Tips for Using Mass Transit in Berlin

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Berlin has one of the best mass transit systems in Europe, if not the best. Everything runs on time or very close to it. (I get a big kick out of the Berliners who start tapping their feet and 'harumphing' when a train is five minutes late--where I live we get pretty excited if a bus is ONLY 15 or 20 minutes late!) There are two types of local trains in Berlin: the S-bahn which us supposedly the fast train system and the U-bahn which supposedly is the underground system. I've found that the S-bahn is often slow and the U-bahn often runs above ground so perhaps the names of these two systems came from a time when their descriptors were more accurate. Anyway, unless there is a strike (which rarely occurs in Germany) or repairs need to be made (as was often the case when I visited in 2009), these two systems are very reliable. Both local train systems work on the honor system. You buy a ticket or a train pass on the train platform or at one of shops that sell tickets and train passes, and simply RIDE. There's no turnstile like in Paris or some of the larger systems in the U.S. But there are train police ("Fahrschein") that conduct 'spot checks' at random and if you are found to be riding without the proper ticket, your goose is cooked. You will pay a large fine (60 Euros when I was last in Berlin). More deadly than the fine is the trip to the train policestation where you cool your heels for several hours among many of the downtrodden of Berlin--not dangerous, just sad.
Buses are a different story. They, too, are wonderfully prompt but often crowded. As with the trains, most buses are not airconditioned and this can be truly horrendous in the summer. Most of the windows on the buses don't open and many folks seem to be philosophically opposed to deoderant so bus rides are often hot, smelly and just plain awful in the heat of the summer. Buses don't operate on the same honor system as the trains. You need to show your pass or ticket to the driver when you get on the bus, although, truth be told, the drivers seldom even look at the passes. (Except the time when an unusually observant driver noticed that the pass I carried was only for the A and B regions of the city and I was getting on the bus in the C region in the outskirts of the city--no problem, though; I just paid the driver for the difference and counted myself lucky to get away so easily.)
I seldom ride the trams so I can't offer any tips on tram-riding except to say that they appear to be pretty fun. The are often several connected cars and skuttle along their tracks like big yellow centipedes, flicking their tail ends back and forth as they round the corners.

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