Advertisement
Published: September 16th 2008
Edit Blog Post
Day 3 and 4 “One of us has to go”
I now have 2 hostel stds. I named one Larry and the other one Tom, which is my middle name, but it’s definitely a, “Tom,” hostel STD. I wonder if there’s an Albanian kid on the 6th floor writing in his journal who just named his STD, Brian…. probably not.
I have found 2 good uses for rain. One use is obvious, the use other is not. First rain makes everything here green, really green. From the grass, to the mold on the sides of white painted houses, to the moss that grows in the cracks of the Dublin city sidewalks. The second good use for rain is my own personal pleasure. I took grate satisfaction in watching all these asshole city-parking cops who have to work in this miserable rain everyday. The best is watching them get out of their little toy cars, walk up and down the block, checking cars on both sides of the street, get soaked and ticket not a single car. People with no souls, like traffic cops, or any cop, deserve worse, but for now the misery of their employment will have
Guinness Brewery
Standard yummy Guinness picture, we're such tourists to do.
Katie and Jason (friends from California) showed up this morning fresh from their England travels, well sort of fresh. I treated myself to a non-gravy covered breakfast. I tried black pudding, which is basically sausage made of pig’s blood. It’s as disgusting as it sounds.
It’ still raining.
We bought tickets to a hop on hop off bus tour, very trendy and touristy I know, but when it’s pouring rain out and the umbrella you’re borrowing has tiny holes in it, it’s a master plan. We saw some nice cathedrals and buildings and learned some history, yaaawwwnnn. I’ll skip all that and give you the good stuff; Oscar Wilde’s house, the lucky stone, and the Guinness factory.
Part 1. I Am Oscar Wilde
The best Oscar Wilde quotes I can remember; “I can resist everything but temptation,” “I drink to keep body and soul apart,” and “experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.”
When on our Oscar Wilde park and house visit I learned a hilarious story. Though I’ve heard and read two versions, I’ll give you my favorite. On his deathbed in France, these were
kegs
leaving kegs unattended overnight would never fly back home, i'd have a keg wall around the olivedome in a week Oscar Wilde’s last words, “that wallpaper is awful. One of us has to go.” He was very dramatic to the end. His deathbed quote is almost as good as Voltaire’s last words, “This is not the time to make new enemies,” upon being asked to renounce Satan before he died.
Everything in Ireland costs money, except using the toilet. If you want to look at the ocean from a certain cliff, pay me. If you want to put one little toe in a castle or church, pay me. If you want to email a friend back home a reminder that if she doesn’t take her medication by noon, she’ll die, fuck you, pay me. (cheers to anyone who caught the last paragraph’s “Goodfellas” reference). But toilets here, free. Free to everyone, even stinky annoying homeless people. You have to poop, no problem. In my, Bob Wags, and George Castanza’s quest to find the perfect and cleanest bathrooms, I finally have one that trumps Bob’s, “a brand new university building’s bathroom.” My ace in the hole…bathrooms in a castle, especially if the king or queen still lives there.
Part 2: The Sun Doesn’t Want to Dance With Me
World Wide Brellys
Find the Brelly love and win a prize Every time the sun shines for a brief second I attempt to chase her down and dance with her. So far this courting of nature’s sweetheart has failed every time. It’s like my 8th grade junior high dance all over again. I may try to sell mason jars of sunshine from California to suckers in Galway instead of getting a real job.
Tara and Katie like to take pictures in tiny, “hobbit,” doors, cause well, Tara’s a nerd and she’s short. I found a nice hobbit door attached to this castle that wasn’t on our map. The security guard was bored, nice and a wee bit lonely so he gave us a private tour. This would have been sweet but he had a wandering eye so when he would talk, his left eye would go diagonally left and my head of course would follow. He did let us touch the, “lucky stone.” For everyone who doesn’t believe in such things like lucky stones, sucka muh balls. 10 minutes after leaving the church I suggested we go sit upstairs on the bus and when Tara and me sat down, she found 5 euro.
Part 3: I’m Just Along for the Ride
We also hit up the Guinness brewery, besides it being a very average Guinness; the self-guided tour was pretty fun. I’d say more about it, but the tour took so long and we milked the time spent in the panoramic lounge, that we didn’t do the Jameson tour. The scales of importance on that one left me sad. It’s where I came up with my Europe trip motto, “I’m Just Along for the Ride,” which is almost as cool as John McCain’s “Straight Talk Express.” Please nobody vote for that asshole.
We also went to the oldest pub in Ireland called the Brazen head. Here I saw my first Guinness Book of World Records certificate on the wall, awarded to them for being so old. They let visitors put their countries currency on the ceiling after they sign it. In the pictures, please note the $1 bill and the Brelly love left on the pub’s ceiling. We’re nation wide bitches. I also had meat and gravy. Still delicious, still not bored of it.
We ended the night getting destroyed at a pub again. Redbreast is now the greatest affordable whiskey in the world. Jameson will still be my one true love, but Redbreast will be my younger and better in the sack nanny. I also like dancing here because it’s all crappy Euro disco and I can just stand there waving my arms and thrusting my crotch into the air. Every dance move here must include a pelvic thrust. It drives the ladies wild.
I can now honestly say I play more Sodoku than Conscie McNerney. There may be a sodoku table of medium difficulty inscribed on my tombstone so when people come to visit my grave they have something fun to do.
Today’s Irish tips; Dodgey means shady or bad, you can’t spit out cab windows, and no one, not a fucking sole gets tips here, except waitresses. Lech from Czechoslovakia is now my new favorite cheap beer. It’s the PBR of Ireland.
Advertisement
Tot: 0.251s; Tpl: 0.012s; cc: 6; qc: 43; dbt: 0.0551s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.1mb
shelley
non-member comment
BRELLY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is all.