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Published: February 17th 2008
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So, this entry is pretty depressing--just wanted to give a quick warning. You'll understand if you keep reading...I went to Auschwitz this weekend in Krakow, Poland. I am going to discuss a lot of what I saw, most of which is extremely disturbing.
A lot of people ask me why I would do such a depressing thing. When I sit and think about why I went, I tend to ask back to the person, "How could pass by this enormous, important piece of history when I am right next to it?" Yes, it was very depressing indeed, but one of the best things I have ever done. Auschwitz, a death camp to thousands of people in the Holocaust and one of the last places many of the men and women and even children saw before their death was an hour and a half from Krakow, and still remains, and looks just as it does in the history books. The barbed wire is up. The barracks are still in tact. Even one crematorium still remains. With four other girls from my program, we set up a guided tour and prepared ourselves for the most difficult, moving experience of our lives.
Just writing this entry sends chills down my body. I will never forget the drive to Auschwitz itself. After reading the book "Night" by Elie Wiesel about a man's experience in the Holocaust, I pictured exactly how it would have been for him on the drive to the camp. There I was in a warm bus with five layers on with gloves and a scarf, and back in the Holocaust, this man was shoved on to the back of a truck, overcrowded, with barely any clothes on, with dead bodies all around him. After arriving at the camp, the next image will never leave my mind: the main gate to the camp. It is one of the more famous photos of Auschwitz, and was the entry way in which lives would be destroyed. It has the saying "Work Makes You Free" engraved in the German language. To see the main gate was haunting. I thus began my journey where the feet of thousands of Polish Jews, gypsies and prisoners of war had stepped before.
Our first and most moving stop through the camps was Block 11. Known in history for being to the first building in Auschwitz to have
gas tested on the inmates, I walked through this exact building. It was scary. Terrifying. Astonishing. I poked my head through the tiny cells that prisoners lived in. I walked in the dungeon where the gas was released. I viewed the "Starvation Room" and the room where one priest sacrificed his life for another. I viewed the cell where people were to stand for hours until they could not stand anymore, as a form of torture. I also viewed the death wall outside the block. This is where some families were forced to watch other family members turn their face to the wall and be shot to death.
The next part of our tour consisted of viewing actual materials from those that went through the Holocaust. I saw an entire wall full of hair. I saw two or three walls filled with shoes. I saw walls full of children's attire. Perhaps the most disturbing was how many shoes there were, and the different sizes. My heart dropped when I saw the shoes of tiny girls and boys. My heart also dropped when I viewed the luggage room. The names of each person were on each piece of luggage. These
people lived their lives suffering, and here I was viewing the evidence that they had to die here, at the camp I was standing in.
I think the next part I'm going to talk about was the most traumatizing for me. I walked through the only crematorium in Auschwitz I and II that was not destroyed by the Germans. I felt like I was disrespectful, and that I should not have even stepped foot inside. We were lead into the main chamber where over 10,000 were gassed. We then stepped foot into the next room in the chamber where the bodies were burned. I could feel the eerieness and the spirits in the room. It felt wrong. There were still flowers and wreathes for those who were killed. Additionally, what was so disturbing about the crematorium was that across from it was the hospital for the SS Officers who controlled everything going on at the camps, and next to that was the HOUSE of the main SS Officer--and he lived with his wife and kids--across from where people fell to death everyday.
At the end of the Auschwitz I camp tour, we made way to Auschwitz II, the
camp for women, also know as Birkenau. This was exactly how a lot of people pictured the Holocaust. The conditions were a lot worse here for the people. There were four to five crematoriums, probably twice the size as the one I walked in (though they were all destroyed to get rid of the evidence), and everyone lived in barracks that were freezing cold, fitting up to 12 people in one twin sized bed. Also, the wash room had a maximum time of 30 min allowed to be open, so people spent probably just seconds washing up and using the bathroom, and were not allowed in at night. In the bunks, the sheets were never washed and infested with rats and bugs. The bunks were packed into the barrack very closely, and it was scary to think about how cold they must have been, and how dirty the conditions were. I had on two shirts, a sweatshirt, a coat, pants, a scarf, gloves and a hat, and was freezing. These people were often showered in cold water, forced to stand outside to be "lined up" and wore only pants and a thin shirt with no hair on their bodies.
The spookiest thing about this part of the tour was standing in the exact spot where people were "lined up" to be determined if they were fit enough to work, or if they should be killed immediately. Once again, it felt wrong to be standing where I was.
I know this entry is extremely depressing. I probably can't put into the right words how it felt to visit this place. I will never forget the tears streaming down my eyes after I walked out of the crematorium with one of my friends holding my hand in my coat pocket. We are given one life, and these people had theirs taken away from them. Even babies and little children. I am so thankful for my life and all that I have. Before leaving for Auschwitz, I was talking to my dad (who is reading this now) and went over why I wanted to go here. He and I came to a good conclusion: I went because I need to NEVER forget what happened in history. I went because I will strive in my life to make sure NO ONE forgets this, and that it NEVER happens again. I went because
of the personal experience of actually taking in this crucial historical even that lasted far too long. I went because I knew that if I did, my life would be changed. My life has changed.
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