Roadkiller

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First, I killed a snake. Then, I killed a bird. One bird of two. And, knowing what I know about the monogamous pair bonding of birds, I killed either mommy or daddy. I killed innumerable flying insects. A complete carnage of hemolymph (bug blood), wings, and exoskeletons is still splattered across my windshield. But, it was killing the bunny that really did a number on me.

I didn’t feel any discernible bump. I looked in my rearview mirror, praying to see the little guy dashing to safety at the side of the road. Instead, I saw his body rolling with the velocity of my car traveling 85 miles per hour, and tufts of his fur flying in the air. I felt a lump rising in my throat. Horribly upset, I had to pull over and reconsider the whole idea of this road trip.

I had caused the death of countless innocent beings simply because they had gotten in the way of my fun. I hadn’t killed them out of any necessity or mortal danger. I wasn’t starving to death or faced with a “It’s me or you” situation. I just wanted to get from Point A to Point B. I didn’t need to. I just wanted to have fun.

I thought back to a time when I was staying at the Korean Monastery in Sravasti, India. I saw an earthworm lying in the middle of a much-used footpath. Thinking that I would save him from possibly being crushed, I picked him up and put him in the dirt beside the path. Immediately, a centipede-like creature crawled from out of nowhere, caught him, and devoured him. I was devastated.

Concerned about the karmic retributions of my actions, I sought counsel from the Zen master. After listening calmly to my distressed retelling of the event, he offered a me humble smile and the best advice I could’ve asked for, “Just don’t know. Don’t think. Just don’t know.”

Pulled off on the side of Utah’s SR-95, I offered up a prayer for the departed soul of the bunny. And the bird, and the snake, and the countless bugs I had killed. I’ve learned that you can’t always save fish from drowning.

Om Mani Padma Hum

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Photos

Utah SR-95
It was on this lonely desert road that most of the killing took place.

Saved!
This ram in Capital Reef was one of the lucky creatures that missed being crushed by my car.

Chimney Rock, Capital Reef National Park, Utah
I just did a quick drive through of Capital Reef, but found it to be one of the most beautiful places in Utah.