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moscow 6
you know i have to take this picture in every city i visit. So I call myself doing the equivalent of backpacking around the globe for a year. Only I don't have a backpack, I have a rollerboard or rollaboard or whatever they call it. And I don't sleep in hostels, I sleep in hotels. And I wear a uniform. And I have to smile all the time. And I have to pick up trash and act like it's not killing me to touch other people's cups with their cooties and germs. And I have to listen to pilot's corny jokes and act amused.
But I AM poor as if I actually were backpacking around the globe. And I am getting to travel.
For those of you who've said to yourselves that you always wanted to go to Russia, slap yourself really hard in the face three times and realize that you do NOT need to go to Russia. You can live vicariously through me and you too can experience Moscow.
I didn't ask to go to Moscow. I'd heard horror stories about the flights to Moscow. Stories about passengers throwing their empty trays into the aisles when they weren't picked up quickly enough, and cleaning out all the liquor onboard. But
moscow 1
this is famous. what is it? I had three reserve days and someone in scheduling had a sense of humor and decided I should go on a three day trip to Moscow. So what the hell. How often in life am I really going to get the opportunity to go to Russia? If I never work another flight to Russia, I will still die a happy camper.
Russians are a peculiar breed. They drink tomato juice and they drink vodka. and whiskey. and cognac. and occasionally orange juice. and tomato juice. But really, what they drink is tomato juice.
Who in the hell drinks that dam much tomato juice? Russians. Go figure.
**Useless sidebar from Tash** If you didn't know, tomato juice spurts a bit when you pop the top. If you know me, you know that I am so prissy that I drink a lemon drop with a folded cocktail napkin around the stem of my glass because I hate for my fingers to get sticky from the sugared rim. Imagine my joy of opening 75 cans of tomato juice, each one spurting on my fingers, sleeves, apron, etc.
Anyway, I'm doing my beverage service and I ask a gentleman what he'd
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i'm too tired to google it... i'm at the bottom, can you see me? like to drink. He stares at me for a moment before answering, "Eh yesss, I would like to have eh... JOOSE!"
Hmm. Yes. Right. "And what
kind of juice would you like, sir?"
"Ehhh...JOOSE! Bitch!"
Did this fool just call me a bitch? "I'm sorry?"
At this point he looks at his big sweaty friend next to him, whose name HAS to be something like OTTO, because he looks like a small auto, and gestures to Otto for help. So Otto says, "Bitch! Joose! Bitch! Bitch!" And the two of them start gesturing wildly.
I start picking up cans of juice hoping that they will just pick one and stop calling me a bitch and finally it becomes clear to me.
"Do you mean PEACH??"
"YES!! BITCH!! BITCH!!"
"Ohhhhhh! We don't have peach juice. Sorry."
"OK. Yes. Eh... Tomato. And we will like to have some vodka."
Otto and his friend were not half as fun as the young Russian who could not speak English AND he stuttered. But I think he spoke more english than his friend, so his friend kept sending him back to the galley to get drinks.
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lenin's tomb. at least i know that much. But I won't tell you about him because I'll go to hell since it's not nice to talk about people who stutter especially when their eyes roll around with each stutter and they try to say tomato juice for me and my friend and can can can can i have the c-c-c-c-c-c-can.
And I will never forget the woman who came back in the galley every 10-15 minutes screaming, "I need VODKA! I would like to buy for to drink the VODKA!" Later on, she told me, "You have much pleasant about you!"
I wanted to say, "That's cause you're SLOSHED!" But I didn't.
Moscow is Moscow. And there are no black people in Moscow by the way. Except for one. And I got a picture of him because I want you to see the only black man in Moscow. I went to Red Square because if you go to Moscow, you're supposed to go to Red Square and I try to do what I'm supposed to do. Even though my mom will disagree. So I went, I took pictures, and it looks just like the postcards. I saw Lenin's tomb but I couldn't go in and see
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the only black man in moscow. for real. him. I guess I missed the quiet hours. I saw a whole bunch of stuff that looked important so I took pictures with it but I don't know what it was. I'm sure one of you will tell me what is what and mock my ignorance but so what, I was there and you weren't, so THERE!
And if I ever have to go back to Moscow, I'm content with staying in my hotel room and ordering room service because the salmon at the Renaissance was excellent. Surprisingly. But the bottled water tastes like shit. Which is probably why they drink so much tomato juice.
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That Girl Tam
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WOW~
LMAO @ ""Bitch! Joose! Bitch! Bitch!" I can just see the look on your face when he said "BITCH" the first time! HAHAHAHA!!! I have never had a desire to visit Russia...so thanks for the tour...be safe... Love ya!