Chapter 8: Is this the real life or is this just fantasy?

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- The Pineapple Lady -

I know there's a number of you back home who I've told this story to because it's probably my favorite experience that I've had here yet but I'm retelling it just in off-chance that something happens to the physical copy of my journal.



January 21, 2012 9:50pm - Reggae Bar - Chiang Rai

I'm still reeling from the last four hours of my life. Everything here has this way of becoming so surreal when you least expect it. This morning I rented a motorbike from my guesthouse for 200 baht for the day (~$7). After about 30 awkward minutes of pacing around the machine and faking phone calls (I'd never ridden one before and I wasn't looking forward to learning in the chaos that is Thailand traffic). The ropes course in Thailand is what I should have expected but for some reason didn't. I handed him the keys and he walked up to the bike and backed it up a few feet then pointed to the ignition, "Key" he said without a single shred of irony. He started it up and revved the engine and said (more or less) "You have fun trip friend." And he was disappeared before I could even begin open my mouth in protest.

I had two or three near-disasters involving the walls just outside my guesthouse. Lucky for me, my guesthouse was on a small side street and had some dead ends for me to take a practice lap to get a handle on the clutch. I took a quick and ugly spin around cul de sac and decided that it was my time. Trial by fire or no glory!

The majority of my day was spent soaking in the thrill of my newly acquired two-wheeled freedom.l I was rightfully worried for my life most of that first hour or two. Getting lost like this is very different than my normal routine of walking until I'm lost on foot whenever I arrive somewhere new.

Fast forward six hours or so. I'm back at the guesthouse and picking up my laundry. It's about 5pm and the sky is starting to shift its hues to prepare for sunset. I decided, "Hell, I've got the means, might as well drive north toward those mountains until I can find a good picture of the sunset." And off I was, now confident on my bike and teeming with excitement for what I may find outside my safety bubble of civilization called Chiang Rai.

About 40km north of town was as far as I dare drive lest I miss my chance at a perfectly timed photo of the sun coming down over the mountainside. The road led up the mountains and through some small villages that appeared still relatively connected to technology. The roads weren't paved but the houses used more modern building materials than the bamboio huts we'd stayed in in the jungles of Chiang Mai and there was a truck or scooter in most of the driveways.

I couldn't get a very good view, the houses and trees were in the way and I was in a bit of a valley between two mountains so I just kept on driving: left, right, straight, s-curve, u-turn...I looked back and saw the lights of the highway in the distance and knew that I was officially never making back to the highway in one piece--at least not on my own.

Finally I pulled alongside some rice paddies and decided that this was as good a spot as any so I pulled to the edge of the road and whipped out my camera. After snapping a few lackluster photos that I'd later use as material to jog my memory of the experience driving out more than anything, a little lady on a bright red moped puttered to a stop in front of me.

I was worried, maybe I was somewhere I wasn't meant to be, maybe she didn't appreciate me taking photos in her village. I frantically tried to make gestures from my camera to the sun and back and kept saying, "Photo!", "Beautiful!", "Ahh!" I could tell she was both confused and amused by my animated arm movements and it was obvious that she knew very little English. She just smiled at me and pointed to a nondescript burlap bundle under herleft arm and said, "Pineapple!" and waved for me to turn around to follow her.

Well hell, I was lost and had no idea how to get back anyway so I did a quick mental inventory of anything of value I had to lose. Hmm...my passport was back at the guesthouse along with a large chunk of my cash on hand as well so...just my camcorder, about 480 Baht (~$16), and my organs-which I'm sure would be worthless at this point considering how much I've been drinking and smoking on this trip (Sorry Ma!).

I followed her and her little red scooter through a new labyrinth of twists and turns that led me further up the mountain and furhter into the unknown. She came to a stop, opened a large yellow gate, and led me inside. She closed the gate behind us and had me park my bike up a hill and through a maze of chickens and other poultry that I couldn't even put a name to. To my left there were 3 larger men doing something labor intensive in an open-air shed, on my right was a pen full of more birds: turkeys, chickens, and the biggest goose I've ever seen in my life. I actually looked it eye to eye from my spot on the bike as I rode slowly past with my mouth hanging open. This was how I was going to die, I thought. Killed and fed to that monster goose. I would have thought I would go out with more dignity but this was it. Ahead of me was a nice little bungalow-style home with a detached kitchen on one side.

I parked my bike and wandered around a bit completely at a loss for words--not that words would have helped me at that moment since no one near me would understand them. Perhaps I was at a loss of charades. The little lady waddled up the hill to me and smiled again. She gestured around her saying, "Home, (and then pointing to herself) Pineapple." We walked together around the small farmstead and we did our best to communicate as she gave me the grand tour of the area. We even shared some laughs as we gobbled at the turkeys together for about ten minutes- which goaded them into attacking the chickens and more laughter from the two of us.

After showing me her pineapple fields and teaching how to properly harvest a pineapple, one of the delicacies of the Chiang Rai region, she had me take a seat on her porch while she disappeared into the house. A few moments later she came back out with a mason jar, a bottle of whiskey, and two glasses. She just kept pointing at everything around the house and saying, "Pineapple!" She poured us a mix of whatever was in the mason jar and some syruppy liquied from the whiskey bottle and mixed it with a bit of water.

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