Ometepe, Nicaragua - American Adventures 2015 (Part 6 of 9)

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The trip from El Salvador to Nicaragua took 15 hours in total. They had movie screens to entertain us however the driver kept teasing us and only played 5 minutes of a movie, then changed it ... over and over and over. Sometimes he'd play the sound of a movie and turn the monitors off ... such a tease.

There were 4 border controls to go through as we went from El Salvador to Honduras then Honduras to Nicaragua. This time we gave our passports and money to the driver and he handled all the paperwork. The only hassle I got was the security guard who came on the bus and was asking me what all the bulges were in my pockets and wanted to get his hands in every hole available (pockets). I had no interest in visiting Honduras as I was running out of time and it's the place tourists least tend to visit. If I had more time I would have gone as I hear stories about the dangers there .... which means it's probably peaceful and super-friendly. Zooming straight through Honduras we arrived into Nicaragua. The 1st step was to go through tents where local women were asking questions about our age, profession, etc and writing this down. It felt like we came out of a war zone with nurses in tents questioning us. One of the questions was about any medical symptoms we are bringing into the country, such as Nausea ... and one of the options was "eruption in the body". If that guard on the bus had put his hand deeper into the front pockets, I may have had to declare this to be the case.

When I arrived at my destination in Nicaragua I checked into the hostel and went for dinner. I loved the vibe in that area of Managua, pimped out fast & furious type vehicles, Christmas decorations at roundabouts when it's not Christmas, fun peeps who like to chat, very beautiful women, locals speaking English and using words like "dude", USD possible for currency as well as local Cordoba. I was only in Managua for 1 night and was entertained by the guy working on reception. Roberto was such a joker and provided laughs all night ... example, 2 female travellers come in looking for rooms and one of them is being grumpy, so Roberto tells her she needs to get laid and stop being a b!tch ... they got a room in the end.

Whilst I was chilling with Roberto a couple came in and asked if they could hide an object in the hostel. After chatting with them more about it I was introduced to Geocaching, where people hide 'treasures' all over the globe for others to find. These guys wanted to hide something with the mission of getting somebody to find it and return it to Belgium within a year. Sounds a bit pointless ... but fun.

After some rest I woke up ready to start my long journey to Ometepe island, the real reason I was visiting Nicaragua. A taxi, 2 hour bus, another taxi, 1 hour boat, another 3 hour bus and I was at my destination, Hacienda Merida on Ometepe Island, overlooking 2 volcanoes and the sea. Finding the hostel should have been easy but that isn't the way my life works. I saw the words "Hacienda Merida" on a hammock in somebody's garden and assumed that was the place, not realizing the hammock was a gift given to this family by the Hacienda .... so I not only walk into this house, I go up into the bedroom, open the door, put my suitcase down and tell the woman folding her underwear on the bed that I'm staying the night .... I received a horrified look ... but after a while she understood I was supposed be in this other place and she guided me in the right direction.

The hostel was a farm ... and I mean a proper farm, pigs, cows, buffalos just floating about, creepy crawlies, no windows in hostels, a very simple village life ... it was a great place to unwind. They had a local festival going on where people just circled a cow holding hands and skipping away. People were swimming in the sunset with volcanoes in the backdrop, wowww ... just wowww. They only had 1 bed left that night so I claimed it ... and it was a matrimonial bed so I got to sleep like a king ... or queen. Others who came later weren't so lucky so they stayed in tents outside or if they had no tent, then paid $10 to sleep in hammocks.

As I was checking in I saw a sign for a massage, and as per usual after a long bus journey, I needed some greasy lovin .... the usual massage woman was away but the receptionist found another local who said she will only do massages here at the hostel. Ok, no problem, I booked it in for after the buffet dinner. That was the 1st mistake .... never ever ever EVER get a massage after stuffing your face on a buffet. As soon as I finished my meal the woman showed up and I took her to my room (yes it sounds seedy but it wasn't). I had the kingsize bed in a dorm room with another 4 bunk beds, but nobody was about, so I stripped down and let he work her magic. She was greasing up the bed well and good when the other travellers started returning into the room ... which was an uncomfortable moment ... for them. They'd walk in to witness a groaning Pakistani and a Nicaraguan on top of him bending him in all sorts of directions ... and they'd not be sure whether to come in or not ... I made them feel welcome and told them they could enter .... and watch. Ps these groans were not groans of pleasure ... but pain ... when you've eaten 3 people's worth of buffet, are lying face down and someone pushes down on you with force ... f^ck man it hurts so bad ... this was an uncomfortable massage. Actually when she finished and I had to walk outside to pay her ... I couldn't walk ... something was broken (and took a month to repair). Food + greasy massage = no no.

The next day I decided to walk up one of the Volcanoes to reach San Ramon waterfall. I knew this was going to be a mission and I wasn't in the best physical condition. Others were telling me it's fine and they'd do that in the morning and some other hardcore activity in the evening ... so off I went. First it was a 45 minute walk to get to the entrance of the waterfall, then buy a ticket and go up. It was 2pm and I asked the guy how long it takes to get up .... he said 1.5 hr up, 1.5 hr down. When I asked what time the entrance gates shut he told me 5pm .... so basically I had enough time to go up and come straight back down, no chilling at the top. For this reason I decided to go at it fast .... oh man it was horrible. I kept collapsing, making horrible noises as I was going up the mountain, cursing the mountain and life in general ... telling Nicaragua this wasn't fair. At one point I collapsed on a steep slope and just lay there making really f^cked up sounds ... the travellers coming back down the mountain must have thought a cow was getting abused in the anus ... those kind of sounds were coming out of my unfit breathless mouth. But I knew I had to make it so off I went with temporary tourettes. I ended up collapsing again at some point and just sat there for 20 minutes ... not realizing I was 60 seconds away from the waterfall. When I got up there I realized it wasn't worth it ... not exactly a waterfall ... a little puddle of water and a drip coming from above .... quite high but I've seen better. Still, I made it, so a quick shower to cool down and then I started to go back down .... conscious of the lack of time. I made it just before they closed the front gates, despite getting lost at one point and ending up in thick jungle (and it was getting dark).

Being the last night before moving on, I enjoyed the final buffet ... made more friends and relaxed by the pier. As I was chilling to trance music watching the clouds, I saw something which saddened me. A fisherman was on the edge with his rod trying to catch fish .... and he caught a tortoise. He picked it up by its neck and started shaking it about, then picked up a rock and started mashing it up until it stopped moving, then cut it up with a knife ... it was horrible to watch ... cute turtle brutally whacked.

I put this thought out of my mind and got some rest ... not much rest, I could still hear the dancers skipping around the mooing cow from a distance.

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