Pamela is basically our other roommate even though she doesn't live with us. Even though we are getting old (yes i consider 22 old) and can't stay out as late as we used to, we still have a lot of fun and I'm really enjoying the experience of living with them. I love those girls!

Perhaps one of the best things about being home is getting to spend time with my boyfriend Ian. Being away from him for 4 months was definitely one of the worst things about leaving, but now we are even closer because of that time apart! I am always amazed at how distance tends to bring people closer 😊

So now it's time to start thinking about the next part of my life...meaning, what to do after college! My time in Japan definitely made me more aware of what I want to do with my life. I now know that international relations is what I want to do as my career, and I hope I am fortunate enough to find a job where I can use the skills I learned while in Japan. I know what I want to do and what I want in life, now I just have to make those dreams a reality. So everyone pray for me! (I'm going to need it with this horrible economy lol).

And one last note...I've put some of favorite pictures from Japan in this entry, as well as pictures from Tennessee and with my friends so you can see a little bit of what my life back in Maryville is like. So I hope you enjoy them!

I also want to thank everyone who has followed my blog! I have made many new friends through my blog, and I really appreciate all the support I have received over the past year. Your comments and messages keep me motivated to keep writing, and it makes me very happy to know that I can share my experience with so many people. So thanks again and keep in touch!

Sayonara for now 😊 ~Xamena

---

Photos

Sakura
The very first sakura blossoms I saw in Tokyo

Walking to School
The tiny streets we would walk through to get to school.

Kyoto
View of Kyoto from the Kyomizu Temple.

KG Entrance
The entrance to Kansai Gaidai Unversity!

Tokyo
Tokyo at night from the tower.

Okinawa
In the Okinawa shopping district.

Leilani and I
On the beach in Okinawa.

Zamami Island
The entrance to the beach in Okinawa.

Toriki!
Eating fatty foods at torikiniku in Hirakata.

Himeji Bessho
Stuck at the Himeji Bessho train stop :(

Playtime!
Playing around the Himeji Castle grounds.

Shibuya Crossing
The millions of people at the 5-way intersection in Shibuya

Naptime
Taking a nap in a park in Tokyo cause we had no place to stay! lol.

Smoky Mountains
Back in Maryville! View of the Smoky Mountains

Maryville
A view of Maryville from the mountains. It took me awhile to get used to all the trees again!

Me and Leila
The little sister :)

Beamer
My cute little doggie.

Kiss Kiss
She loves me lol

Roomies
My roommates Tara and Rachel

Homecoming
Homecoming weekend, posing among the fall leaves on campus.

Me and Ian
At the homecoming football game.

Comments

[teecha_nikky]

Thankyou!
This blog was a great read. I'm currently preparing to come home, and going through the madness of packing, and wondering if I made the right decision to leave. Reading about your fondness for and memories of Japan, while still feeling happy to be home is reassuring. I also completely agree with you about the growing up, maturing and changing effect that living here alone has on a person. I could never see myself moving out, in the conventional sense, yet somehow I moved overseas...to this beautiful country. Any advice for getting in the going home headspace?

[xamena]

RE:
Sorry this is kind of a late response...I'm so busy with school that I hardly ever get to check my travel blog! But I'm glad this helped. It's hard to leave, especially when you're just getting used to your life there. But the main thing that made me happy about coming home was the people. Honestly, I don't really see myself living in TN or my hometown, and living in Japan helped me realize that I want more than a small town life. But my family and the friends I have back home make me happy! So even though I was losing one thing, I was also gaining something else. Hopefully you have people like that to go home to because it makes it so much easier to transition. And it took me a long time to get accustomed to my life back home, so don't get too discouraged if at first you feel really homesick for Japan and feel like you made the wrong decision. Good luck!