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Published: September 30th 2007
Windmill
The only windmill that we really saw. False advertising I sayOur Voyage last saw us renting a Ford Fiesta in Frankfurt and heading north through Koln and Dusseldorf into the Netherlands. For these 4 hours we lived life in the fast lane - challenging our 90 horsepower beast on the Autobahn. We made it to 183km/hr, which for those in the know, is damn impressive for 90 steeds.
I will also note I had my first standard driving lesson in which the Captain said I did very very well...for first gear...in a parking lot...
And so I lead you to Amsterdam...the city of many paradoxes (paradoxi?). And possible blog names: AmsterDANG!!, Amsterdamned if you do, and XXX (which is actually their city flag...three X's, like serious there are XXX's everywhere...).
Much of our antics can go without saying (my folks are on this blog, don't tell them what people do in Amsterdam), but some must be said.
Many an epiphany was phoned in during our stay - I realized that storing your city's ugly Golemlike women in well lit boxes is a very practical and affordable way to keep them off the streets. Similarly, the word "cocaspeedex" is dutch for "Im going to try to sell you
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And they come pre-packaged! drugs in a city where you can buy anything you would want in a store prepackaged". I also learned it takes approximately 8-12 years before your peyote cacti are ready to be harvested for mescalin. And finally, i learned that if you don't wish to pay for sex, you are gay and have a small manhood.
So the captain and i explored the sights of the Red Light District in some length after we checked into the Bulldog Hostel - a MUST stay for any Amdam backpacker. The place had security doors, Risk, free soap, and a cranky old man kicking you out at 11am. These early wake-ups were normally extremely difficult as we had been up the whole night previous at an amazing pub crawl; or so I was told. I tended to lose the crawl and do my own. In fact, one of the nights my good friend, and fellow sailor, Mr Brendan Miller graced us with his presence and his 10 british girls. Well done lad, well done. So we spent the night speaking like pirates and causing random drunken tom-foolery before he made his way back home to Lieden.
My day voyage to various
Stroll
The Captain walks from our hostel (right) to the place where one could purchase drugs (left) parks and museums somewhat proved that the Red Light District is all there is to do in Amdam. I attempted to go see this Anne Frank's house, but unfortunately chose to do so on Yom Kippur and so it was apparently closed.
That night the captain and i chose to take in one of the Drama clubs' latest productions: Sex Show!! We were welcomed into a completely unseedy basement and then went on to watch several small sketches with such names as "banana show", "live sex", and "ribbon show". How exotic the theatrical arts of the Dutch!
Our final experience - as im sure some of you are aware - was the Heineken Experience. First and foremost let me inform you all of something: Heineken sucks. It is by far the most carbonated and most water like beer in all existence. It also happens to be the ONLY beer they serve in all of Amsterdam. No Grolsch, no Amstel (which aint great either), and so on. But alas, a beer tour is a beer tour - and this one, quite the experience!
Yessir, Amsterdam is a funny place, full of sex, drugs, and drugs, but also canals,
Safety first I
Hold your childs hand when going through tight, shadey alleys on your way to prostitutes. bikes, and modern art from what I gathered.
Before I head off to Belgium, I would like to sing an ode to our favourite restaurant, FEBO - the only place to eat when in Amdam.
Febo. Its open 24 hours and they focus only on Krockets.
Febo. They put their food in vending machines.
Febo. It costs a Euro twenty. A Euro twenty is all that I need......
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