Why I Am Coming Back To Berlin

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June 18th 2005

Published: June 18th 2005

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jasonlefler

Just another huge original building

Because I couldn't even make a dent in my itinerary of sights to see. Because I want to learn German. Because it's so cheap. Because the food is good..and cheap. Because the people are nice, and if the're not, it's usually only temporary. Because it's so weird. Because it's such a schizo city. In parts where it appears it's most ugly, a backyard reveals a beach volleyball court, or huge courtyard garden, or underground superclub. Because where it appears to be most beautiful, it really is, even if there's no living depth. I could go on.

I went to the Sage Club on Thursday night, their famous rock night. Sage Club is located through a door that seems to indicate you're going into a U-Bahn station. Instead, you're greeted with several rooms of nightlife. There's the main dance room, bathed in red and playing dark techno, speed metal, hard rock and oh yeah, there's a dragon on the ceiling that shoots out streams of fire when the vibe is really going. Not my scene.

There's an outdoor area that has huge domed tents enclosing a lounge area replete with mod furniture. Adjacent are a row of picnic tables that

Backyard Garden Entryway

look straight out of a park in Santa Cruz if it weren't for the train running 10 feet overhead. Beyond that is a discofied lounge where it's strictly cocktails and fine threads. It's impressive.

I settle on the second dance floor, the rock and hip hop room. It's spacious, the vibe is very fun, and I can't imagine anyone being self-concious on the floor. Most everyone looks fabulous, but everyone, PERIOD, is dancing. There are people who thoughtfully consider each song transition. There are others who roam around finding new dance partners. There are others still who have elaborate dance floor code they signal to each other. Throughout, no one misses a beat.

It's a really f------ great time. It's everything I'd hoped for from a typical Berlin club. I come home at 5am. It's the latest I've been out so far, but I haven't been back to the hostel before 3 on any night.

The night before, I've been out to Maria am Ostbahnhof and Sternradio. Both require a little bit of recon to find their locations. Maria is down a dirt path opposite the Ibis Hotel. Sternradio is on the backhalf of the Sanyo building.

The Usual

A bear in a public park

Part of the fun is getting there. However, the other part of the fun should include good music and a decent ratio of men to women. I guess on Wednesday nights you take your chances. On my way home, I'm stopped by a young German at Frankfurter Tor, just minutes away from my hostel.

"Hallo, you speak Englisch?"
"I do. Are you okay?"
"I am so sorry. I am drunks. I drinks too much alcohol. "
"Oh, okay."
"I ams gay. I am lost and trying to get to Schönhauser Straße. Are you gay?"
"No, the U-Bahn and S-Bahn..."
"I am sooo drunks, I am sorry. The U-Bahn and S-Bahn are closed, I needs to take a bus or tram."
"I don't know what bus or tram. I have a map if it helps."
"I am gay. Did I say?"
"Yes."
"The U-Bahn and S-Bahn are closed I needs the bus."
"I am sorry, I don't know."
"You are gay?"
"No, I'm not gay. Also, I don't know what bus to take."
"I am so drunks. I have sex with mens they pick me up and then I leave their house and I am lost and want to

Touching this plant..

..left my arm covered in blisters! The next day they were gone. That's ever-changing Berlin for you.

go home."
"Oh. Maybe this man over here knows what bus you take...."

...

Hähnchen/Hühn/Hunchen = Chicken
Fleisch/Rind = Beef
Schwein = Pork
Ei = Egg
Aufmachen = Open this (useful when buying beer to drink on the street, like everyone else)
essstäbchen = Chopsticks
reis = rice
reise = travel
fahrrad = bicycle

...

It's becoming clear that I cannot sustain myself on bread products, water, juice beer and the occasional piece of fruit. Unless I find some travelling buddies with cooking skills, I'm going to have to break the bank to get some decent veggies into me. By the way, who told the Germans that that canned cord is an adequate replacement for salad dressing? That's just gross. At least cook it. I pray this Thai food will help until I can scam some good meals in BDX.

Also: if a meal is offered with soße, it's probably got mayo in it. I distrust soße more than I distrust SoBe, which is saying a lot. Have you seen that milk drink? Nasty!

Lemongrass Thai Food Simon Dach Straße, just off Boxhagenerstraße.
Made me feel like I was i some sort of Berkeley/Berlin/Bangkok

Cartoonish Building

I snuck onto someone's houseboat to get a better view of this one

timewarp. The food is REAL and it's light. Veggies. I needed this. Too bad I accidentally ordered fried rice.

Cafe Ehrenburg Ordered the Milchkaffee here on Jen's recommendation. YOU WIN THIS ROUND, GREENE! After the night of the 14th, I'd desperately needed something to yank me back into the world of light. As far as the coffee, it's divine. It looks like a latte that's been blistered with chocolate. It's mellow, smooth and no bitterness whatsoever. I don't even have to think while drinking it. It's very therapeutic at this point. The vibes post-puke are pretty raw.

I am having a Kaylee moment.

I am looking at pictures of cheese to make myself hungry.

The weather is really messing with my head. It was absolutely blazing until 5pm and by 7pm it's practically flood warnings. Scooted over to B'hagnerplz to get some Turkish Coffee and a wrap. Thank heaven for this coffee. One, for dusting off the cobwebs on mein gehirn, but also for dusting off the cobwebs elsewhere. A balanced diet is ESSENTIAL to a successful trip.

...

Karl Marx Allee - This is Stalinist urban planning. An industrial strip running East-West, six lanes

I'm not drunk

The lawn is. Potsdamer Platz

wide, plus two bike lanes, mammoth median area, and the sidewalks are about 30 feet wide. When you finally get to the buildings, they're a minimum of 7 stories high, suitable for 10 business each plus several hundred apartments. This pretty much stretches for miles, each block covering about a third of a mile. There's enough living space for all of Germany on this street! It's not really beautiful in any way, but it is HUGE. Actually, I have to give the commies some credit. They know how to do a bike path.

The 14th

I'd rather not remember the night of June 14th, 2005. This is fortunate, considering the unpleasant images still remaining in memory are few and far between.

I remember thinking at one point that there is such a thing as too much cheap sekt (german sparkling wine).

There are some clubs hidden deep in an industrial park near Boxhagenerplatz. I know this much. I'll be damned if I could tell you where they are.

I remember being shaken awake at 3am, told that the area I was sprawled in was scheduled for evacuation. I followed a stream of talkative clubbers out

A Church-Museum

Impressive!

to Revalerstraße and lumbered back home. I had the presence of mind to remove my shoes, belt, jacket and glasses before teetering into bed. Nice one, Jason.

TIPS

1. At the Globetrotter Odyssee Hostel, you can get a much pimper shower experience if you go to the wing with the single and double rooms, instead of staying in the dorm room ghetto. Their Dubcees are nicer also.
2. Great Clublistings available at 030 Magazine Online.
3. Another good site for English Speakers is New Berlin Magazine.

...

DIE AUFERSTEHUNGSKIRCHE
Hey now, that's a very pretty building. The dune grass is what really makes it. Oops, I'm looking at the side of the building. Holy crap! Is that a fox? Maybe it's just a feral dog. Oh gross! It's going into the graveyard across the street. Oh...it's just a simple headstone merchant.

BONUS

Fat German Man in Black Leather Sweating on His Scooter Outside the Judisches Museum!

BOGUS

One of My Roommates Is A Manchild Who Snores Like A Mewling Cat!

MY BERLIN BIKE ROCKS

*1920's Swiss Army Bike
*Covered In Cobwebs
*Cowhide Seat
*No Shocks At All
*Cowhide Bike Bag full of beat up Bike Repair Tools
*Front Light

Benzos

Mercedes Benzes are omnipresent around government buildings

Powered By Wheels
*Black with tasteful Swiss Army Logo
*Three different Breaking Mechanisms
*Always the Coolest Bike at the Bike Rack
*Rare because too expensive to send to Switzerland for repairs
*Germans stop and ask ME for directions now!

June 13th, 2005

How did this molten wax get on my arms?

I think I've found one of the holy grails of fruit preserves: pineapple jam. It's sitting there, inconspicuously enough, among the assortment of goodies available at the all you can eat breakfast at the hostel. Feeling flush with luck, I dig through the basket for other rare jams. Perhaps bilberry, or miracle fruit???

Excavation of the jam basket reveals untold horrors: Milk Flavor. Chive Flavor. Garlic Flavor.

What the hell is wrong with these people?? I'm ready to vomit. I'm sticking with my Pineapple Jam, thankyouverymuch. I open the lil packet to discover it's mild mannered pineapple cream cheese. OF COURSE.

You can call off the bombing raid. That said, pineapple cream cheese is criminally bad.

...

All I can say about Volkspark Freidrichshain is that there's nothing at the top of Volkspark Freidrichshain. You go all the way up the

Giant Seesaws

Potsdamer Platz

hill on that curling path and there's a big concrete plaza filled with Absolutely Nothing.

I desire the Reichstag dome. Why is the wait always so long! ARGH

The all-glass dome with a 360 degree tornado style view of Berlin will be mine. It's
ßuper ßweeet.

...---...

I wuv exploring. There is the sense that your mind could be comprehensively blown if you made this turn here, or maybe if you kept going. There's no expectations and it's better that way. Mental note: return to the Planetarium. I just know the Germans gotta do a bomb-ass Planetarium. It's totally up their alley.

Protest on Prenzlauer Allee

What is this all about? That is one massive police escort! Of course I'm going to follow it and see what's up.

PROTEST FACTS

They are against the HARTZ-4 legislation.
They broke out into a multichoral rendition of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", presumably with altered lyrics.
One of them can beatbox pretty well.

I biked ahead of this spectacle and made notes of the schedule at the Planetarium. I heard an approaching storm of Salsa Music! The protesters were playing it

Charming Playground

through their P.A. You couldn't NOT notice them. I found it truly funny. And yet, I knew that I would be sick of it within minutes and turned down a sidestreet. Gotta keep moving. Off to Bordeaux.