Phan Thiet to Dalat, part 2

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Trumbling down the road our bus wound around mountain curves at a juggernaut speed in comparison to earlier. Thankfully the potless asphalt lulled me back to sleep however the yammer of voices on the bus kept my eyes and brains open to the various languages being spoken. Our little purple bus yielded only to a farm tractor with three young boys driving up the mountainous road. We climbed farther and farther into the mountains as the sun rounded past twelve-thirty. Sitting back, I retrieved my camera snapping off a few shots along the way. A bit over a half hour the bus went back to its swaying, bouncing, jumbling maneuvers as our altitude peaked. Stretches of pine covered mountain yielded to our views as we turned and started back down. Forty minutes later and my pee button inside went off. I smiled looking both directions thinking to myself why did I drink all that water? Damn it. I looked at Shauna sitting quietly at the back of the bus nodding along as she read her book in silence. Glancing at my watch I knew we had at least another sixty minutes of road in front of us. Our destination time was around 2:15 in the afternoon. Damn it. I started to read my book but couldn't concentrate on the words. I thought about asking the driver to pull over or at least open up the door for me to urinate out but then I'd have to walk through all the outstretched people (twice) and since the luggage, ticket checker guy didn't reboard with us at the rest stop, I concluded the driver probably didn't speak English anyway.

Sitting back I tried thinking of things that didn't relate to water, waterfalls, the ocean or a faucet. That didn't help. My mind was stuck on Aaron you need to pee then you can probably make it another half hour and finally why did you leave that empty water bottle behind? Lesson # 1, Traveling by bus in Vietnam, keep all containers on your person, (empty or otherwise) just in case YOU spring a leak along the way.

Leaning back Shauna eventually noticed I was moving quit a bit. She inquired. I stated. She smiled stating me too. I laughed more like a suppressed giggle but enough to make my bowel want to explode. Starring out the window we hobbled down the road, twenty kilometers an hour more or less. I started counting sheep, cows, mountain peaks trying to distract my brain and system from what clearly wasn't going to stop bothering me. It's one thing to be on a bus and needing to pee. But its an entirely different one, when the people in front of you were all smart enough not to guzzle 1.5 liters of water at the rest stop and are all now casually sipping water as we bounce along the roadway.

Smiling my brain started thinking rapidly about possible outcomes. First, I could just pee all over the floor. Not a great option but it'd feel good. Second, try peeing out an open window, except I wasn't near a window that slid open and the ones that did were only six inches tall. Three, hold the pee and risk serious bowel problems. Four, come up with a better solution. Ten minutes went by thinking about pee. I still had far too much time on my hands. Ten more minutes went by as I tried taking pictures out the window. Then ten more and ten more and finally I spotted a sign Dalat 45 km holly mackerel, I might actually make it? That's when we went through a round about in the middle of nowhere and began climbing up a soft beautifully new section of highway. I laughed. Generally, I laughed out loud a smile forming on my lips. Shauna knew without having to tell her what my glee was for she had spotted the same sign.

Ten more minutes went by but this time we didn't advance very far. The bus crested over the highway, I looked back it wasn't that long of a road. The smirk was preemptive. I should have known better. Damn it. We were now moving even slower than we had done on the bumpy pot holed road earlier. How could this be happening to me? The gutless bus. Damn it. The pee button was exuding pressure inside me that's when it hit me like a slap in the face. Bear Grylls, discovery channel, survival show came popping into my thoughts. What would he do in this situation? Probably climb out a window and piss. But think... what has he done to get out of crazy situations? It hit me again. A snakeskin. I needed a snakeskin to piss into. Perfect. Except I had no snakes around me to kill and skin. What could I use? I needed a sack. A bag. Something I could literally pee into. That's when I began rifling through my bag. Earlier I put my still wet from last night board shorts and rashee into a plastic Circle K bag. Pulling out my clothes I retrieved the bag. Searching it quickly to spot any rips or holes because then I really don't know what I would do? Tie it off? Something? Anything...

I looked up and down all its sides. It looked clear. Perching myself on the rear seat giving myself some distance from the seat, I maneuvered the bag into position, colostomy style but not at my side. I sat perched bouncing along and just when I was about to g.... the buss hit a gigantic pot hole sending me flying backwards as the seat dislodged itself, seat back, cushion and all. I came down with a miserable thud. Noooooo... my brain screamed inside itself. Disturbed by the commotion people looked back but didn't say or do anything. Even Shauna looked frightened and amused all at the same time. Thinking about it, again I really needed to figure this out. Replacing the back and cushion I sat down thinking this through again. I didn't need height. I just needed to relax and let go. That's when it hit me again... sit like you were doing a #2 not a #1. Adjusting the bag, I slide it up my shorts into position. Looking about I was certain everyone on the bus knew now what was going on. I didn't care. This had to work. And it did. I began feeling the pressure leaving my system. Thankful a clear smile formed on my face until the bag began to fill beyond capacity. No, it couldn't be? Could it? The bag should have plenty of room. Finishing I moved my hands adjusting the straps and tying off the top. I would have to hold my makeshift bladder in my hands until we reached town and could properly dispose of it.

Resting back, I noticed my pee had no smell. Thankfully. For the past 3-months I had been on a diet consuming 6+ liters of water per day. My pee no longer had those scents of yesteryear. I sat there smiling as we wound through the final turns before breaking out over into Dalat. As we peaked the top of the road, I looked down noticing a stream of water forming near my feet? What the... I looked at the bag. Damn it! The bag had a hole but where. I began searching spotting the dribble coming out near the top. The one place I didn't really look. Shauna starred in horror at me, her face turning a wicked red. I reached over grabbing her backpacks top handle lifting it off the ground. She frowned even more at me when the pee attached to the bottom dripped off onto her bare leg. She scowled. I apologized. I didn't know it was resting on the ground. The amount of pee on the back platform was immensely growing but thankfully wasn't smelling.

The driver drove us down through the central area of town, sliding us along the pathway to destination in the city unknown. Pausing to check the damages, he began to climb up a steep stretch of street, every time he turned the pee on our platform would follow the direct line opposite the turn. I laughed and smiled. Shauna looked at me with regret and relief that I figured out how to release the water. Finally, we pulled into an alleyway thinking we had reached the bus depot except it turned out to be a hotel.

They were dispelling us all at some random hotel. Probably on the take. As soon as the door opened a man came on board telling us they had rooms for $10, a bathroom for us to use, internet if we needed it, maps locating where we were and a lineup of men standing around for no apparent reason. Passengers began climbing off the bus in search of their luggage below. Waiting until everyone was off, I moved down the aisle spotting a second plastic yellow bag, I grabbed it, opening it up and inserting my bag into it. Hopping off the bus, I was immediately approached, "hello can I help you?" "No thanks." "Would you like to take an easy rider trip?" "Not now. Sorry," I stated walking away. I went into the hotel only to find a very long line for the only bathroom available. Thinking I stepped outside in search of a flower bed to dispose of my extra baggage. As I walked out the door, another guy approached me. "Hello, can I help you?" "No thank you." "Would you like to take an easy rider trip?" "Not now. Sorry." And I walked away down the alley. At the rear of the building every building was surrounded by a concrete gate. I was trapped inside a concrete maze. How could this be? There were no trash cans, no flower beds, no trees... just this sidewalk here where some other trash lay. Oh well I thought, whose going to know where I left it except for me? (and you). That's when I set my impromptu colostomy bag down amongst the refuge and walked off in search of Shauna, to begin our journey of locating suitable accommodation.

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