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October 12th 2007

Published: October 12th 2007

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Hulkshaw

Glorious Globalization

The Warsaw Kultural centre - a gift from Uncle Joe, alongside McDonalds - a gift from Uncle Sam

Good God man - I know what needs to be done, but I dont have the balls to do it...

7am. The Captain, Professor (Kennah), and I had been up for approximately 19 hours without much food, water, or rest, not to forget we had spent the prior 9 hours raving (whatever the hell that means). So, what brilliant idea do we have? Lets head to Warsaw!!! On any conventional map, such as ours, this would take maybe a couple hours. UNFORTUNATELY, we're in Poland - the home of capitalism for a straight 19 years!!! Bravo!!

The Polish way of doing things is truly quite different than the normal, or to be more correct, the efficient way of doing things. Case in point: Tram drivers actually get out of the tram with a metal bar to move the tracks depending on what direction they are heading; screw automation! Case in point: there are no actual barriers protecting you between operating machinery (which is being used in an inappropriate way, mind you) and sidewalks. Get it? So our trip to Warsaw saw us travelling the Polish seas for about 5 to 6 hours. Ridiculous.

FORTUNATELY, the most beautiful Tim

Cask

Nothing like a mini-keg of beers with good friends: Tim Tait and Alicia K-------- (aka Bert)

Tait and his glorious Pollack crone were awaiting our arrival in central Warsaw. At which point I'd like to send out a MILLION thanks to Alicia and her family for allowing us to spend two nights and a fantastic meal at their place of residence. And Etna, Ill be seeing you soon you sexy beast.

We spent our time in Warsaw like any other would, at a German bar drinking from a cask. We were still recuperating from Wroclaw and so didnt really take in many of the Warsaw sights. After a couple days, it was time to Krack the whip in Krakow.

We ventured forth - the 5 of us in a 90 horsepower ford fiesta - and it basically took us all morning (6 hours?) to arrive in Krakow a measly 300km away. Alicia, being Polish, was a wondrous tour guide and managed to secure us residence at the Goodbye Lenin hostel. Nice.

But, being a former communist country, we had no time to rest as it was time to work and so off to the Salt mines we went, where much wall licking took place.

It was roughly at this point, that it

Alkohole

Its where alcohol goes

dawned on me that I hadn't been blackout drunk in quite some time. The solution? Triple Vodka Redbulls! Several triple vodka redbulls, actually. I dont remember the rest of the night - please let the pics tell the tale, but I was informed that I will be appearing in the National Geographics Can You Spot the Lemur? special in next months addition. But the night was not without its advantages, as I was able to teach my dear friends a lesson in patience by vomiting in the hostel entrance when they continuously tried to get me off the streets. Honestly, the things I have to deal with...

To say I was hungover the next day is an understatement. To say i was afraid of sunlight the next day is misleading. And to say I was unable to keep anything down is a gross misrepresentation. How to cure such feelings? Oh, by slaying dragons at the Dragons Den at Wawel Castle, of course.

And so ends our trip to Krakow...almost. There was one errand left to be run. We all felt so bad for Marco (the car) and all the driving he had to do, so we took it

Exquisite dining

Probably the best meal ever. It fed 5 of us luxurious meals, with a borscht opener and two bottles of Russian Sparkling wine - all for $30 each. God bless the Zoltron.

upon ourselves to buy him a shoe for 100 Zoltrans (Polish currency).

Next stop? Auschwitz!

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