Wish I'd brought my camera...

---

I hope I remember today for the rest of my life.

It's been a fucking crazy day and it's only 8 hours old where I am. It started around midnight with listening to the pensive autumnal mix which is coming together and having an important Talking About Our God Damned Feelings conversation with a friend of mine, after which Dan and I left to catch the last shuttle to Taksim. On the way I learned that apparently people, hilariously, actually think or thought that me and Dan are gay lovers--I guess because we get along so well and don't conform to many of the characteristics of modern masculinity we must be having gay sex or something. Anyway, we got to Taksim where we found the bar for the election party. There we met literally one of the craziest people I've ever met--a french political science student who loves Billy Corgan and assault rifles and America and having sex with Bulgarian prostitutes and almost dying who is named Vannial-Or-Something who I am going to definitely see again before I leave Istanbul. Him, Dan and I shared stories and drank cheap beer. Then when Ariel got there we went to go get food and we found the shop where our French friend apparently ate sheep anus last week; he tried to order it again by using charades since he forgot the name, but got nowhere--the staff thought he was fucking hilarious and inexplicable. We went back and I had Talk About My God Damned Feelings Time with Ariel while we sat on the steps in this bar. Suddenly the west coast polls closed and CNN called the election for Obama out of nowhere and we all flipped out for a moment (okay, fine, several...)--I didn't realize Ohio and Virginia had already been called for him at that point. I felt, for a while, proud of my country for the first time in so long it's hard to remember. I hugged Ariel so hard it hurt and appreciated how lucky I am to have met her and watched the brilliant Istanbul sunset from the amazing view from our bar with Dan. Then I went downstairs and yelled out my joy into the mostly empty dawn streets of Istiklal. Dan came along and we got on a bus to go back to Rumelihisarüstü, where we started one of the most powerful and refreshing Talk About Or Motherfucking Feelings conversations I've had in so fucking long you wouldn't believe. It really was maybe one of the most important conversations I've had in years--I don't even know if he would agree, but that doesn't change how important I found it. Afterwards on the bus, cute Turkish high school girls flirted with us in slow and mildly broken Turkish innocently until they got off the bus and it warmed my heart. Dan and I got off the bus and now I am here. I don't have class until 3. TIME TO SLEEP AND HOPEFULLY WHEN I WAKE UP, THIS FUCKING TIME THE GUY I WANT TO BE PRESIDENT AND THINK IS THE PRESIDENT ELECT WILL STILL BE PRESIDENT ELECT.

And now I think I will cry for a minute because I feel, in this moment, for the first time, I realize, in so long, that there is some chance of something, however measly, however much of a compromise with a lesser evil, however simple, however base, changing for the better--of the world actually letting something marginally better happen than what has happened than before. Barack Obama is not my saint, but he is not dead and he was allowed to win according to some preset rule, according to a system that submitted itself to some sort of reflection, however strange and imperfect, of "the people's will." I made a bet with Dan that it could happen, but I'll admit I wasn't one hundred percent sure. I find John McCain's concession speech the most moving, genuine thing he's said in months ( by far--I only wish that his crowd had the grace and humility he genuinely seemed to have.) This feeling is probably rather impermanent. But it is something. It is what I feel now.

Also, I wonder if this election will be the political landscape-shifting event that's been forthcoming for a while--Barack Obama won fucking Indiana. Indi-fucking-ana and North Carolina and every other fucking swing state except for Missouri. That's a big change, at least in terms of electoral politics.

What a beautiful morning. This day, if it is not remembered by me forever, will at least be remembered as a part of Black History Month or something for years to come. I can only hope some quantum of its beauty as I experienced it remains four-score and seven years from now, if not longer.

Beyond that--god, life here is beautiful. If I believed in a God that it made sense praying to, I would thank It with such vigor that you would not believe... Genuinely. I feel more alive, more loving, more genuine, more real here than I have ever, anywhere, except maybe NOLA, which might tie with this. Almost makes me wish I had some one to pray to in thanks for it. Okay, well, I'll admit it, there are specific people--my parents (particularly my mother), my grandmother, everyone in SIS 498 last spring, Gordon the sound guy at GZ, Malia, Darielle at the Study Abroad office, Holly Ambrozic Mckee, who really convinced me to go. I am unspeakably grateful to all of you for collectively convincing me to partake of this experience. I really, really need to Skype / send some post cards to my family and grandmother soon...

---