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Published: June 18th 2005
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Dr. Feeling Good
Welcome to Dr. Feelgood's: Great Drinks, Attentive waitstaff, and the worst advice since Sandra Bullock passed on Million Dollar Baby. When we were in Amsterdam, the advanced word we kept getting about Athens was Dirty. Dirty, Dirty, DIRTY... I don't mean
Jennifer Grey Dirty, or
Tonya from Real World/Road Rules Challenge Dirty; I mean more like Manhattan dumpster diving on a muggy summer afternoon Dirty. With that kind of lead in, it was almost inevitable that we would land in Athens on day 5 of a trash workers strike... Yummy...
Several times during our (way to brief) 2-day stay, we'd be enjoying a cocktail when the shifting winds would treat us to a nice blast of moldy pita and soggy toilet paper. Honestly though, the smell was about the only complaint I had about Athens.
Flush with the pride of hosting an unexpectedly successful Olympic Games, the city was friendly and accommodating at every turn. Even when a malevolent cabbie tried to gouge us for a 35 Euro cab ride (when the meter price would have been 5 euro) he was gracious when we told him where he could stick the fare. That graciousness ended though when Jason rubbed his ass cheeks all over the cab's Mercedes Benz emblem... thus signaling the end to Gib's Athens Bachelor Party.
But let's These things always start with a smile...
Gib, Sung, Jason and John fortify themselves for a long night. start at the beginning shall we?
We started the Stag Party (as they call 'em over here) at Wunderbar, which on paper sounded like a slick, trendy Martini Bar serving food till 1 AM. When we arrived at 9, the kitchen was already closed so we downed our beers and headed across the street to a McGyro's and Things. In Athens, basically any sandwich you can think of is available ensconced in phyllo dough and baked. I went with the Tomato Sauce and Cheeseburger phyllo Pie. They called it the "San Francisco". Despite the effect ingesting this had on my colon, I don't quite get the SF connection and quite frankly, I'm a little offended.
After the food stop, we made our way to Dr. Feelgood, a bar/cafe with a decidedly butt rock/heavy metal theme to it. Our bartender (complete with Megadeath T-Shirt) loved that he had visitors from the land of the camel toe. He even bought us drinks because we were "Super Cool" USA Guys. After about 6 or 7 rounds of Ouzo and Kentucky Blue Grass shots (that’s Bourbon and Benedictine) we made the first tactical error of the trip.
Kids, if you ever
Papa Giorgio and the Groom
In the defining image of the Bachlor Party, Papa G and Gibby share a tender moment over 20 Euro Heinekens at Club Lido. find yourself in a dingy metal bar in a foreign country, do not (I implore you) ask the proprietor for directions to the city’s best strip club. In this instance Christos Christopholis (the name of all Greek bartenders) sent us to what he called, "Hands down, the best strip bar in Athens. The Perfect place for Gib’s last tango with bachelorhood."
I’d love to tell you that this place ended up being Kubla Kahn’s Xanadu or even a decent spot just west of the Garden of Earthly Delights. Unfortunately, what we found was heroin addicts shuffling out of this joint because it was too gross. I really can't say what left a stronger impression, the dark shabby room with its frayed carpet, the wobbly chairs or the ripped up booth cushions. The cabin/restaurant in the Goonies was nicer than this place... we kept expecting the Fratelli Brothers to jump out at any moment.
Despite being strong-armed into buying a round or drinks for the 3 middle aged dancers (and I use that term loosely) we were able to get out of the place otherwise unscathed.
After leaving the Disaster Dome, we ventured across the street to another
Game Over Man!
Bill Paxton's immortal words were never truer spoken... At 6:37, Sung helps Gib back to his hotel room. strip club called (in a twist of Irony) The Lido Club. While Lido in Dutch meant dingy gambling hall, In Greek it means "We Love Jason 'Papa Giorgio' Bustos". To understand the term Papa Giorgio, you have to have seen the movie Vegas Vacation. If you get the joke, you get the joke.
Once inside we were escorted to the best corner of their VIP area, treated to a bottles of their finest beer, and were constantly guarded by a bevy of Athenian beauties. I'd love to tell you more about our experience at Club Lido, but Papa Giorgio paid me a tidy sum to release only these details: Daddy likie, Gibby likie, et al. likie…
No one knows exactly what time we arrived at Club Lido, but even after more rounds than a Palestinian wedding procession, we all know what time we left:
Stat of the Day: 6:23
This was the time we left Club Lido and began waiting for a cab to our hotel. This pretty much leads us back to where we started: Jason's butt cheeks and a Mercedes Benz.
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