Lemon Meringue Pie!

---

I am writing my own personal journal-type thing and then I am taking excerpts/whole entires that I want to share and putting them here. So they might not all be dated correctly..just an FYI.

So it is Tuesday, September 9th. Oh I just realized that in two days it will be September 11th…I wonder if French people do anything or really notice the day. Obviously it is really significant for Americans and the French know of it all but since they didn’t really join our war effort I think that not many of them will really care. It will be one of those things that will be interesting to see from an American perspective.
Anyway..I wanted to write about my first general impressions of Aix. I have been meaning to write more or before this but I have just been doing so much and am so tired. It is 11:30 right now and I am really tired but I’m writing anyway because I have a lot of thoughts.
Firstly, (and most recently) I had a really great conversation with my host sister, Justine. She helped me negotiate talking to her mom about figuring out her work schedule for when she would be home for dinner and when she wouldn’t and what I should do for dinner when she’s not here. So that was helpful..but at the same time I still did most of it so it wasn’t like she was ‘talking for me’ , which would not have been productive for my French. She thinks its really cool that I speak a lot of French and that I like to write words I learn down and want to really actively learn the language. She speaks really good English, better than my French for sure, but she does the same as well - I teach her phrases/words/pronunciations and she appreciates it. I just taught her ‘get my pimp on’ and it was HILARIOUS because she kept using it wrong at first and now she LOVES the phrase! Haha! She has just come back from traveling the word (Australia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand) and was planning on going to law school when she suddenly had a change of heart and decided she wanted to be a speech pathologist. She taught English in Asia and really liked it and decided she wanted to do something along those lines for her job. How cool!
She and I had a conversation about how I and she always studied and pushed ourselves to do academic things because it is really logical and it gives you job security but how we would really maybe rather do creative things with our lives. My painting class started today (which I’ll talk more about later) and so many of the professors said that they came to Aix as beginner art students/travel abroad students and the environment/experience/painting changed their lives that they stayed here forever. I could really kind of see myself doing that..and it is my fourth day here! How crazy! But deep down I would love to paint/do crafts or something creative for the rest of my life (I secretly want to be a gourmet cake decorator like Duff on a Ace of Cakes..which is filmed in Baltimore!) I can always have creative hobbies even if I choose an ‘academic, stable and logical’ career path, so there is always hope for an artistic life! All of the nature and art around here just really inspires me. I derive a lot of tranquility and spirituality (including meditativeness..I just made that word up) from nature and the walk out to the Marchutz school where I am taking art was crazy long but it was beautiful! I think I will learn to like it as I get used to the walk. I may still take the bus though and look at the beauty from afar sometimes haha. But it is weird to think that I am taking the same walk that Cezanne did! It is really crazy but it is next to the studio where Cezanne painted. Mr. Marchutz (whom the school is named after) was a contemporary of Cezanne and my teacher was a student of Marchutz. I will be learning third generation from Cezanne himself! How crazy is that! I’m walking the streets he walked (both in town and in the natural area outside of town where the art studio is). And just 200m away is the Mt. St. Victoire that he painted over and over and over again very famously. I’m living right there! I can see it on my walk to school! In a bit we are going to go up there and paint it ourselves! Oh mon dieu! I think that is possibly the thing I am most excited for in Aix (besides the general growth and acculturation)..this painting class. For teaching me real painting which I’ve wanted to learn for a while, for getting me so close to the style of art that inspires me most, and also for awakening the true artist in me (or at least I hope).
I think I am an artist..I think a true artist sees the world differently than other people. They see the beauty in small, mundane things as well as the great, obvious things; they see colors and shapes brighter than others, and they see the world through different mediums than others. They said the art class would be a lot about seeing and insight - I think that that should summarize my approach to my time here. I want to see everything and take it all in and analyze how I feel about it and how I feel about myself in relation to it. I think that the best personal growth comes from forcing yourself to adapt to new things, confront scary things and pushing yourself out of you comfort zones - for there you see how well you cope with the difficulties that are thrown your way. Do you crumble under pressure or do you prevail? Do you find a way to see what you want to see, say what you want to say, and find a way to be understood? Or do you just give up and go home? I’m young and I don’t know much about the world yet but I know that I never want to be someone who gives up and goes home! So give me challenges and I will find a way though them. Not around them but through them - I think there is a great distinction between the two. I think that to get around a problem does not truly address the issue at hand; it may be just a shortcut to alleviate the uncomfortableness at the time but does not really solve or teach you anything. To get through a problem requires active participation in your world and a constant sense of self and search for self (for one cannot be without the other and the continual cycle encourages constant evolution of a person). To get through a problem you have to know yourself, test yourself, push yourself, and reward yourself. If you go through a problem then it becomes an experience on which to reflect, thus encouraging growth. If you merely get around something you have nothing to reflect on and you have done yourself a disservice!
So give me lemons and I will not make lemonade, for that is too easy and too commonly done. I already know how to make lemonade. Give me lemons and I will make lemon meringue pie! That will be a new and rewarding adventure (plus I want to be a gourmet baker, remember? :D)

ps- I wrote this on tuesday (it is now thursday) and last night I had a bad bout of homesickenss. I had to remind myself of what I had written here and tried to use it to make me stronger. I looked at it to realize that even though I may have a moment of weakness I am an encredibly strong person and it is not the small setbacks that shape you but how you deal with them and your overall attitude. Those are what will get me through..in France and anything in life. Sometimes you just don't know how powerful your own words can be to yourself! For that and many other reasons I'm really glad I'm writing a lot while I'm here!

---