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Published: December 20th 2012
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Having finished Vietnam in Ho Chi Minh I am now ideally placed to travel across the border to Phnom Penh in Cambodia. However that would be too convenient! Instead i'm going to fly to Phuket for a quick 5 day holiday with Louise, one of my most fabulous of girlfriends, who happens to be holidaying in Asia with her brother Kingsley and friend - Chris.
Because of a delayed connection in Bangkok and a minibus driver that insists on driving at 15 miles an hour, hunched over the wheel like Mr Magoo ( and stops at every conceivable hotel prior to mine,) the transfer from Phuket airport takes 2 hours before it finally arrive at the Katathani Beach resort.
What can I say. Its worth it. Its a deluxe beachfront hotel set away from the main grubby tourist sprawl of Patong – along a secluded and private piece of beach perfection – Kata Noi Bay.
The lawns have been manicured within an inch of their life, the private sands are combed and pristine white, the sea is silky smooth and as warm as the proverbial bath tub. The deep navy swimming pools are tranquil with not a screaming
armbanded child in sight. My room has a walk in rain forest style shower, cable tv and the biggest, plushest most comfortable bed I think i've ever slept in. I do, however, wake up with four mosquito bites on my back which is the downside of a ground floor room.
I discover that Madame Louise has made all of her party check out of their last hotel (called Zen – therefore some kind of “hippy dippy” place that would be right up my street apparently!) because of mosquitos and the sound of a cockerel -doing what cocks do – crowing.
“Ask how many mosquito bites she's got!” says Chris....
“NONE!"
It seems the mosquitos and winged beasts of South East Asia have yet to be briefed on the Duffmeister General's arrival. How inconsiderate.
On the first morning I sleep in til midday – heaven. We meet by the pool and position ourselves in a prime location – opposite the bar! We catch up on the girltalk and Louise's brother comes to join us:
“ Kingsley you couldn't look more English if you tried!” I say. Like all good Brits abroad he has sunburnt a
nice shade of what I believe is Pantone ref: UK
Lobster Red.
We decide to all have pedicures – and three women are stationed at our feet to commence the process. You would think that having never had a foot treatment in his life that Kingsley (who has decided to get in touch with his feminine side) – would be the biggest challenge. But, no... obviously nine months of globe trotting and wearing flip flops has taken its toll and 20 minutes after Louise is done and having her colour applied the little woman who pulled the short straw with my feet is still sawing away at the dead skin. Nice!
In the evening we eat at “The Horn Grill” in Patong beach. Most of the restaurants eaters are crammed outside against the nosie and blare of the busy road however because we've pre booked we are ushered into a cooler, quieter and much posher inner sanctum with comfortable seating, chandeliers and linen table cloths – so make a reservation in advance! Its really hard to find a decent piece of meat in Asia, most of the cuts are of a poor quality and cooked within an
inch of their life in the less touristy countries. However Phuket is very commercial these days – it even has a Boots for goodness sake, so it is with absolute delight I tuck into a beautifully bloody piece of rib eye and some creamy dauphonoise potatoes. Yum!
The next day we decide to do a day excursion to the James Bond Island – where classic Roger Moore film “The Man with the Golden Gun” was filmed. Nicely settled on the speed boat, our tour guide introduces himself and then with much excitement announces:
“Today we go James Bond Island!!!” and then proceeds to sing the theme tune:
“Dang -a – dang daaang na na na dang na dang dang” Everyone falls about laughing – ten out of ten for effort though!
The speed boat races over clear turquoise seas. This part of the world (around the islands off Phuket) shares the same topography as Halong Bay and Guillin in China – the incredible jagged tooths of chalky white rock formations spear the skyline. James Bond island itself is where the midget in the top hat and the Bond Villain with the third nipple and the golden
gun of the title hung out. One of the rocks in the film opens up to reveal their secret evil lair. Its very touristy here, we are shepherded onto the beach where sellers hawk “real” pearl jewellery. There are a couple of view points and then the opportunity to sunbathe on another beach. Unfortunately it starts to drizzle so we only have a little swim.
The next few days are spent in a happy haze of frozen banana coladas (my new favourite way to enjoy this most pedestrian of fruits – mashed, frozen, with lashings of rum😉 wave jumping – until one particularly big one decides to push me along the ocean bed by my chin – and more sunbathing and girl talk.
Our final meal is at the restaurant Aqua – just the other side of town. A very posh Italian eaterie. Amuse bouche are served on trendy metal skewers; my starter is a gorgeous and oozy buratta with vine tomatoes whilst others have fresh scallops and foi gras. My main course is a grilled sea food platter of delicate slivers of ruby red tuna and succulent langoustine on a chick pea mash. For dessert – there
is home made ice cream. Louise, Kingsley and I all want to try it (even though i'm not a massive ice cream fan they have my very favourite flavours.)We all opt for the pistachio and the hazlenut. Its deliciously creamy, delicately flavoured with just the right amount of nuttiness. I think its the best ice cream i've ever tasted. This place ain't cheap – but if money is no object and you're looking for a great meal and a special evening – this restaurant will not disappoint.
On our final night the heavens open and let forth huge sheets of rain; thunderheads gather on the horizon and start to blot out the attempt at fireworks on the beach and whip up some of the magic lanterns that have been lit and are floating into the sky. Its been a fantastic pitstop to catch up with my friends back home and enjoy a litte bit of five star luxury – but tomorrow the road trip continues. Next stop is the capital of Cambodia - Phnom Penh followed by another three weeks exploring this fascinating country.
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