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Published: December 27th 2010
Phew! we made it! On that bloody propeller plane! It wasnt too bad bit of a dodgy landing but we got free lunch! Even on the budget flights here they always feed and water you! In the lobby there were 'information desks' only unlike ours in England where such desks provide free public information, these guys need to rob you of every baht you have. We were flicking through a catalogue of guest houses and hotels but were sneakily writing them down so we could check them out ourselves! Outside we were offered a shuttle that would ''take you anywhere you want to go'' we were bundled into a mini van with 7 or 8 others. It wasnt long before we stopped off. We refused to get out at first, my mouth resembled a sand pit and I had to give in. They also said that we needed to let them know where we were going and thats why they conveniently stopped off at their cousins or whoevers shop to get their route right. We advised them that we would like to be dropped off at the Beach in Patong. She replied very rudely that they wouldnt. Oh dear, do not
push me woman I thought. I glared right at her and said that they told us that they would take us anywhere we want to go, we have paid our fare and that they WILL take us to Patong beach, off she popped. Two minutes later a guy with a seedy gotee beard threw open the door and started shouting at Paul at the beach was out of their way and they wouldnt be dropping us off. Just before I could clammer over him and bite this idiots nose off, Paul had made him agree to drop us off on the main road from the beach.
Arriving in the centre of Patong Town was chaos; Slightly similar to Bangkok with rows and rows of street vendors and fresh seafood staring up at you with ''dont eat me'' eyes... Sorry mate but you are one juicy prawn, the next time I see you I want you drenched in garlic and chilli and missing your head! After avoiding the mass of resturant and 'Ping Pong' show punters, the last obstacle into the internet shop was a lady boy who'd taken a shine to paul!! Paulie laughed it off and wiped his
Off into the Night
We lit our messaged lanterns and watched them float away xxhand on his pants after the fancy boy had grabbed his hand. We sat down on tinternet and began our search for our hotel. Since it was Christmas Eve we were settling for no less than four stars. Id done my slumming for the best part of two weeks and we were craving air con and a pool!! We wernt having much luck. Alot of places had 1 night, but most booked up for Christmas. I was just about to give up when up popped 'The Kee' an amazing 4 star hotel just metres from the Beach. After a brief scan through the pictures I was oowing and aaahhing and paul said ''im going to have to book this one arent I?'' I shot him my widest grin and it was booked!
It was a bit of a trek down a very busy road with lots of girls (well with sausages tucked between their legs) blocked your path at every opportunity, on more than one occasion I felt like stamping on their size 12 tacky stilettos. Its by far the seediest place we've been so far, with old balding Caucasian men entwined with a tiny beautiful thai girl. I
Champagne Dinner
Christmas Dinner Thai Style! had to stop myself asking in curiosity ''how much did she cost love??'' But hey, who am I to judge, it's possible that any one of these odd pairings could be very much in love! Anyway we walked through The Kee using our instincts that the hotel had to be around here some place too. It was a sort of amusement fair and a market, although with the scatter of Go-Go Bars im not quite sure id let my kid on the Ferris wheel directly outside! We gazed up at the Hotel and couldn't believe we were actually staying here. All modern glass and decor it was a marvel of sophistication and I couldnt wait to get to the bar and make a show of myself!! It took them a while to find our booking and I was getting more agitated by the minute. Paul advised me to get my arguing head on because if they didn't have our room they would have to upgrade us free of charge, seizing the opportunity I stormed up the the desk and asked if our room was ready or not? They didnt have our room and they upgraded up to the Superior city view suite and also gave us two free drinks on the roof restaurant :0) on top of that we had free mini bar, internet via the samsung flat screen and the room was to DIE FOR. You have no idea how much a hot shower is appreciated after cold salt water showers every single day. We even got fluffy robes and little Christmas treats on the prettily made up bed. Oh the bed.. what id give to be able to take that spongy bed home!! We got ready without breaking into a sweat thanks to the amazing air con also everything in the room was touch operated, there was a little panel on the wall that controlled all the lights in each room etc.
We headed upstairs to the roof restaurant, oh my days it was beautiful. A violinist and pianist were playing mellow tunes and you could see all over the city. We only ordered a bottle of beer each and they came in champagne holders! We took a few pictures (my chest is so badly burnt I must say I bear a resemblance to a crab stick right now) and decided that wed go see what the town was all about. A short walk down the chocca street and we were dragged into an Indian Restaurant. Bellies full and nackard from all the traveling again we had a walk down through the bars on our way back. We stopped to make a few phone calls when I got chatting to a big auzzie guy, him and his friends had basically taken over a bar on the street pouring their own drinks and dancing on the bar. They offered us a tequila and of course we had to oblige!! We hung around for a while but they were way too wasted and we were way too tired and besides.. I couldnt wait to get in a real bed!!
Merry Christmas!!! It was so lovely to wake up without aching all over and tired from absence of sleep due to hungry mosquito's! Its so strange that its Christmas! No presents to open but we couldn't help but smile when we drew the curtains and the sun was beaming down on us. We made our way downstairs to the most beautiful breakfast banquet I have ever seen!! Fresh fruit, fresh breads and pastries, pancakes, bacon, sausages, eggs, thai food absolutely anything you could think of!! We literally had a 3 course breakfast and even snook a few pastries back upstairs for later!! Its Christmas Day its 10:30 in the morning and the cocktails are calling your name!! We dived in the pool and up to the swim up bar for our Singapore Slings and Mojitos, absolute heaven!!! After a couple of hours we were baked and the sun was having a little minute. We decided to have a wander down to Beach via a mini mart for a bat and ball. The whole purpose of the trip was for Paul to wear his santa suit.. we underestimated the popularity of the beach and of course he chickened out! Nae mind!
We spotted the Jetskis and haggled them right down to a 1000 baht for 30 minutes on a monster Jet Ski!! We dived on and Paul went first, he decided to inform me a good 5 minutes in that he had never driven one before!! Not wanting him to have all the fun and sooooo wanting to get him back for scaring me half to death on the moped, we swapped mid sea. Hehe now its MY turn. Executing a deatky speed and ridiculous turns he was screaming at me to slow down and stop being so stupid ''OOOOO Paulies scared!!'' I went faster and did a sharp right turn... It was like slow motion.. I was falling left and I had nothing to grip at.. I hit the water with such force I thought my skin was bout to come off. When I surfaced I was gagging for air and couldnt see Paul and began to actually crap myself. We'd watched 'Open Waters' a couple weeks before and I was convinced this was going to end badly... ''See!! I knew this was going to happen!! Are you stupid?!!!'' I was way too scared and a little shocked to listen to him shouting at me. The Jetski seemed miles away and I had this stupid Life Jacket on and didnt seem to be moving anywhere. A guy came past on his Jet Ski and asked if we needed any help ''No thanks. Thanks anyway mate'' .. Speak for yourself Paul!! I'm dying here!! Paul made it to the jetski first and I thought he was going to drive off and leave me for being such a prat. I clammered aboard with him stil going on at me about how certain Thias try to make money from foreigners by saying the Jetskis are broke, when they arent raddie radda.. He drove it back and luckily a good half hour later he began to see the funny side..
We had a few more hours lounging on the beach before heading back to get ready. A few Ben Moore whiskeys at the apartment and we were good to go for xmas dinner. We walked for a good hour down to the road to find a pay phone to make all our Christmas calls back home. By the time we were done it was 10:30. We came across a seriously top notch restaurant and not wanting to trek any further pulled up a pew. We decided sod it, its Christmas and we deserve a good meal.. accompanied by champagne of course. The service was brilliant and the live band on stage were excellent! A German guy sat next to us began speaking at us in a language we couldnt understand, mouth agape we just stared at him
''German??''
''Err, No! Were English pal!!''
We all laughed it off and he started speaking to us in English. Turned out the guy spoke 4 languages! He taught us a few Thai phrases and informed us that the band did requests,so if we had a special song we should request it. Our steaks arrived and it looked amazing and tasted even better. The bubbles were definitely giving us the giggles and I handed in a request to the waiter. Paul was practically licking his plate and the lead singer of the band spoke up ''Guys im so sorry. We dont know the request you've handed in. We have a very special couple in the house tonight, Lauren and Paul this ones for you'' UB40 started coming from the speakers, it was cheesy but we loved it. I asked Paul to take me dancing and the table next was clapping and cheering us on ''Lauren and Paul ladies and Gentlemen'' she said over the speakers and everyone started to clap. Cue emotional moment.. Until paul started his one - two step. I was in fits of giggles..
''Your so wooden!!''
''I bloody will be if you keep rubbing on me!!''
Everyone was just laughing at us as we bobbed round the dance floor
''Right thats it, your having dance lessons when we get back!'' I shouted over the music
''Listen I drink Tango, I dont dance it!
Swaying around with my head thrown back laughing, I think its one of my most favorite moments of my life. What a Christmas day this has been! It just couldnt get any better... Or could it?
Walking down the beach bear foot we spotted a Thai guy carrying a latern. Wild with excitement I legged it over and ordered two! We wrote our little messages on them walked down to a quiet spot on the beach, set them alight and let go.. We sat for ages watching them drift off and away letting all the worries and problems of the past year float away with them. It was the best Christmas Day I have ever had.
Adios Amigos xx
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Natalie
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Lauren u should write books once I start reading ur blogs I can't put my phone down u write so well. Very entertaining! sounds like ur having a ball! U making so many good memories. Can't wait see the pictures. Keep having fun guys xxx