THE TRAIN TO CHIANG MAI

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My home for the night is a cubbie, second class sleeper car, train to Chiang Mai. I’m listening to Beta Band as the dark Thai countryside flies by outside the window. This train ride marks the inauguration of my solo journey. I’m 10 days into my trip, but I left Abby and everything familiar at the train station in Bangkok. As I was sitting at the station, waiting to depart, I felt a myriad of emotions. I was incredibly proud of the simple fact that I was sitting on a train, by myself, in Bangkok! Every step, every experience, every feeling is a gift and it’s like Christmas in my world right now. As soon as the pride came it went and so began the feelings of nostalgia, homesickness, love, and sadness. All at once, yet completely separate. I grinned to myself, recalling a day in the Whip In kitchen when we sneakily bet how many times Rico could listen to “What is Love?” on repeat before he lost his mind. (He lasted 3 rounds, in case you’re wondering) 😊 Then came tears for those I’ve loved and lost. Then a deep breath and feelings that aren’t normal for me… courage, confidence, and satisfaction. I’m relishing in this newfound peace and I know it will continue to grow. No matter what happens from this moment on, I understand that I am enough and I will be okay. I know there are more bouts of sadness and confusion heading my way, but I'm not afraid of them anymore. I am the keeper of my own destiny and the controller of my own happiness. I am watching myself change from the deepest core of my being. As I dance alone behind the blue curtain on this train to self-awareness I can’t help but think… I’ve got this.



** Some notes about the train **

This was my first long-distance train ride! Sleeper trains are awesome! If I would have been placed next to anyone who spoke English I know I would’ve made friends. The bunk was surprisingly comfortable. I enjoyed watching Thailand speed by as the vibration lulled me to sleep. The staff was, not surprisingly, friendly and accommodating. I saw the sunrise in the morning over the countryside; it is refreshingly different than Bangkok. Unfortunately, the weather is the same. I just happen to be here during the hottest time of the year.

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Comments

[Jenna]

What can I say...
You have a way with words like no other. I cried....so proud!