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Published: March 16th 2008
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Careful...I molest alligators
See that smile? We're playing "where's my hands?" Updates, updates. Life is interesting and in the interest of not being too hippy-dippy, I'll try to keep my self in control.
I'm home. Home as in Israel - not that far off place over the Atlantic ocean I used to call home. That my dear friends (by the way - 1 more new loyal reader Hey!! Hi!!) is what I used to call home. Not anymore.
What's absolutly ridiculous however, is how I seem to have melded into the Israeli culture that when I went back to the states, certain things that for the first 23 years of my life were considered normal, were either completely backwards or just "foreign" to me.
Take for instance American money. For the life of me I couldn't fit it in my wallet without having to fold it in half. Apparently my wallet
made in Israel rejected that piece of currency that is currently worth just about nothing (don't even get me started) would NOT fit in my wallet.
And wow is America expensive!! My Israeli bank account caught up to me alright in about....3 weeks. Over $750 I spent. While that may not be a huge amount, that's a
El Al
Another blog on just the trip home is in coming - but let's just say, I was a happy Israeli when I saw that this was who I was flying... month and half rent here in Israel. Ouch.
Besides the money slowly disappearing out my small wallet anyways, I'm now the typical loud Israeli. Oh help me. It became very evident when people who are close enough to me to tell me when to shutup, asked me "Why are you so loud?? Did they teach you that in Israel? Shutup already!"
Newsflash to all Israelis: You are a loud people. Others notice it. And new immigrants who return to their orginal homeland don't even realize just how loud they have become and it's because we subconciously have to learn to speak like you (nevermind that whole Hebrew thing as well but shh...I secretly LOVE it!)
Oh and that's another thing...what is up with you Israelis trying to mess with us learning Hebrew??? Why does a certain word mean like 80 million different things, nu?? It's like you finally have a light bulb go off in understanding and then they go "oh and it means this and this and this and wait....even this is a completely different context, b'seder?"
Lo, lo b'seder. I'm not ok with that.
Speaking of ulpan - I'm signed up with a
I'm artistic.
I took this lovely photo...now don't steal it. I know you want to, but control yourself!! private one on one ulpan. Half online and half by the phone with the option of meeting my morah in Lod. 3 months of only me and the teacher - I can't wait. Depending on how I do with this class (and how could I not improve?) I have 2 fire department interviews. Woot.
Tragedy has struck Kfar Saba. In the form of a religious man complete with tsitsit and kippah. This odeious man has turned my favorite sushi place KOSHER. As in...no more eel sushi.
For those confused as to what eel is, please refer to the picture. Yes, it looks like a snake that lives in water, but with the right spices and temperature and of course, umm being dead, this thing is beyond amazingly delicious in a sushi setting.
Now, I am a flexible, go with the flow person and I had almost given up all hope of finding good eel sushi outside of the Tel Aviv area, but then a ray of veritable sunshine came to me in my own town of Kfar Saba. This little slice of heaven was amazing - I keep using past tense because I feel
Grr..bark!
This bulldog represents my ideology now. Don't mess with me...I'm an Israeli. :) as if someone has died - I used to go there so often and gorge on eel sushi that as soon as I walked in, they automatically put in my order so that I could have it while I ordered the rest of my food. Trust me, I'm a regular.
But this man, this friggin' human being, while I was gone in America, came in and swooped up all my eel and said "No more eel for you!! This is not kosher!!" Believe me, I have respect for those who choose to keep kashrut, and yes, this is Israel and it is a Jewish state where in general - food is kosher - but give me a break!! Leave me one place!!!!!!!!
So what does any self-respecting girl like myself do? I become Israeli and prepare to bitch. I call over the new "owner" and ask him when this place became kosher. This is how the conversation went.
ME: "Slicha! Hi. When did this place go kosher?"
Kosher Craphead Man: "2 weeks ago. Lamah?"
ME: "Why in the world would you do such a thing?? This place was terrific when it wasn't kosher!"
KCM: "But nothing has changed - it's just kosher now!"
ME: "NOTHING has changed??? Are you crazy, nu?? Where is my eel sushi? That has changed!! Don't you tell me nothing has changed. This is one of the only reasons I ever came here!!"
KCM: "Ma zeh 'eel?'"
ME: "Only the most delicious piece of sushi you HAD on your menu before you turned kosher. If you must know, it's a type of creature that lives in the water and it looks a bit like a snake"
KCM: "Why you eat that thing? It's not kosher! This is so much better! (pointing to the sushi I so clearly do NOT want)"
ME: "This is ridiculous. I don't like you. Thanks."
So there you have it...yes, while there are rockets slamming into Sderot and the horrible massacre at the Yeshiva in Jerusalem are actual terroristic tragedies (of which I am so horrible sorry for and my heart bleeds
Eel
Yes, it's a big snake gross looking thing, but dear god is it good! for them), I am fighting my own terrorism on the homefront.
Against the eel stealing sushi man. Alright, alright...enough writing for now.
Till then, laila tov and good night!
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