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Published: September 29th 2007
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Spooky and Jase
Spooky wears the yellow t-shirt Now then peeps, where was i up to? Ah yes, Krakow.
Upon my arrival, after the kack train journey, i literally dumped my bags and went straight into the hostel bar. It was there that i was to meet the three southern hemispherers (Guru, Spooky and Jase) i would later affectionately term 'The Toxic Trio'. For those of you are unaware, this is in reference to the journalists description once given to Steve Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith who were dubbed 'the toxic twins' thanks to their ways with narcotics.
The first night saw me befriending the three, picking up the nickname 'Geezer' and joining in with round upon round of 'apple pie' shots and having a dam good go at sheesha despite my virgin lungs to the 'sport'. They were a really good laugh and helped me settle into a place which was completely different to home. At best, Krakow can look as picturesque as Prague in the main square. At worse, some parts of Poland look like the village Borat was born and raised in Kazakstan. No joke!
The following day i ventured out into the city centre. It reminded me a lot of Tallin
whereby the centre was full of ornate buildings and statues whereas those buildings unfortunate to find their way out of the city walls were unkept and quite dilapidated. I didn't spend too long wandering the streets before i found the lure of the hostel bar too much once again....
Once in the bar several new groups of people had arrived and joined the foray with myself and the toxic trio, the latter had begun to do what they they do best. It wasn't long before there was a big old group of us that ventured out into town to have one of the best nights i've had in ages. Everyone was a really good laugh and there were certainly some characters. The most profound of all of them was a Canadian chap by the name of Toby who we'll get to in a minute.
Just as the night was about to fissle out at around 3, and it seemed as though all the bars were closing, we were told of a little bar on the edge of town that was open til 6 so we thought we would give it a go. Big mistake! The 'club' could be
found at the end of a long corridor, down a flight of stairs, into a room that i imagine would be a suitable venue for an S&M club. Aside from a few who had clearly had too much to drink and were happily dribbling down themslefes around the outskirts of the room, we were the only ones in the club. It was then that in entered four huge Polish men that could easily have been mistaken for bears wearing leather jackets, except for one of them (this fact is important, so remember it). To be fair they were acting really shifty. As Toby went for a wander into the next room, one of them followed him, so then big Dave-o went to check on Toby, only to be followed in himself. At this point everyone wanted to leave, except for Toby. For some reason our Canadian friend was completely oblivious to the events unfolding around him and not only tried to speak to them in a number of different laguages, he also offered him a cigarette, for which our Polish bear took the whole pack. Just around then Dave-o went to get the door-men only to find they were waking
down the street ignoring his Ozzy slurs about four shady Polish blokes built like HGVs
At this point i think that any normal person would have left, and most of them did, except for Toby. Now, remember how one of the Polish guys wasn't wearing a jacket? Well he had this 'thing' down his back which at first we thought was a back brace. Only thing was it was sat about a good 8 inches off his back and was shaped like a giant Spatula. It was at this point, when numbers were down in the group, and the bouncers had gone, that Toby decided to starting touching and flicking the giant spatula whilst repeatedly asking 'What's this? What is it?'
How on earth he managed to keep his teeth is beyond me. Like a magician who's slight of hand is second to none, the lads from our group had managed to whisk Toby out of the club completely unscathed. It was a miracle. We were all beaming that we had just pulled off the trick of the century, but whilst we were walking away, something was wrong. Toby had gone missing. He was at the front door
The antipodeans
I was the only pohmmie in the whole group. of the club with the now present bouncer trying to get 'the last of his pint. It was then that i asked him:
'What are you doing? It's a miracle we got you out of there alive.'
'Yeah man but i left half a pint in there'
'Are you fuc*ing stupid?! They'l beat you to death with their giant spatuler/back brace if you go in there again!
'But it's half a pint dude'
Luckily the bouncer told him to sling his hook which he reluctantly did and that was thankfully the end of that! I'd just like to clarify that i don't think that Toby is a tit. Far from it in fact, he was a complete riot the whole night and made Krakow an absolute ball. He just might not be a full shilling that's all.
After going to bed for all of 3 hours I got a wake up call from the toxic trio who were now all thankfully back on planet earth. They hadn't had any sleep but were ready to go to Auschwitz NOW. I rolled out of bed straigh onto the coach feeling surprisingly as fresh as a daisy. 10 minutes in
Hostel crowd
More from the hostel join the lads. Thankfully at this point i was no longer the only Pohm (stands for Prisoner of Her Majesty apparently) however this was to change. I felt as sick as a dog! There were no windows, no air conditioning and i was sat next to a fat tubber who was doing more than enough to keep me super heated with his rolls of fat encraching on my arm. I nearly gipped 3 times and each time i narrowly stopped myself from spewing on each occasion. A look at my fellow trio made me happy i was not alone. They all looked terrible. This was to continue for an hour and a half. It was the longest journey of my life. This made the trip to Auschwitz even more difficult.
When all's said and done tho it was an incredible humbling experience which i shall never forget. The atrocities commited by the Nazis were truly astounding and hopefully keeping places like Auschwitz open to members of the general public will help to stop things like that happening again. It probably wont but it'd be nice to think it will.
Anyway, thanks for stickin with it to the end and hope you'll tune in next time for Jays adventures in Budapest. Until next time.
Jay
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George
non-member comment
Wot is going on??!!??
Jay, it is nice to hear you are having such a good time however I have a few points that I would like to make. To start, how come all the people you are meeting and getting to know are blokes? I have always suspected somthing. Next, there are some birds of the two legged variety in some on the last pics, who are they, and I know theres no point in asking but, did you? Come on Jay the people of GB are expecting great things of you. Its about time you pulled out the towel and gave it a dam good shake. Also as a personal request, please please no more pics of mens arses. Thanks in advance. George