Newark.... the Joy

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Newark Airport....
> We landed an hour late which was a blessing since Newark was completely > desolate upon landing...every airline employee spoke to us with the > courtesy and manners I would only expect in Jersey--that being non > existant....a simple "what terminal is El Al in?" got me a glare that > would kill and a gruff "B" then we took the airtrain which the escalator > was broken to get up to...we got to terminal B, took the escalator down > (and by the noises it was making I am not suprised the one going up in the > other terminal was broken) I really needed to go to the restroom and we > walked the entire length of the terminal following signs to a non-existant > bathroom...then finally found one and had to walk all the way back to the > other end to find out the El Al counter would open at 10am (which we later > found out was wrong) then we decided due to exhaustion and a 6 hour lay > over, that we would try to go to the Alaska terminal and see if we could > use my two guest passes to the Alaska Airlines board
> room (aka VIP lounge) we had a similar experience of taking the airtrain, > again puttiing our lives on the line by using an escalator that sounded > like a warthog in labor and then having to walk the entire length of the > place to get to the Alaska counter (although this terminal had several > bathrooms along the way --convienently since we had just peed) only to > find it wasn't open...we then went to the Air Canada counter where we > learned Alaska doesn't have a lounge in Newark! so we again to the > airtrain back to the El Al terminal- found some exteremely bad breakfast > at TGI Fridays (good wings, bad breakfast) then at 9am we decided to go > back to the El Al counter and wait for them to open at 10am. It was a good > thing we went when we did...we secured our place in line behind the two > cranky Scottsdale women who were going to a wedding and turned up there > noses when I happily proclaimed "my parents live in Phoenix" only to get > the "we live in SCOTTSDALE" reply...JUST after we got
> in line a herd of what I thought must be 15 and 16 year olds got in line > behind us with their tour group ( I was later appauled to learn they were > actually college and grad school students--made me feel SUPER old! ) after > waiting about 15 minutes this group of men in suits carrying music stands > appeared and set up their music stands in various places around us.. I > started to think "this is it! Its the scene in the titanic with the > musicians playing and we're all going overboard!" then they started > calling each of us over and asking us security questions...i got quized on > my Hebrew skills...asked what synagogue I go to...did I have any relatives > in israel? What exactly IS my affiliation with Hadassah? I felt like if I > was male they would have asked me for drawer dropping proof of my > circumcision! aftern finally being given my passport back I was sent to > another line where a lovely Irish girl (??) checked me in and informed us > seats are pre-assigned and there's no changing....
> we finally found our way to the gate (but not after walking the length of > the terminal in the wrong direction (does Jersey not believe in signs??) > after the 20th person of the day perused my gastly passport photo we > finally arrived at the gate-- where we unsuccessfuly tried to bribe the > guy in the British Airways lounge to let us in :-( but luckily that > allowed me the chance to witness this amazing exchange while sitting by > the gate:
> 1st aiport maintenance guy in Jersey accent "What did he hurt his finger > that bad?
> 2nd airport maintenance guy in worse jersey accent with additional wise > guy half smirk "Nah it was just a little nic"
> 1st guy "what he had'a have a cry like a little baby?" ahhhh Jersey never > one to dissapoint :-)
> -Suzanna
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