readership On the other hand, at least ME has shown grace by welcoming aboard new blog correspondent ASDF. To that person I also extend a welcoming hand. Wonder what the poor sod makes of all this. As for GA ("Be Prepared"), I have no doubt that he will be sufficiently organised to catch up on his reading toute de suite. There is something decidedly fishy about a lately arrived "Canadian" RO'C ("Fares Please"), but I suspect he will have better luck deciphering this nonsense than ASDF.
standards Take no notice of JC?? Take no notice? What an appalling sentiment. What outrageous advice. What reckless irresponsibility TC. Lloyd Smith cannot be allowed to wander untethered across Europe leaving a trail of broken hearts and destruction and woe, distraught young maidens in his wake. What does he think he is .... a viking?? Even they ceased such heartless behaviour by about the 12th century. We are civilised, educated men. This is the 21st century, a time of gentlemanly enlightement, our behaviour a bright beacon of hope and a shining example after the excesses of post modern 20th century hedonism. Certain standards of propriety are expected of us. Otherwise, we are no better than the French! Good travels sir.
The Schlock Boat You and your big mouth, Lloyd. You just had to keep highlighting
that scurvy dog of a sketch comedy show. Now that 'Big Brother'
has been canned 10 will be looking for a replacement to fill 120
hrs of programming. Sounds like their Portuguese counterparts have plenty in the archives they can off-load. With the Olympics about to dominate our screens, they could do worse than put The Voyage of the Double Entendre on against a certain ratings winner. Good to see you are starting to get locals leaving messages on your site. You might even alert them to sights they are not even aware of. Must try and track down some of this fabled Bock you speak so highly of. If I do and end up in the headlines, I'll merely 'Blame it on the Bokanova.' By the way, you must try a Portuguese custard tart. The local Safeway started selling imported European pastries recently and said sweet was the pick of the lot. Also, you never passed judgment
on the local port you sampled not long ago.
It's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire This blog continues to grow in popularity. Wecome to ASDF, Coimbra resident and honorary Melbournian. Among other readers who are here but have not yet left messages are GA (consistently 20,000 words behind everyone else, hence unable to participate in the cheery banter) and RO'C, who has recently returned to Melbourne after four years working on a fishing boat in Novia Scotia. The South African government has failed to deny claims that Nelson Mandela himself is an avid fan, and Buckingham Palace has issued a statement about something entirely different. Still, it makes you think, dunnit?
Magoo Musings Take no notice of JC, he’s just hanging off your illustrious coat-tails Lloyd, trying to get a free ride without the associated inconvenience; just as he did in Adelaide in 1977. And take no notice of ME. He’s just after his own little slice of the action when you become rich and famous. Also take no notice of me, either. I just rabbit on and on saying nothing, making feeble jokes, playing with smoke and mirrors, trying to fill up space in this yellow bit down here at the bottom of the screen. Let’s face it we’re all green with envy at the only one, true World Traveller among us. We’re not worthy, Lloyd. Your blog shines like a brilliant beacon to armchair travellers across the globe. There are literally thousands of internet landlubbers who daily devour your highly-wrought prose and accommodation insights. These same readers return again and again to these prodigious pages seeking knowledge, redemption and the occasional giggle. And lo, I’ve thought of a new name for your new book ‘Migration of the Magoo’?
It was one of Wilde's! You have to hand it to TC, he's always in there with the innovative concept. A novella, Terry? Where on earth did you come up with that one? It's a good idea, I must say. Drinking port, eh Lloyd? When in Rome, I suppose... On an educational note, Coimbra appears to be pronounced something like Koo-i-bray (Koo rhymes with shoe, short i, the r rolled slightly). Is that how the locals say it? Maybe a short pronunciation note would be in order in these exotic places you visit. I must say that Coimbra certainly looks like one of the more attractive places you've been. Maybe if you pick up on TC's highly original observation about the amount you've written and turn it into a book, you could have some colour plates. Then I could have a spotter's fee, too!
tenancy I hate to admit it Lloyd, but I'm afraid Terry is right. That poor 'Gun Waitress' in Lisbon is no doubt heartbroken. She clearly had been making very special arrangements for you at great personal risk - employment opportunities are somewhat rare in Portugal for attractive young women outside the sphere of TV comedy sketch shows - and I think it rather churlish of you to treat her so. Her plans for a blissful future with you are now obviously in tatters. It really is too bad. If I recall correctly, I may have already offered you advice regarding young Euro women. You must take notice and take care Lloyd Smith. On the subject of tenancy, I am not surprised you have had trouble with some of your accommodation staff. Alas, tenancy never was your strong suit. It seems you have never really recovered from your less than idyllic relationship with the Mary Ave slumlord who went by the name of Williams. Even now, I feel your blood pressure rising as I mention the name. Perhaps your intercontinental experiences might temper your attitude to some of the erstwhile land slags who took such miserable advantage of you, allowing, if you will, a more worldly perspective of such creatures. Or not. Onward, my itinerant hero!
Word Count Concern Lloyd, I have to be straight with you. Friend to friend. Man to man. There's been a noticable decline in your daily word count recently. Each new installment gets shorter and shorter. At the same time, I'm concerned that your intake of liquid refreshment is getting taller and taller. For instance, your most recent episode is a mere 300 words? Now, any serious travel writer can knock out at least 1,000 words a day. So come on man, lift your game! If you seriously claim the title of WordSmith you need to do more than tapdance around that keyboard when it suits you! After all, I subscibe in good faith to this journal. It provides me with my daily meat and potatoes travel serve. But lately you've been feeding me blog biscuits. ;)
The Blind Tourist Lloyd, you know this blog of yours is very quirky. Very quirky indeed. It’s definitely not your usuual travel journal. In fact, some people have made a good living (e.g. Bill Bryson) writing the very kind of stuff you’re tapping out right now. Have you thought of gathering up these musings into a novel ‘The Blind Tourist’?
Probably sell like hot cakes. Forget that screenplay! You’ve already got enough words here already for a small novella. Paste it all into Microsoft Word and send it off to McMillan in the UK, then sit back and wait for the royalty cheques to flow in. And don’t forget my spotters fee.
Noise Abatement Issues I just knew that your dinky attic room with rotating hatch window was too good to be true! Damn! Obviously the reason why it was so cheap was that it formed part of the local soccer training pitch. I’ve been reliably informed that there’s a large sign at the top of the stairs which you may have missed, Lloyd. It reads: ‘Matches commence here at 10 PM every night. Players please be considerate of hotel patrons but because they’re getting rooms el-cheapo, feel free to make as much noise as you wish.’ And Lloyd, here’s a tip, when you ask the price of a hotel room in future you should ask if there’s a noise abatement regulation in force after 10 pm. I can just see the Hotel Manager, a ‘la Basil Fawlty, explaining it to you thus: ‘Sir, you may have the room for twelve euro per night. And, if you wish to sleep during the night, then of course there would be an additional charge. Also, if you prefer no loud noises around 6 am, then a further fee is also applicable. Of course, I cannot take any responsibility for other Hotel guests moving large pieces of furniture around in their rooms at 3 am. I trust this policy this meets with sir’s approval?’, as he rubs his hands together and smiles greasily. Now, just when are you going to get a break for crying out very loud? Somehow I feel good things are just around the corner for you, Lloyd. YES! Your run of bad luck is about to change. A lucky break is coming your way. Something good is about to happen. It may be only a small thing like getting on the right bus but it will happen sooner or later. And when it does Lloyd, you should punch the air in victory and let out a triumphant whoop, ‘Correct Bus, Yes!!’.
And here’s a another tip: Make sure you have an adequate stock of Bock stashed away for those 3 am furniture moving sessions in the room directly above yours.
Blind man in the tower And you have most excellent digs high up in the tower of some old boutique hotel? Dinky sloped ceiling and ricketty old bed? Panoramic view out your rotating hatch window? Ah, now that’s more like it, my son! You’ve scored well there, Lloydly. Twelve euro a night for all that ambience and character? Now that’s what I call a bargain basement price for an attic. Now that you’re organized an abode, it’s time to get out there, get involved with the local color and start building your word tally on your blog. All of us here in ‘Comment Corner’ eagerly await your next installment.
watch your step Fuck the Kokoda Trail. Why don't they send some of our rough and tough AFL footballers up those mountainous inclines of steps in the pre-season? Guess there wouldn't be enough iron lungs in Portugal to cater for the carnage. I know Portugal has a small population, but where are all the people? Were they filming one of those apocalyptic horror movies set in the future? And as for you looking twenty years younger in one of the photos, admit it, Lloyd; Portugal is the plastic surgery hub of Europe.
History of the town OK, so now we’re in Coinbra. I had to look this up on a map of Portugal and I’m surprised to see that it’s inland and not seaside where I thought you preferred to find your digs. I did some research on the city and discovered that it’s a city containing important archeological remains of structures dating from the time when it was once a Roman town. Apparently there’s an aqueduct around there somewhere. Coinbra is also a major cultural centre and is home to the University of Coinbra. This uni is one of the oldest in Europe. So you can close your eyes Lloyd, and imaging that you’re back in 1975 at LaTrobe except that there are more Frodos. I also was able to find out how the town got its name: ‘Coinbra’. During the middle ages there was an annual competiton held in the town. The women of of the town would all stand with their backs against a wall and the men and boys would toss small coins at them with the object of landing one in the cleavage area. This is also where the phrase ‘tosser’ comes from, sadly, now pejoratively used. The winner of the ‘Coinbra’ was allowed to take his pick of the women to take home with him. Some felt that the prize was more a ‘booby’ prize. In recent years, the spelling of the name ‘Coinbra’ has become corrupted and you often see it spelt incorrectly as ‘Coimbra’ but most of the locals still refer to it by it’s original name. Listen carefully when they pronounce it and you will hear ‘Coin” rather than ‘Coim’, as the word coim obviously makes no sense at all.
The last slice of cake This journal of yours Lloyd continues to amaze. Here you were firmly ensconced in Lisbon and without so much as a ‘bye-your-leave’ when you suddenly up and traipse off to Coinbra. There I was anxiously anticipating more news (and words) from Lisbon and you pull the rug out from under me! And I’m not the only one surprised by your sudden move. I’m sure that a certain Gun Waitress is just as flabbergasted as I am. She had taken more than just a fancy to you, Lloyd. Remember that cake and coffee she served to you even though you hadn’t ordered it? Well, it was her way of saying: ‘Come live with me here in Lisbon and have my babies, Mr Smith.’ I’m astonished you didn’t twig! Now she’s pining in her café with a slice of cake and no-one to serve it to. It’s just like you to love ‘em and leave ‘em. Seriously, it would be interesting to know why you move from one place to the next? There was not a hint in your Lisbon journal to suggest a move was imminent. *nasal voice* Please explain.
Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime! I am fascinated by the "Pensao International Residenial", which I translate as "Hotel in another country where residence is denied". Coming straight after the comment about it being in the same "ball pack" as other hotels, I can only conclude that your hovercraft is full of eels.
posterity Nice one Lloyd. Would you like me to locate a Britney Spears DVD and inter it in a time capsule vault? Happy to do so. Where to next O Fearless Trudger?
Word Count - 7,000 Lloyd, you've clocked up 7,000 words on Lisbon to date. This is well short of your TravelBlog World Record of 10,000 for Agadir. I suspect that you may be a tiny bit blogged out in Lisbon? OK, take a time-out from your blog. Get out there and just do it. No need to tell us your every little frustration in painstakingly sordid detail. Travel is for those who need to travel, not for those who need to sit in Internet Cafes.
And yet, oh and yet! I feel that you can still summon up the blood for a 3,000 word final spurt to the finish line. Once you get a full head of steam there'll be no holding you back. Come on Lloyd, you can do it! Now put that glass of Bock down, wrap those fingers around that worn-out, old keyboard and start tapping away...YES! OH YES!
Castle Jorge Apologies Lloyd, I re-read your Blog just now and of course there's a full description of your visit to Castle Jorge right there staring at me. *Smacks Forehead*. Sorry! Also took another look at that photo of you smiling in the red T-Shirt. You look to be about 25 years old in that pic? Full head of hair, no grey. Slim and trim. This trip is taking years off your age! Maybe that Bock beer is called 'Super Bock' for a very good reason?
Your Photos Are Pixilated Lloyd, some of your photos are pixilated and cannot be viewed? Not sure what the problem is but it's a shame for crying out very loud. Have you remembered to take the lens cap off while snapping away? Some of your photos work very well indeed. Your castle Jorge photos are particularly interesting yet you don’t mention visiting a castle at all in your blog? Did you actually go there or did you lend your camera to some Japanese tourists for the day? Actually, I was pleased to see a snap of your good self looking suitably pissed in a red T-Shirt. Looks like you have lost some weight, my boy. Keep it up! Must be all that walking and that liquid diet of yours?
*smokes pipe* Remember, don't mock the Bock! *puff puff*
Well, we 'ad it tough... Lloyd, I hope you are now well enough to start getting out and about and reporting Lisbon a bit more. As you can see, the lack of serious action in your travels has left us here in Comment Corner with nothing to do except squabble amongst ourselves. Not that that's MY fault in any way, I hasten to add. The Guilty Parties know who they are! I must confess to being mystified by the caption "Told you it was willy" under a photograph of several parked cars. What did you mean?
Lloyd... I'm concerned. Your Portuguese.. is it up to much? I only ask because... well..... the pregnant beggar. Are you certain that it was simply money that she was after? Was her conversation gently leading you to the question of paternity? Is there any question of this? Any possibility at all? You really must be more careful Lloyd Smith. You may take this advice on any level you wish.
And Edgar.... Pah!! You say you were "seriously vision-impaired". Good lord man! Have you not been following the intrepid worldly travels of the one and only, the squinting, tunnel-visioned Smith??? Again, I say to you sir.... Pah!!
Parmesan Power Ah! It seems that Lisbon’s gentle breezes are finally lifting the sails of your becalmed blog! The gentle tap-tap-tap of your clapped-out keyboard propels your pixels through shimmering seas of blogliness. (Enough of the laboured metaphors already!) Good to hear you're up and about again, Mr Smythe. You had us all worried for a while there but you’ve valiantly pulled through like the stoic trooper you are. Of course, we knew you would. But I cannot believe that you have actually parted with folding stuff to climb a few steps of some ancient tower? Tell me it’s not true that you actually shelled out good money for a tourist trap? Not like you, Lloyd, not like you at all! I can see that you have yet to fully recover from your illness. And when you do, I’m sure that such ‘attractions’ will fail utterly to separate you from your cash and things will return once again to normal. Also nice to see your updated photos. One of these photos you have labelled ‘A demonstration against too many Aussie tourists outside my window’. Actually the sign reads ‘Governo For a De Lai Raicota Negociacao’. Loosely translated this means ‘We want a Government that will allow us to negotiate Ricotta Cheese.’ Lloyd, you may not be aware that for decades ricotta cheese has been non-negotiable in Lisbon. I believe that you should support this call for parmesan power and lend your weight to their campaign.
Also very reassuring to discover that you have squirreled away adequate supplies of trusty Super Bock beer. There’s an old saying in Lisbon: ‘Don’t mock Super Bock’.
And you, Lloyd, have truly taken that motto to your heart.
Please continue to update your blog regularly. It’s ‘required reading’ in my household.
Blog Becalmed Lloyd, your blog has suddenly become becalmed. I know you are not well and are bundled up in bed trying to shake the combined effects of cold, asthma and travel exhaustion. Rest is what you need. Make sure you get plenty of it. It’s no fun being sick while travelling, ask ME, who has graciously corrected me in regard to the finer points of his own travel history.
Meanwhile, I have arrived safely home today from my Bali trip to good old Melbourne town. Tullamarine airport was the busiest I have ever seen it! Long, snaking queues in the Arrivals area were the order of the day as millions of Melbournians returned from overseas trips at the conclusion of school holidays here in Victoria.
Our plane landed at 7:30 am but because there were so many planes coming in we had no gate available so the pilot simply parked the plane somewhere in the middle of the airfield and ordered a movable set of stairs so we could all alight to the tarmac below. Unfortunately moveable stairs were moving like hot cakes and it took more than an hour for an available set to arrive. Most passengers preferring to stand motionless in the (very) crowed aisle during this time clutching their hand luggage. The pilot apologied several times for the delay in getting the movable stairs which he was ‘reliably informed’ us were speedily on the way to our stationary aircraft. Finally, more than one hour after we had landed, a very welcome set of movable stairs finally arrived but sadly then there was a similar problem with the ready availability of transfer busses. None. But this was just a mere taste of things to follow as several arriving jumbo jets disgorged planeload after planeload of tired tourists into the tiny Arrivals wing. In the end, it took four hours from the time the plane touched down until we walked out of the airport to finally queue up one again at the taxi rank in freezing temperatures. Five hour flight from Bali, four hour processing at Tullarmarine! Ah, the joys of travel! Seriously, we here in ‘Comment Corner’ are on tenterhooks not knowing what your health status is, Lloyd. Please update status asp.
Taking the port out of Portugal It's good to see that you're chock full of Bock, but surely you can't leave Portugal without sampling port. This is where the marvelous story of port started. Any idea who the 42year old local is who has left a couple of messages on your blog? Could be a local nerd given his message re elevators. Where to next pilgrim?
I guess I'm a travel junkie. I find new places and people stimulating. I grow bored easily in the same environment and crave new experiences. I also find that travel is an excellent way of losing weight. ... full info
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On the other hand, at least ME has shown grace by welcoming aboard new blog correspondent ASDF. To that person I also extend a welcoming hand. Wonder what the poor sod makes of all this. As for GA ("Be Prepared"), I have no doubt that he will be sufficiently organised to catch up on his reading toute de suite. There is something decidedly fishy about a lately arrived "Canadian" RO'C ("Fares Please"), but I suspect he will have better luck deciphering this nonsense than ASDF.