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Published: July 16th 2007
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Friday (July 13th) & Saturday (July 14th): This weekend was such a blur. The booze consumption was so much, even for our pro-level standards. Alyssa warned me that her friends could drink, but I thought it was "girl-speak," where things are seen through rose-colored shades. Yknow, like when a girl says her friend is "cute;" we all know what that usually means. I stand corrected. These girls could DRINK! As I said, the weekend was a blur, so I'm just going to include a highlight reel here. If anyone who participated wants to add things that I missed, feel free to in the comments. I'll try to stay somewhat chronological.
There was karaoke at the Sea Dogs on Friday. That's a given. Highlights include Dave and I doing our famous duet of "Faithfully." Instead of dropping our pants mid-song, we started the song that way, just to give the ladies an idea of what was for sale. As the song was ending, the woman who was running the show left the mics on. Dave started hitting on her (over the live mic), but she informed him she was married. His last ditch effort was to lie and say we had
bunkbeds. She wasn't impressed. More after hours. More drinking games. More foolishness. There is a moonlight swim in the bay, that for some party goers de-volves into a high school makeout party. Again I wake up at the old Handsome Headquarters. There is a certain peace in the early morning air which is promptly shattered by Dave screaming that he is still drunk from the night before. Somewhere, I register that he has started drinking in the morning. It is 9 am. I drift back to sleep, hoping that the booze will knock Dave out, but knowing deep in my bones I'm in for a long day of Davey-sitting. About forty minutes later, the door to my borrowed room flies open. Somehow, Dave has located a megaphone and is screaming for me to wake up. I come into the living room to find a bunch of people I went to high school with. It's like the class of '98 reunion. Jru is there and he notes that the girls we are partying with would've been in kindergarten when we were in our freshmen year of high school. (Never do the math.)
More beach. The tide was all the way in
to the steps, so everyone camped on the rocks. Dave, my bro, and I improvised a wiffleball came where we stood on a boulder in the water and our friend Tim would hurl a tennis ball from the rocks above. We sucked at it, so Tim just started hurling full (glass!!) bottles of twisted Teas instead. They'd hit the water intact and bob around 'til we could swim out to them. Still, I think the families swimming nearby were horrified by the booze missles raining down. Somewhere in this time Dave steps on a rusty screw. He declines a tetanus shot. I'm betting he gets lockjaw within the week. I separate from the group to locate my missing wallet. Finding it (2hours later), I head back, only to receive a phone call from a friend of mine on the Eastham Police Dept. Apparently, Dave hadn't moved his car for a few days from the Fairway and it was going to be towed. I make a few phonecalls to avert that outcome and make arrangements for his rig to be taken away. I arrive at Whitney, Brion and Alyssa's place, where everyone was supposed to be getting ready to go to
Provincetown. Instead, my brother and all the girls were back at the cottage. What I found instead was Dave, Whitney, some girl named Ryan and this dude we just met last night named Chris. They are by themselves and drinking heavily from a jug of Carlo Rossi. Dave is actually showered and dressed. Apparently, someone drove him to TJ Max so he could buy clothes and not go all the way home to Brewster. He had new pants, new sandals, new everything. Only Dave would waste that much money to save a 20 minute drive. He was also essentially "leg-less," as were his partners in crime, since they were not making coherent English words. At one point, I even got the stereotypical drunk statement from Ryan: "You don't even know, maaan..." Don't know what? The girls all join us from the cottage. We try for a long time to figure out who's driving to dinner. They also wanted to know who was going to a drag queen show. I looked at Alyssa and informed her that I would not, under any circumstances, be bringing a fully blacked-out Dave to a drag queen show. There was no way he'd be civil.
He wholeheartedly agreed, walked down the hall and somehow got tangled up with Whitney. There was a loud crash and drunken giggling. They had fallen hard and couldn't stand to save their lives.
There was a horrible drive to Ptown, where Dave kept bumping my arm while i was driving. There was dinner. More drinking. A drive to the Beachcomber. There, 14 hours of booze have donkey kicked Dave in the face. He is in a walking coma. We don't stay long, but long enough for me to run into a bachelorette party. What attracted me to them was the fact that they had a two and a half foot tall blow-up doll.... with RED HAIR!! It kinda looked like a mini Dave. I told the girls to be ready for when my friend came back from the bathroom. As he rounds the corner, stumbling drunk, 7 girls start screaming at him and waving a doll at him. The look on his face was a combo of utter confusion, shock and primal fear. He looked like someone pulled a gun on him. He couldn't register why these girls were screaming.
Back to Eastham. More latenight boozing. There's probably more to
tell, but this is the short version. Enjoy the pictures, they tell a better story than I ever could anyway.
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Mike G
non-member comment
Save some for the big guy
I'm moving back in the fall, save some for the big guy.