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Published: November 22nd 2005
Life's a beach
Fiona soakes up the sun as Andrew goes for a dip in Hoi An, Vietnam..... the only thing I'm hunting for, is an outfit that looks good...
See my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest.
Feel this sweater, there's no better, than authentic Irish setter....
The passionate lyrics of the Simpsons' Monty Burns when he tells us of his joy of having a full wardrobe, we too wanted to feel this joy so off we popped to Hoi An (not Ha Noi) a small town of 75,000 people and everyone of them is in the business, no, not show business, the business that is tailoring, the art of cutting and sewing the cloth of your choice.
Hoi An is a great wee spot in the North of the Southern part of Vietnam, if you know what I mean, it's pretty much the middle of the country, 3 hours south of Hue (our last stop) so let's stick with that.
It has loads of cloth shops, shoe shops, bag shops, anything that can be made from cotton, linen or leather is made to measure here in 24 hours, and that includes 3 fittings! Basically Fiona thinks that she has died and gone to heaven, me on the other
A room with a view
From our balcony in Hoi An hand am complaining about how much money she's spending while still managing to spend more than her..... Go figure?
Hoi An isn't just about clothes, it has loads of guest houses, bars and restaurantes to cater for the hundreds of tourists that arrive here every day with two empty suitcases and leave with four full ones, it's real cheap to stay ($8US a night for a beautiful room with balcony etc) and the food and beer is super cheap and of excellent quality.
It's got a great location on the river and the beach is only 4 km's from town, we've hired bikes and motor bikes and been all over the local area, between fittings of course, and explored the stunning coastline for miles in the 90 degree sun, it really is a hard life you know, it's not all about shopping and eating and drinking and sailing, actually, now I think about it... it pretty much is all about shopping and eating and drinking and sailing, and did I mention it's 90 degrees? Good.
Before I leave I must tell you about us getting stuck on the balacony of our hotel room in Hoi An, we
Little Paris
French architecture in Hoi An were in a really nice hotel, private balcony and that, and it only cost 5 poonds a night BTW, so we decided to spend the morning chilling on the terrace, as you do.
So we were out there for ages, in and out of our rooms for drinks and that, the doors were open but then Fiona decides that mosquitoes can get in so closes the door, before I can ask if she kept the latch off, obviously she didn't and we're now stuck, T I D Y......
So were there for a while, it's 90 degrees in the shade and the slight amusement at our situation has worn off some what, we're hot, out of water and there's nowhere to hide from the sun's rays, not ideal.
Now my Mum's been in this situation before at home, I'm sure she'll be happy that I'm sharing it with you, one day when washing the windows she decides to go out on the ledge (more like a roof) to clean them proper, she closes the window to give it a right good clean and it locks behind her, she's stuck, it's 10am and my dad won't be home
Little Paris
French architecture in Hoi An until 4pm, she's stuck 3 floors up spread out like a star gripping the tiles on the roof, afraid to move but unsure what to do.
I know it's funny, I can't stop laughing either but my Mum didn't think so, after a while the neighbour opposite decided to see if everything was alright, was my Mum haging on to the roof for any good reason? To cut a long story short the women opposite phoned the air-sea rescue and they landed one of those huge YELLOW Navy chinook helicopter numbers on our roof and winched my Mum to safety....
Well that's the ending me and my Dad use, what really happened was the women phoned my Dad at work and he came home and opened the window, no more tears.
So back to us and the balcony, I didn't have a phone and my Dad was about 30,000 miles away, I don't think he could have got the time off to come and rescue us, and as far as I'm aware the Vietnam Navy don't have YELLOW chinook helicopters to come for us, even if they did there was nowhere for them to land it...
HELP!!
Fiona shoots away while I drown in Hoi An... We shouted.... no one came....
We threw stones at people.... no one flinched.....
We stuck notes on our neighbours balcony...... they weren't in....
So we'd been there a fair time and I was getting ready to put the window in and climb to safety when it struck me.... "Fiona, when I lifted you over the neighbours balcony and you stuck the note on their window..... did you try their door to see if it was open?"
Fiona: "No, was I meant to.........."
Me: "It wouldn't hurt....."
So over she goes again, two hours after the first time and surprise-surprise their door was open!! Fiona runs through their room, down to reception to get a spare key then let's me in with no windows broken, a decent result in the end.
A few beers later we were laughing about it and the neighbours never found out. Sweet.
Not much else to report, for those of you who are getting tired of these reports you'll be happy to know that we'll be home in less than six weeks, not ideal for those who don't want to see us step foot in the motherland again.....
Doon toon
The market in Hoi An Until the next instalment, I bid you au revoir.
And for those who are humming along to the tune, here's the complete song lyrics................
Mr Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks gooooooooooooood...
Seeeeeeeee my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.
See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.
Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,
Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.
Like my loafers? Former gophers -
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,
So let's prepare these dogs,
Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs,
Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest.
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anonymous
non-member comment
Very Funny Stuff!!
Hi there. I just have to comment on this blog. I split a gut laughing at the way you described the little episode on the balcony and your Mum's window washing! Funny as heck. We are all going to miss your blogs when you finally get home. I've read every one of them after a few different friends put me onto them. You have a way of writing that is interesting and COMICAL. No---noone is getting tired of these blogs! Actually, we miss them when there is a big gap. Keep on having those hard days at the beach!! Have fun and take care.