London Part 2 - Stuff and things

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…Continued



The whole job hunting process was pretty straight forward and a lot easier than I imagined. The most important part leading up to the application process was getting my resume up to date and into a “UK friendly” format. The English don’t really care about what you say or what you can do; they only care about the exact achievements you have successfully completed to bring you to this stage. So I worded mine according, carefully selecting words like ‘Achieved’ and ‘Successfully’ and ‘Instrumental’ and weaved them in with a variation of actual events. I think it may have done the trick as I started to get a few calls a day, some good offers which I pursued and some really bad ones…

So the phone rang, I answered and was relieved to hear the recruitment agent say “Hi Darren I have some news about your interview”. Now at this stage I didn’t really care if it was good or bad I just wanted to find out and move on. “Darren they have offered you the job, but you will need to start on Monday”. No problem I said and was soon off the phone and into the world of employment.

They call me a Senior Solutions Engineer, but I can think of three words that are a bit misleading in that title. 😊 At the end of the day I work for an outsourcing company and I am a team leader for a Citrix migration project for the Greenwich council. I won’t explain it in any more detail as it’s an IT role and most of you have probably already skimmed past this point and onto something more interesting. But I will say I enjoy the role as I have never managed a team of people before and they (management) have got it in their heads that I do my job well, but honestly I think they only keep me employed as I am a good source of humour for them as I provide an endless comparison between Australian and English life. Most of the jokes are on Australia but I give my fair share back which keeps things rolling and people smiling. They also pay me which is nice, but it’s really just compensation for catching the tube and walking in the rain everyday. 😊

I’ll tell you about the underground tube train system as it’s a whole world in itself.

Everyday I walk to my local station, ride an escalator down a storey or two and emerge into an underground labyrinth of twisted tunnels each with their own wind patterns and constant balmy climate. Yes it's bloody hot down there which you wouldn't expect from London, but with all the millions of people running around like ants on a gathering mission, and all the trains with hot electric motors and brakes, it's easy to see how it gets like this.

The other morning I left for work a little later than usual and was forced to catch the train during peak hour on the Jubilee line, towards Canary Wharf, the business district. Normally trains roll past at the commendable rate of one every three minutes or so, so I was surprised to see the platform still full of commotion and people struggling to board each passing train. When I squeezed through the queue and it was my turn to get on, the doors slid open and a wall of faces stared back at me, each with a uniquely frustrated look and saying to themselves, "Good luck getting on here mate". I found a gap, got on and assumed the uncomfortable stance just inside the carriage, with my back against the sliding doors. Now this is not too bad for the average commuter, but for us that are over six feet tall it means we have to contort to the curved wall and roof line of the train, which I will understate as, horrible. Never the less I was on and had my allocated 10cm of "my space" to enjoy the paper. Somehow it really doesn’t matter that you are standing in pain against the roof line, breathing hot humid air and being constantly shuffled and jostled at each stop. I was one of the "lucky ones" that got on. 😊 As bad as that sounds I am glad I am on the taller side as shorter people have to suffer all of this, as well as having their face awkwardly positioned right up to the underarm of the person standing next to them...poor bastards 😊

Each stop in peak hour can either be a blessing or pure frustration. At each station at least one person will disembark, which cunningly translates to assuming more space or even a seat. But if the doors open on your side and you are already squashed in, a somewhat automated and choreographed shuffle takes place as people push towards the exit and more people force there way on. They should wait till everyone gets off, but they never do. These few seconds between the doors opening and closing are vital as it's your only chance to improve on your position buy sidestepping into a more valuable piece of real estate. I personally choose to hover close to the seats as "the next stop" could be the lucky one when someone gets up and the new seat owner is assumed by who is closest. It's kind of like musical chairs, and if your the unlucky kid who misses out when the music stops, your left standing, frustrated and annoyed all in your first few hours before you have even made it to the office. Nice. Welcome to London.

The people on the tube are varied and I don’t just mean in appearance, I mean their mental state and demeanour. Some people are really strange like this one guy who sat opposite me, singing out aloud. Now I thought to myself that this guy is probably just listening to his iPod and singing a bit too loud, but when he got off, I could clearly see he had not been listening to music at all, but instead was having a full conversation (sing along) with another person in his own head. Hmmm.

Yeah you get a lot of freaks too, not mentally ill like that last guy, but freaks like in the way they dress and act in public. I have seen guys wearing black jeans so tight they have trouble getting off the train and think they are cool, an older gentlemen dressed in a three piece velvet suit, straight from a bondage session …and proud of it, pimps with bling, and varieties of “fashion” to suit everyone’s taste. Now we all know that people believe in all sorts of things which is fine and I say ‘each to their own’ as long as their beliefs don’t affect people around them, but some people step outside of this and want to “spread the word” about what they believe in. They think that the world that is trapped inside their tiny, brainwashed intellect is generally misunderstood and they feel it’s their mission to tell everyone and recruit new members. Currently to date I have been offered to join three cults, a religious sect and to join the Freeganism movement. 😊 Look up Freeganism later HERE….interesting but I decided it was not for me as a main part of it is foraging through garbage for food so you don’t have to purchase it from shops and contribute to the capitalist society. I stepped away and avoided eye contact at this point.


Now don't get me wrong, the tube is a great system which I use everyday and rely on it heavily. It operates very frequently (every three min) and always provides a reasonably clean and safe environment and with plenty of free seats. You can travel to all stations throughout London, even quite far away places like Wimbledon and Heathrow and of course to the Monopoly ones like Bond St and Piccadilly. It’s just as well London has such a world class transport system that keeps improving, as driving anywhere near the city is basically out of the question. I really miss that about home, the freedom to drive anywhere, the decent roads and my cars.


I’ll leave you with one last public transport story…


This one time, on a bus, I had an experience that made my 10 min journey feel like a lifetime. Here I was sitting at the back of an almost fully bus. Now I usually leave the back seat free for the 16 year old tough guys, but on this occasion I had no choice but to sit there. At a bus stop only moments from when I had started reading the morning paper, a large black woman boarded and headed my way. If it were any other normal day, there would be nothing unusual or out of place here, but it’s when she went to sit down I realised I was in trouble. She shuffled sideways through the bus awkwardly and unfortunately towards the only free seat, next to me. Try to imagine me sitting on the bench seat at the back of a standard bus, against the window with one seat free to my left and more people following that on the other side. The lady arrived in front of me and smiled gently, maybe asking for understanding before she sat down. As she spun around and squatted towards the seat, her rear end, which resembled two hot air balloons, swayed from side to side as she “scanned” the seat like a radar, using her sense of touch as her only guide, her bum cheeks rubbed against my legs and knees at every pass. 😊 The guy on the other side of the free seat was clearly distressed and suggested that he give up the seat for her. She ignored him and pressed on (excuse the pun) with her seat acquiring mission. Eventually, after I had been sat on and squeezed like a fresh orange, she found the seat and had me pressed right up against the window with 15cm of seat left to my name. This was the beginning of a 10min bus ride and a day I will always remember. 😊


Cheers,
Darren

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Photos

Weirdo
This guy brought his own chair

Comments

[Jo]

Jealous
Hey guys, you're making miss london :(..... looks like you got the travel thing down pat. Now i want to go travelling. chat soon. joey :)