A flash of Chiang Mai

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I knew we were going to like Chiang Mai. As long as you have a couple of bhat in your pocket it's an adventure sports paradise - bungee, white water rafting, trekking, elephant riding, quad, absailing, rock climbing, cycling and courses in everything from cooking to Thai to massage. We were never going to be bored here and luckily we had dropped anchor for 10 days.

After the excitment of last Saturday night nobody objected when another day of R&R was suggested on Sunday to recover. We were now as thick as thieves with the Tassie lads and Nick who had the brilliant idea on an otherwise lazy day of going to the local tailors. Before we knew it we were spreadeagled in front of a mirror having our neck, waist and inside leg measurements taken for our first ever fitted tailor-made 2-piece suits. How, you may ask, in the name of all that's holy am I going to haul a suit around SE Asia? But wait there's method to my madness.... a time will come in the distant future when I may have to work again (..the thought is sending a shiver down my spine..!) and an interview will require a suit so it can stay stored in Bangkok till we fly to Oz in July. 4 days and three fittings later, they hadn't done a bad job, good quality and all for 150EUR when I think I paid 4 times this for my last one and the arse burst after 6 months (although this might say more about the size of my arse than the quality of the material!)... Also I realise I will probably, deservedly, get abuse for this but couldn't resist 'pimping' the shirts up a bit with some initials on the cuffs..E.T.S!

If that doesn't sound poncy enough well wait till you hear the next days activities... All 6 of us enrolled in a 1-day cookery course. I should probably lie at this point in a vain attempt to sound macho but we had a cracking day and a good laugh! This was surely 'the gift that will keep on giving'! The morning involved being taken around the market and picking up the ingredients so that we can recognise them next time we are stumbling around Sainsburys Local on a wet Sunday night. However for us it was a case of "cooking-by-numbers" with all our ingredients set out in front of us, ready chopped and separated! What followed was probably one of the biggest acts of gluttony seen since the Roman food orgies! We cooked up pad thai, green curry, tom yam Soup, spicy chicken salad and water chesnuts with coconut milk and devoured the results - thats 6 mains in 4 hrs. We were rolled home.

In an attempt to restore our crumbling masculinity over the next 2 days we sampled some more 'manly' activities. The canyoning trip promised much but after half a day in a minibus being driven to the top of the highest mountain in Thailand staring into mist and seeing another Wat, I was underwhelmed to say the least. But that was before the waterfall, next thing we know harnesses attached and we are absailing down a 50 metre rock face, now that was cool. Its actually only on your second time down, fear subsided that you really start to realise, hey this rope might just hold me horizontal against this cliff and start to bound down and enjoy it. The picture shows us at the end standing soaked from the spray of the waterfall but a great day out.

It would have been rude not to accept the offer of a night at the "Muay Thai" or Thai Boxing so off we headed on Tuesday night. By now we knew what to expect, a staged 'fight-night' held in a pub for the benefit of almost exclusively by 'farang' and so it proved as apart from the fighters, their team, the bookies and the plentiful bar staff the rest of the crowd were almost exclusively foreign. We had 5 or 6 fights, starting with the lighest - 30kg all the way up to the big one and a whopping 55kg! However watching the first few involved 10 to 12 year olds kick-boxing it out for our viewing pleasure and was a bit disturbing, but I suppose this is their national game. Nevertheless it was not until the senior fights that you started to enjoy it and see just how tough, skillful and brutal a sport it really is. Several Singha beers later and we were almost ready to hop in the rings ourselves, but we settled for a few mock high kicks and shouted abuse from a safe distance.....and I nearly cracked my foot in two attempting a kick on a hanging punchbag on the way out!

The cost of Chiang Mai was starting to take its toll on the others, myself and Martin were the only ones to sign up for the quad biking next day. Maybe we should have been a little worried when he told us everyone else had cancelled due to the rain that had been pouring all week but as it turned out we had the run of the place and probably a much better day as a result. I had promised not to do any motorbike riding on my travels and this from conversations on the road seemed like a wise decision, but quad bikes are safer we convinced ourselves. That was before we saw the guide's son run his bike off the road and into a bush to leave it hanging over a 40ft drop...an early warning. In the end no further incidents but some great off-road biking on dirt tracks even up one mountain 1,300m high.

I was sick as a small hospital on Wednesday so did nothing more than work my way through a few books, Fatherland and Enigma were a nice chance after the disappointing Catch 22. Also don't know what those critics are on about. I loved the 'DaVinci Code'!!

Most of the others had left by the time myself and Martin trudged off in the rain unenthusiastically for another trek in the jungle. Had to be done before leaving Chiang Mai however and we had two days to kill before the flight to Bangkok so for 20EUR we sitting in the back of another of those Godforsaken Sangthaews. How glad we were as it turned out to be quite the eventful trip.

The group we were with was a strange one, a dutchman, 8 girls from Yorkshire and London, and a 31 year old Russian called Valentino who looked 21 and had strange philosphical views on life similar to Glenn Hoddle! They revolved around his belief that suffering in this life was a punishment for crimes committed in another but other than that he was grand! Overall though not as much craic as the other groups we have ended up in but I guess we have been lucky on that front to date..

First day involved nothing more than the truck-ride and a 3-hour trek in rain that was surprisingly pleasant, I suppose after the Gibbon we were ready for anything. We had almost reached our home for the night, a hilltribe village when occured once of the most surreal and in hindsight terrifying experience of our lives... With the village no more than 200m metres away, the rain well stopped and skies almost clear. All ten of us were crossing an open field soaked and tired, when there came a boom of thunder and simultaneous flash of lightening that struck the ground no more than 10 metres down the hill from us. It was, and never again will I use this phrase more appropriately - a bolt from the blue! All we could do was yelp, hit the ground and stare at our neighbour to make sure we hadn't dreamed it.... But everyone had felt the same static and electricity running through your hair and down your spine like a mild electric shock. To state the bleedin' obvious its over before you realise what's happened. I don't know what I expected? To look up and and see a big finger pointing from the God from the National Lottery ad..."Its You....oh shit I missed!!" There was no warning, no trees around us, no black clouds, no rain and no subsequent flashes but we weren't hanging around to find out so we scurried away up the hill the short distance to our new home for the night. Another one to tell around a campfire sometime! In hindsight as the tallest I suppose I should have been more worried but I am sure Valentino would have claimed I had been a member of Hitler Youth in a previous life and had it coming...!

This day was always going to be a tough act to follow but wasn't bad either. A few nice morning downhill treks, a swim in a waterfall (an activity we were getting used to!), an elephant trek, some white water rafting and finally some relaxing bamboo rafting.
We felt bad about the elephant riding after hearing from our buddy Nick on the cruel methods they use to train them for this task, but obviously not that bad as before long we up on his back and trudging off up the hill! I was "lucky" enough to be put on the neck and it was nothing short of terrifying from start to finish, I thought it would never end! Poor old Nelly trekked around a circuit up and down a hill for 20 agonising minutes. What did make me feel better was something Joe Beatty said once in an email. I am sure people fall from elephants all the time but people from places like Cappatagle don't die by falling off elephants and being trampled, it's just not Cappatagle behaviour. So I was safe!

In Bangkok for one last night on the town and off to Saigon tomorrow. Vietnam for the next 15 days, so any tips send em' on...

Enda

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Photos

Smartest backpackers in town
Nothing but the best for the lads in Chiang Mai

Cooking up a storm
The chefs at Baan Thai restaurant were unusually tall

Nothing to this
Me and Jim taking the whole cookery thing in our strides

You got a licence for those?
I don't get time to go to the gym much so I usually sculpt my guns in the office

Pissed as farts
Taken during a game of 100 100s in between spews

Over the edge
Enda contemplating his canyoning experience

Calm before the storm
Taken about 20 secs before we were nearly frazzled by lightning

Trekking food
Did the job

Au natural
Shower time in the jungle. Shampoo advertising companies, don't all rush at once!

Martin Brennan
Central to trekking entertainment

Elephant travel
Enda didn't have the cash for 1st class

Quads
Better than elephants