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Published: December 24th 2005
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Sandmen
Snapped shortly before demise We have been in Thailand for the last couple of days. Flew into Bangkok and decided to head down to the beach straight away. Booked ourselves on a coach that would leave early evening delivering us to Krabi in time for breakfast.
The journey down was a little arduous. The coach was sold as being 'luxury class' specifically aimed at sun seeking tourists. The lady we booked the tickets with shared comprehension of only one word with us. She looked utterly baffled at everything spoken (before you think this is overly cruel, she was working in an information / tour agency for tourists) but we all agreed on 'Krabi?' and by some miracle our tickets were booked. This meant that she was not able to give us any spiel whatsoever about the service we had just procured. Maybe this was for the best. Because if she had been able and honest the spiel would probably have been as follows 'This bus is in no way direct. There will be several pointless stops at grim roadside cafes where you can run the gauntlet with a host of bacteria and germs. Just after 5am when you have finally contorted your aching limbs
Scary Mary Christmas
These hot little numbers are flying off the racks I can tell you . . . into a semi numbed state and have drifted off for a few minutes of blessed oblivion, all the lights will be turned on and you will be dumped at yet another grim roadside cafe. There you will wait for two and a half hours before another coach turns up to take you onward. You may think this is the last leg, but oh no. You will drive for a couple more hours but then, scarcely 3km from your intended destination - Krabi - you will be dumped yet again. Despite the fact that another mere 10 minutes of driving would have you arriving in Krabi, the coach company in it's wisdom has decided this is not be so. You will then wait another 50 minutes or so before a van arrives, you will be bundled in the back, and then, only then, will you enter the hallowed streets of Krabi town.'
But we are here. Despite a cloudy first day we have gone on to enjoy sun, sea and sand in the gusset. At the moment we have decided to stay in Krabi town which is in easy reach of some lush stretches of paradisical beach - noteably West
Rai Leh and Phrar Nang. We will be heading to Phi Phi shortly after chrimbo (yes the one where the Beach was filmed) and then Phuket.
Steve has attacked the challenge of not being the whitest person on the beach with the vigour and drive of the proverbial englishman and his mad mutt. Annoyingly his efforts are paying off. I would never admit this to him of course. I would like to say that I am also turning a deep golden hue, but aside from the local albino boy, I do stand out as strikingly alabaster. I try and accept my destiny. I console myself knowingly. The only diffference between a grape and a raisen is moisture after all. I'll look great when I'm 60 and Steve will be a wrinkled old hag. Harumph.
It feels bizarrely unchristmassy here. Tomorrow is Christmas Day and I still haven't had that 'christmassy feeling'. You know the one - when the excitement of the approaching big day dawns on you and for a moment you return to childlike joy, quickly followed by a shrewd capitalist tally of all the material goods you hope to acquire. I am sure a lot of
Ao Phra Nang, Krabi Thailand
Bummer. Christmas Day on the beach. it is too do with the weather. Christmas for me is cold and maybe even snowy (quickly followed by slushy) which leads to snug nights in decorating the tree, mulling the wine, untangling the fairy lights . . . Christmas does not involve green curries and sticky rice, returning from the beach after a hot day's bake, or cranking up the air conditioning in the middle of another balmy night.
There are advantages of course. I haven't heard Slade, the Pogues or Cliff once. I haven't been faced with xmas decorations and ridiculously premature marketing in October. I haven't done any christmas shopping (which in previous years however well planned always seems to end with a desperate visit to Boots on Christmas Eve).
These adventures are great but there is only one place to be for Christmas and that is firmly at home with those you love. My Christmas wish would be that when I wake up tomorrow I have magically been transported home for the day so I can enjoy the usual Ives / Lambourne celebrations. I am much aggrieved that I will be missing out on the return of my sister-in-laws famed and long awaited Chocolate
Christmas Log. It seems like a long time since I saw my folks and big sis and that would be the very best present I could imagine right now. Oh and those little sausages wrapped in bacon, chestnut stuffing, roasted parsnips, luxury stollen, figgy pudding . . .
Of course I would want to wake up on Boxing Day back on the beach.
This was supposed to be a simple christmas message and I have gone hopelessly off track. Big snow covered love to you all, from me and Steve. In lieu of a christmas card we are attaching some of the most christmassy sights we have come across recently. Sandmen aside they have all been rather forlorn and a little scary. As we recline on the sand tomorrow sipping an ice cool beverage we will think of you all, in far off beloved blighty. MERRY CHRISTMAS. M & S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PS. Mud, small boys and stuck Toyotas aren't christmassy at all, but Fran and Dad I thought you might be amused by the Cambodian version of the AA.
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