Italy took my breath away and romanced my imagination. I took a break from London and headed to Italy for the weekend, spreading the two days over Milan and Bergamo. I chatted with the locals on the train into Milan, their eyes twinkled and their smiles sincere. I was assisted at the station by the friendly nuns and I hopped from foot to foot with excitement as I waited impatiently for my turn to exit the turnstile and enter the city centre. Milan. The buildings rose above me, their beauty astounding. Getting lost as often as possible. I found myself in a locals market, and although it may be vain, I never grew tired or the local fruiters call of ‘bella’, I sampled their goods and shared laughs with the numerous lost in translation moments. I ... read more

Things in my life have come along at leaps and bounds. I have slowly but continuously expanded my circle of friends, my job is going well and a new relationship is being enjoyed. Christmas came and went, spent with other orphans. Lots of laughs, lots of drinks. It was an amazing weekend. New Years Eve celebrations with great people, champagne, shots and silly pictures, holding off the New Years kiss to later on in the night to share the first of 2011 with someone special. Booking a snowboarding trip to Austria with a group of equally energetic and enthusiastic people, still counting down the weeks until we can hit the slopes, the vodka and enjoy shared warmth in the cold. Lots of dinner parties, rediscovering my culinary skills and shocking even myself, dining out and being ... read more

I feel myself losing control. My mind is flooded with thoughts, a torrent so strong I can’t pause to concentrate on one. As I lose control of my emotional side, I take charge in the physical, in the only self harming way I can. I’m floating through an afterthought. Fighting to relax, but the anxiousness is overbearing. The festive season holds my body tense, unsure of where I’ll be, who I will be with. Panicking that I will be alone. The uncertainty engulfs me and suffocates logical reasoning. My work load increases daily and I fight to cope, doing my best to stay in front, but I am already trailing last, already a stitch in my side and the realisation that I may never catch up. Keeping up the positive appearance is exhausting, smiling, laughing, joking. ... read more

Hopes to make love with a French man at his Chateau’ in the country side were not full filled, however the weekend was still spectacular. I was fortunate enough to have clear blue skies for my Eiffel Tower visit, the tower loomed in the distance and my heart skipped a beat as I stole my first look. I was early enough to avoid long lines, however I was unable to escape the street sellers thrusting their cheap merchandise in my face. I rode 2 elevators to reach to summit, the view was breath taking and I took my time as I drank in the awe inspiring 360 degree view. There was a slight pang of wistfulness as I realised the moment would be better appreciated shared with a loved one, though the thought was momentary as ... read more

After a few uneventful weeks after the Oktoberfest (which was well needed) a new house mate moved in. Our usually quiet and often dull home is now filled with Janette. A young student from York completing a internship in London for the next 10 weeks. Her voice and personality are loud, unashamed and brash, however she is also gentle and kind. With Janette there is also Edd, and the two are in a constant battle to out yell and out foul each other, together we form a hilarious trio. As the two are both gay, I am coming familiar with London’s gay bars. Dressing up, pre dinks and constant laughter fill the house each Saturday night. Janette, as a fem’e lesbian, takes longer to get ready that Edd and I combined. We jump on the tube ... read more