I Took a Beating in Vinh Vietnam

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January 16th 2006
Published: January 16th 2006
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Rode in to Vinh Vietnam. After several 100 KM days I was real sore. I saw a sign on our Hotel Billboard: "Thai Massage." After checking it out it only cost four dollars. I told Ngat I was going to splurge and get a "Therapeutic Massage." She said: "Don't waste you money, I can give you one for nothing." I told her, no I wanted a professional job. Somehow, I had a feeling this place would be good.
I had Ngat check the place out and get me an appointment. I told her to make sure the girls were not interested in "Boom Boom." I have been to places where it was a little rub and a lot of asking for "Boom Boom." Anyway, enough on that subject.
Ngat came back with my appointment time which was right away so I had just gotten out of the shower so I slipped my pants on and hustled over there.

I got to the room and there was a strange very tall massage table. I wondered why is the table so high. "Wouldn't it be hard for a short Vietnamese to stand there and work you over."

Finally my massage "Therapist" entered. She let out a scream and left, yelling things in Vietnamese I had never heard before. A man rushed in. "You have no underwear on." I said, no, but I have this towel over me and this is the way we do it in the US.
"You must wear underwear." I said: "Ok, but I'll have to go to my room to get some." He found me some Vietnamese shorts that fit so the girl came back in.

This girl was about 4'8" tall. She wasn't worried about the table being tall because she jumped on top of it and did her work there. This girl knew more about joints that most chiropractors. She didn't just crack my knuckles once but three times. She knew more holds that I learned in TaeKwondo. She pried, she twisted, she bent. She showed my legs positions they had never been to before.

I kept my eyes closed through most of this, only taken a peek now and then. I could feel what was going on. I felt her coil up between my legs in sort of a ball. I wondered what she was up to. She then leaned back and but a hold on my right leg as she thrust her little strong leg at lighting speed with in a whisker close to the storehouse of all Converse genetics and hit my upper inside thigh bone. This just about split me into. I know she wanted me to cry out "Stop, Stop." I wasn't going to let that happen-- as a tear rolled down my check. After she got through arranging all of my joints she began the beating. It sounded like machine gun fire as she rat a tat tated me all over. These were deep penetrating armor piercing blows that seem to seek out each nerve ending. Then she brought in the heavy stuff. This sounded like artillery, the Queen of the Battlefield: Clump, Clump, Clump. This was two handed stuff that she brought back over her head and with all her might placed them with pin point accuracy as she made every muscle in my body forget about all previous soreness.

She wasn't through. She moved to the top of my head and grabbed my hair and pulled me six inches up the table. That was too much give so she placed her feet on my shoulders and pulled again. She beat on my sinus until it promised never to run again.

Then the last unmerciful act. She walked on my back. I liked this. Try to get my Grand kids to do all the time. But this was to be different. This girl had long toes that she could point down a ninety degree angle. This was so penetrating she could play with my belly button with this trick.

"I'm done," she said with a smugness on her face.

"That felt real good." I said, as I walked out with another tear rolling down my face.


16th January 2006

Where are the Pictures?
Kent, I've never laughed so hard in my entire life. I think I'll send this out in a blast email to the entire district! I sure wish you would have had pictures of all this. They would have been on the front page of our newsletter!
18th January 2006

GREAT stuff, Kent!
Sounds like you are having a blast. I can hardly wait until you get home to hear it first hand.
27th January 2006

boom boom, etc.
Is "boom boom" moolah? The account of your massage ought to be in GQ,Playboy, or at least Reader's Digest. Hilarious!!!!!
22nd December 2006

same same
Kent, Interesting, i must of had her secretary in Vientiane. But I cried out like a little girlie man. I pleaded with her to be more gentle but she couldn't spell it. To work she went as i too cried quietly. Can you believe i gave her a tip.....to stop! See you next month on the hunting trip. Mike Meyer

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